Wassup! This is where I've been...

Not the loony bin

Not the south of France

Not even Disneyland

I've been drawing

It's been a long time, but a few weeks back I got the itch. To draw again.

And I kept imagining black and white

lots of detail

sharpies

hmmm...

then J said seemingly out of the blue you should get a giant Ganesha tattooed on your back

????

that's a gwate idea

there you go

so I started drawing. I haven't drawn in I dunno, ten years maybe. but...

The creativity flowed right out of the sky through my fingers. you know how it is Sometimes it's like that when I write.

Over around through and right out the hands.

I think this was meant to be

Ty was inspired as well

We drew together one day last week. Pretty awesome.

Ty's drawing is beautiful. We're gonna get it printed on tee shirts.

My drawing is almost done. And it was oh so satisfying and I'm oh so excited to get some major body art.

The cool hip tattoo artists actually think I'm a wee bit cool myself.

Which is pretty amusing cause I'm just a batshit crazy lady old enough to be their mother

This is where I've been. It was a good place to be.

I'm a hater

I hate St. Patrick's Day

there. i said it.

despite the common moniker

I hate it

I hate hearing the chick on the radio saying "it's a beautiful day. hope you're all out drinking your green beer by now..."

at 11:21 am

I hate green beer

I hate watching drunk people wearing big green hats stumbling down Main Street at noon

I hate Pub Crawls

I hate every year debating with Bruce as to whether it's safer for him to drive home or take the train

you'd think it would be safer to take the train ignore the vomit in the aisles

except for the insanely drunken insanely stupid people who have been drinking green beer since 11:21 am and are beating the shit out of each other on said train home

sigh

there are only 2 good things about St. Patrick's Day

1) the day after

2) corned beef and cabbage

I made it and they ate it.

then I burned some incense

cooked cabbage stinks

The Universe is Abundant

while I was away...

I haven't been to blogland lately. I've barely been able to read, let alone comment or write.

I've had a very busy week. I've been working a lot, and preparing for tomorrow.

You know when you look at your home with an objective eye?

Like the eye of your

mother in law

boss

ex-spouse's new mate

or

dinner guests

You look with that objective eye and say to yourself

holy shit

this place is gross

I gotta do something about it

so you start cleaning in a frenzy

rearranging furniture

throwing shit out

well

that's what I've been doing

you find some interesting things when you clean house and move furniture that hasn't moved in three years

this was under the armoire

that we moved from our room

to Mia's

gross

no wonder I've had a post nasal drip

for the past 6 months

again

gross

Hey, Ms. Moon

I found this buried under magazines

we used it as a votive holder

or dust collector

I know crazy

right?

old picts of young sisters

we still look the same

Ty was so happy that I finally agreed

to part with the dusty fake trees

yes

I have had fake trees

which I don't need anymore

now that I have my

beautiful olive tree

I placed the fake trees in my front yard

so I can look out my windows

and see green

instead of grey and dirty white

I'm crazy like that

The place looks so much better already. Which is good cause tomorrow's the big day.

Not the mother in law

or the boss

or any ex's anything

no dinner guests

tomorrow

the most awesome cleaning lady is coming

I couldn't let her see my super disgusting house

that would be embarrassing

what would she think of me?

So she'll see a house that's only a little bit disgusting

And tomorrow

after drinking a cup of coffee from my scrubbed out coffee machine and peeing in my sanitized toilet

I'll sit in my awesomely clean living room

and look out my sparkling windows at the green trees in my front yard

I'm a lucky girl

SUPER EFFIN MAMA

OK. Question of the Day

Why is it that we/I need to do it all?

I know y'all have asked yourself this question before.

Why do we feel like we have to be totally self sufficient super women?

not ask for help

have everything perfect

be that Enjoli Woman you have to be at least 40 to know about enjoli

I'm having a moment.

I'm having a minute of a moment.

I work full time. Really hard

I take care of our kids.

And the house.

And the pets kind of

And I try to take care of myself.

Something's gotta give

It's so much better now that I have my awesome functioning loving healthy husband back.

A husband who cooks really good food on the weekends

A husband who has ALWAYS changed diapers not that there are diapers to be changed anymore but you know what I mean

A husband who would do ANYTHING for me.

But a husband who works really hard too, and is away from home 70 hours a week

OK. It is what it is. So this is my point

I scramble every week to get everything done on my "time off"

I try to keep the house clean

I try to cook a good dinner that my kids will eat

I try to keep up with the laundry and bills

I try to go to yoga twice a week

I try to spend time in blogland which always draws me away from all those other trials.

Blogging shares the Blue Ribbon with Prozac in the What Keeps Michelle the Most Sane competition.

But every week I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Mainly because house cleaning is way at the bottom of my list of priorities. But seeing yuck and dirt and baskets of cleandirty laundry every where puts me over the edge. Not to mention the drifts of pet hair that accumulate despite sweeping and dustbusting three times a day.

YUCK.

I'm that fucking hamster goddammit

So. I took the plunge. I called the most Awesome Cleaning Lady in the county to resume her twice a month magic here.

So why am I so ambivalent? Why do I feel guilty? Like a failure?

Why does the voice in my head say if you can't keep the house clean, you have no business going to yoga or sitting at the computer or sitting on your ass.

Last year when the shit was hitting the fan, I let Awesome Cleaning Lady go cause I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pay our mortgage. Having someone come clean my house has always been the epitome of self indulgence. I couldn't afford to be self indulgent anymore.

But things are different now. I increased my hours, got a big fat raise, and Bruce is back doing his thing.

So why do I feel like it's a cop out to have someone come and clean my bathrooms and floors twice a month?

Is it the money? The thought that it could be put to better use elsewhere?

Is it the idea that I SHOULD be able to do it all myself and if I CAN'T, well then, I must suck?

What is it?

God knows I'm not a high maintenance kinda girl. No mani-pedis. Back to dreadlocks cause I just can't be bothered with the hair thing. I'd wear Goodwill sweat pants to work if I could get away with it.

But I'm not willing to give up yoga, blogging, or gardening once the weather gets nice. I keep thinking I'd like to start drawing again. If I let someone else clean my house, I could do more of the things that might keep me healthy and happy for my family. And myself. But why is it so hard to just do this one thing that would make everything else so much easier?

Do I sound like a whiny spoiled girl? It's ok to kick my ass and tell me to get over it.

And why is it that only those of us with girlie parts are like this?

Is it a recessive x-linked trait?

Is it cultural?

Why do I expect to be able to do it all?

Why do we expect to be able to do it all?

Did women's lib shoot us in the foot?

What gives?

snowmageddon recap

Are you sick of hearing me bitch about the snow? Well, I'm sick of talking about it. And looking at it. And shovelling it.

And driving over it.

sick. of. it.

Our schools have been closed since Wednesday. And who the hell knows when they'll open up cause half the town is without electricity. And since our town which calls itself a city harumpf has no proper snow plows, the roads are still not particularly clear. School buses can't get through, and some of the schools don't have generators. There are trees down all over the place. Half the traffic lights are out and the city haha is so ill equipped that a state of emergency was declared last week.

That declaration isn't helping much except to say it's still really fucked up here

We had a great weekend though. Actually, a great week. There was something about the never ending snow days and being snow bound and being able to do nothing other than ride out the storm, that was... liberating.

I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't run errands. I couldn't go to work. I couldn't go to yoga. This left me essentially conflict free for the whole week. No juggling. No need to set priorities. No running around like a lunatic. No stress over how to get it all done and what was gonna suffer for not getting done. Cause you know it NEVER all gets done.

All I really had to do was feed the kids, and shovel snow.

It was awesome.

After 2 days I lost track of time and half the county lost electricity. Thankfully, our lights stayed on.

Thursday night, as the snow continued to fall, we saw crazy blue green lightning out our window. The boys came running upstairs, asking if we'd seen it too. Jack started getting texts from his friends did you see that?

The blue green flashes were transformers blowing.

Well, that was the beginning of the PAR-TAY at Michelle's house.
Boy, was it fun...

3 moms
1 dad
1 sister/friend/aunt recovering from surgery
5, 6, or 8 kids, depending on the time of day
3 dogs
1 fat cat
a turtle

a fish
some sea monkeys
and an olive tree

DAMN it was FUN
did I say that already?

Loud, chaotic, funny fun fun. We spent the days shovelling, cooking, listening to music, tripping over dogs and snow boots, and cracking up. Jordana who can bend steel with her bare hands pushed like 7 cars out of neighbors' driveways. She's beast like that. The dryer didn't stop as there were always wet snow clothes, sock, gloves and boots that needed to be ready for the next venture out in to the ridiculous snow. The kids dug tunnels and foxholes and had snowball fights for hours. Bruce cooked. Yum

It was a crazy, raucous, cold, wet, fun, snowy blur.

And I got to hold the little one on my hip and feel her head grow heavy on my shoulder and hold her warm sleepy self on my lap for like a whole hour. And she slept on my chest and I put my cheek on her baby head and smelled her hair. And Bruce walked by and patted my shoulder and said how is that, Chica? it's been a while since I've seen you like that... how does it feel?

It felt good. I though about how Ms. Moon enjoys the feel of a baby sleeping on her chest. Damn, there's nothing like it.

Saturday night their electricity came back on. Our house emptied out and it was suddenly... quiet. Like really really quiet. Usually I love the quiet, but this felt more like a vacuum. Ty got all red and blotchy. He wanted everyone to come back. The fun, raucous life we had been living for 2 days was... gone. And we felt an unexpected loneliness.

I found myself over the course of our snowy sleepover being thankful that my house had electricity and I could provide these two moms and their babes a wee bit of shelter from this wee storm for a wee bit of time. I thanked god these two moms and their kids and dogs and recovering sister could come here and take a hot shower and stay warm and eat hot food because a year ago...

...a year ago these two moms saved my fucking ass

they sure as hell did

the Universe is Abundant

Sundays in My City

The Bronx Zoo

this is where we were last Sunday

the last sun day

before

snowmageddon

snowpocalypse

a week of snow days

it was a beautiful day

prompting an impromptu trip

a sun day sky

1st stop

the World of Birds

you know I have a thing

about birds in nests

bird on a branch

...light... sun...

...green... warmth...

we pretend it's summer

we're in Madagascar

lemurs sound just like they do in Dinosaur

tigers up close and personal

we never see them in the summer

it's too darn hot so they hide in the shade

apparently, they love the snow

a big beautiful cat

Mia just wanted to snuggle with her

zoo center

me and my shadow

Sundays in My City

brought to you by Unknown Mami

who has her own little corner of sunshine

over here

snow bound and cabin fever

Yet another snow day. shoot me


We spent the morning in bed watching morning television


watched The View with the boys. Today's show is about infertility. Dr Infertility Guy says by age 30 you've lost 90% of your eggs. By 40 you only have 3% left.
Both boys look at me...
mom you only have 3% of your eggs left.
Oh honestly you guys. I had all of you way after I was 30
Yeah but now you only have a few left.
It's ok guys. I don't need anymore eggs. If I want more eggs I'll go to Key Food

How can Nutella be advertised as a nutritionally dense food?

Commercial for The Oscars. I love the Oscars.
not that i've gotten to the movies this year...but...whatever.
The boys notice that Steve Martin is looking old. I don't think so, he just looks like Steve Martin.
He's not that old. Maybe 60.
Ty says right mom, well... you're 56 so of course 60 doesn't seem old to you...wait... are you 56 or 46?
here we go again.
Jack cracks up She's 56. 56. Mom is 56. smartass

Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowls. gross

Frosted Miniwheats. Chocolate flavored. a great source of fiber

seriously?

Barbara Walters needs to retire. there. i said it

*****

it's one o'clock

i'm still in my pajamas

the kids are making more tie dyed napkins

the snow has been coming down like crazy for 5 hours

the damn dog, who HATES the cold and HATES being wet, still won't go out
if that dog poops or pees in the house, i'm gonna be mad

blah blah blah

all this snow is making me a wee bit grumpy

and cold

and stir crazy

Bruce went to down to the restaurant, in the snow, and left me this note...

...a little while later...

I opened the box and smelled...

olive oil???

do you know what this is?

it's an OLIVE TREE!

how amazing is that?

and love songs to boot

the kids were so excited

they love witnessing the romance

Mia kept asking me if I was gonna cry

not even happy tears, mommy?

Mia honey, I'm not gonna cry... dontcha see the SMILE on my face?

*****

I called Bruce. He'll be home early.

I made a summertime dinner to go with my olive tree

local chicken with 40 cloves of garlic

panzanella

local sour cherry puff something

they were supposed to be turnovers but I screwed up the puff pastry and it ended up looking like a ginormous pop tart. but it was still yummy

Then I got into the shower and shaved my legs and armpits.

and that's all I'm gonna say about THAT

happy happy snow day