"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Supper Shenanigans and Dinner Drama


this is what I put up with.

When we were growing up the rule was

no singing at the table
except for grace

Nothin On You

Hey, Soul Sister

I believe in you
like a virgin, you're Madonna

or, as Mia sings it

I believe in you
like a bug in your vagina

what mommy??? those are the words

I kinda like that they sing at the table

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Woman of Faith, Woman of Reason

It's a rainy spring Sunday and I'm holding services at the Beacon Satellite Chapel of the Church of the Batshit Crazy

Today I'm looking through the swiss cheese holes of my mad cow brain at the question why?
As in why the fuck are we here?
I know. It's the Age Old Question.
But right now I'm in that place that begs desperately to believe there is a reason goddammit.
I don't need to know what the reason is.
I just need to know that the struggle and heartache is not for nothin as jordana would say

I need to believe that what we do means something.
That the good deeds good energy good will truly makes things better.

Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

Sometimes I can't help but think there is a plan. A purpose. Destiny.

That's why I love LOST
there are no coincidences

That's why I love OWEN MEANY
we all have a purpose

So when every damn baby that I examine reaches for my ganesh necklace I choose to see meaning behind it.
And when the guy at the convenience store nods his head at me reaches into his shirt pulls out his ganesh and says
my mother gave me this when I came to the states I choose to see meaning there.
And when the pharmacist hands me my prozac refill and says what's that? And points to my chest what? do I have a rash? and I realize he's pointing to ganesh I want to say hindu god remover of obstacles removed my stubbornness arrogance resignation and gave me the green light on this here light blue pill.

And the light blue pill has removed the obstacles to a life of joy and hope and laughter. Thank you Ganesha

I remember Sister Adrienne saying to me, long before I even knew what a blog was, that we could find and communicate with people
all over the planet. And there was a huge amount of power to be harnessed. And with that power we could change the world.

Change the world? What the fuck is she talking about?
But I'm starting to believe it now. Just a little bit.

And Yogini Shannon talks about things
coming together and there's some really amazing stuff happening
and I say all these things are just coming up all of a sudden and it has never happened before and it's a little bit creepy
and she says maybe you just weren't ready then, but now you are

Well jesus mary and ganesh I'm not sure that I'm ready at all.

If you save one life you save all of human kind or something like that


Can you dig it?


Friday, April 23, 2010

It's all I have for today...

why is a mother's love

not enough

to heal her child?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sundays In My City

On a lighter note...

I see this every day that I drive to work
and everyday it cracks me up

I love a mailbox in tie-dye

oooh... look at those pects...

she da mam

Unknown Mami

Saturday, April 17, 2010

michelle and the terrible awful no good very bad day

I had a very bad day today
no good
very bad

through it all
I thought
shit, this is
compared to what the family
is going through

This family
my patients
had today what may be remembered
as the most devastaing day
of their lives
But I'm hoping
and praying
that this
no good
very bad
becomes their

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Fragments

Brought to you by Mrs. 4444

It's Friday already
wow that was fast


Voila is that how you spell it? A donate button on my sidebar. Not sure if it's working. It would be just like me to sweat and grunt over getting it up there and spaz out somewhere along the line.
Never fear. I'll figure it out.
If anyone is having trouble with it, let me know.
In the mean time, if you don't yet know about Kim, and are interested, go here. I sent her an email yesterday with a link to the post. I'm so excited to be able to help her out with the amazing work she's doing. I'm going to forward some of the emails I've received from you all. It truly is an astounding thing. I LOVE ALL YOU BLOGGY ANGELS.


Jack had his first track meet this week. He joined JV track and competes in the long jump and the 800 meter. As I've said before, he's a pipsqueak. Tiny. All the other kids tower over him. Especially the girls. He was nervous and not satisfied with his performance in the long jump. 11 ft sounds like a lot for a kid who's not yet 5 ft to jump. But what do I know?

The 800 meter was one of the last events. Jack was the only one from his school competing. The other team had one boy and 4 girls competing. The girls towered over Jack by almost a foot. Seriously. He looks across the track at me and mouths i. am. so. screwed. The gun goes off and off goes Jack. I thought he's never gonna be able to keep up that pace. Running like it's a 50 yard sprint. Well, let me tell you. He kept up that pace. Two laps around the track. Sheer determination.
He came in 1st place.
Then he threw up.
But it was only a little bit and he did it in such a Cool Jack Ima Trackstar Rockstar way he wasn't even embarrassed.


Bruce is listening to The Omnivore's Dilemma while he drives to work everyday. Which means every morning at just about 10, I get a call and hear his Food Rant of the Day.

Chica, did you know that.... high fructose corn syrup
Chica, did you know that.... vegetarian ethics animal rights
Chica, did you know that.... food miles + ecologic footprint

He must have been humoring me for the last 3 years when the same rants were coming out of my mouth


At 8:50 this morning I walked out the door with my yoga mat strapped to my back all ready for class and realized the dog was gone.
Damn dog
So much for class
I called for him. I'm sure I looked and sounded like a lunatic on my front porch.
The lady across the street said I've been sitting out here a while and I haven't seen him.

I text Shannon

walking out the door all ready for class and realize the dog is missing. Kids left the gate open. Shoot me
who is this? God Bless
It's michelle. Aye aye aye
michelle who? God Bless
The crazy michelle. Mia's mom. Do I have the wrong #?
I think so lol God Bless
Sorry! Have a good day
lol u2 text me anytime u sound like a nice person God Bless

At about 9:20 Dumbass Dusty came trotting up the sidewalk. So glad he didn't get squished like a grape. God Bless


So the antibiotics took care of my bloody marshmallow sore throat, but gave me a lovely yeast infection. TMI? just keeping it real
Anyhoo. The other day Mia and I were on our way to the health food store and I said honey remind me I need soy creamer for coffee and stuff for yeast.
yeast? what's yeast?
So I have a bonding moment with my daughter and explain, in a completely age appropriate way, yeast infections. charming
mommy. I can't remember that word. It's a weird word. tell me about it
OK honey. Just remind me that I need stuff for my vagina and stuff for my coffee.
I figured she'd remember THAT.
And she did.


Happy Happy Friday!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ganesh and I need your help

get a snack, a glass of wine, or go pee... this is a long one

How do I rig a donate button?
Do I need to set up a paypal thingy?
Does anyone out there know anyone who knows anything about not for profits fund raising or grass roots organizations?

I'm trying to help a mom whose kids are patients of mine. She doesn't know about my blog. She doesn't really know I'm trying to help her
Cause I'm afraid I might fail and I don't want to let her down

Let me tell you about Kim. Kim is a single mom. She works as a CT tech. She's older than I am. She has two kids. Matthew is 15 and Judy is 9

They're both adopted

They both have Down syndrome

Kim adopted one baby with Down Syndrome. 5 years later she adopted another

Oh, and did I say she's a single mom?

There you go

2 weeks ago they came in to see me for a routine visit. They told me about Judy's pen pal in Florida, a little girl who had neuroblastoma and had died before Judy could get down there to say goodbye. Kim told me that Judy asked to speak at her friend's memorial service.

I asked Judy what she was going to say.

Even though my friend is gone, she will always be in my heart. Judy crosses her hands over her heart. And whenever the wind blows, I'll know she's calling my name... and then I'm gonna sing

What are you gonna sing?


Seriously??? Are you fucking kidding me??? I didn't really say that

And do you know what she did next?

Yup... she noticed Ganesh

Is this a princess? I think it's a princess. A princess with a trunk. I think its a magic princess with a trunk. Is it magic? I think it is. What's the password to let the magic out?

She holds my necklace in her hands.

Abracadabra. No that's not it.

Magic princess. Nope that didn't work either.

I want to say the magic word so I can be a princess too and kiss a frog and he'll turn into a prince. I want to be a beautiful princess with a trunk.

I know! Hannah Montana

That night when I got home I ordered Judy a Ganesh necklace. She's determined to figure out the secret password to let the magic out. She also told Kim that she loves the necklace not ONLY for its magic but also because now she and I have something in common


Let me tell you more about the mom Kim.

Last year, Kim decided she wanted to grant wishes specifically to kids with Down Syndrome. So she started granting wishes. With just her cell phone and her tenacious drive.

Oh. And in case you forgot? Kim is the working single mom of two kids with Down Syndrome whom she adopted as infants.

All wishers have Down Syndrome.
Some have complications that come along with Trisomy 21

Wish #1
30 year old, who lives in Washington State, wants to meet Reba McEntire. Kim gets on the phone. When she's done, this wisher has 2 nights in a hotel, entrance to the Oregon State Fair where Miss Reba is performing, front row seats and a backstage visit. And gas money.

Wish #2
A 7 year old with leukemia who has just gone through 2 years of chemo needs a new bed. Mom had put a bed on layaway at a store in Michigan, but can't afford to pay the balance. Kim gets on the phone. When she's done, the wisher has a complete bedroom set and a bedroom makeover. And her brother has a new bedroom too. And the family has 2 new couches and new wall to wall carpeting. In time for Christmas

Wish #3
A young man, who lives in Texas, wants to arrive at his 30th birthday party in a limo. He wants to wear a tux. Kim gets on the phone, and talks to the mom who has been unemployed for a while and says there is no party. When Kim is done, they have a banquet hall, a limo, a tux, a DJ, a videographer, food and drink from Panera and Pepsi for 50 guests , a limo shaped cake, and paper and plastic wear from Target. Kim also gets Delta to donate a plane ticket to fly his sister in from Washington. And Marriott to donate a hotel room for sis and transportation to and from the airport. So when the wisher steps into the limo, his most favorite sister is waiting for him. Surprise!

Wish #4
Two girls, one from Alabama and one from Pennsylvania, had the same wish. To meet Miley Cyrus. Kim gets on the phone and gets Walmart, who's sponsoring a concert, to donate 7 front row tickets. Kim gets on the phone with Miley's tour manager and gets the girls in to a pre-concert sound check party. She gets hotel accommodations for them both. She gives them gas money out of her own pocket.

Wish #5
A 5 year old in Michigan wants to be able to ride bikes with her big sisters. But this 5 year old has a brain tumor and a tracheal tumor. Kim finds a specialized tricycle that the little girl will be able to ride. A $1500 tricycle. She gets on the phone, and gets the manufacturer to donate the trike. And pay for shipping.

The wishes go on. Specialized hearing aids from Switzerland that insurance won't pay for. Specialized stroller for a child in L.A. with multiple medical issues. New clothes. Puppies.

Just Kim and her phone.

And she does it all just to see the smiles on their faces when they get their wish.

It makes her happy.

So she's trying to set up a not for profit. She can get all this stuff for others, but she won't ask for stuff for herself. She needs someone to design her website. She needs a logo.

So. I'm WAY not good at organizing and I hate anything that remotely resembles a commitee.
I also hate asking anyone for anything.

And I do. not. like. talking on the phone.

But in July there is a huge annual Downs conference in Orlando that Kim would love to attend. This conference also holds a subconference for people over the age of 15 who have Down syndrome themselves. Matthew is 15 and would be happy as a clam if he got the chance to participate. And Kim is so BEAST and fearless that I can't even imagine the contacts and committments she'll leave with if she's able to go.

Kim's sister will pay for a hotel room but she doesn't have the cash for 2 roundtrip tickets from NY to Orlando.

Hence my desire for a donate button.
I think I may just match donations dollar for dollar

I'm asking for your help. I know blogland is a huge resource. I just don't know how to access it. So if anyone out there can direct me to...
How to set up a donate button
Anyone who knows anything about starting up not for profits or the business/legal that goes with it
Any blog moms of kids with Down syndrome or other special needs who are super duper powerhouses like Kim and

may know the magic words to remove the obstacles to Kim's wish...

I would be eternally grateful

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Specks in the City

I think these four fashionistas could have a hit show
5 year run, syndication, and Netflix DVDs.

Step aside Sarah Jessica Parker.

Fashion Annie
check Annie out here and here

Fashion Halle
check Halle out here and here

Fashion Amzi
see more of Amzi here

and of course
Fashion Mia

these Specks will take their cities by storm

happy spring sunday

Friday, April 9, 2010

Friday Fragments

Haven't fragged in a while. It's good to be back. Thanks Mrs 4444s


It's suddenly hot here and the sun is making me drunk. I'm in it for a minute, and I start to nod. And my words come out all scrambled. And I can't think straight.

I love it.

But I haven't gotten anything done.

I sit in the sun, and pretend to work on my re-certification exam. I read a few articles, answer a few questions, and fall asleep. In the sun.

Not so bad. Not so bad atall


When Bruce and I were first dating, we would spend our entire weekend lying in the sun in Prospect Park. Armed with coffee and sweet stuff from Connecticut Muffin on 7th Ave, we would spread a blanket and lie lay lye lei in the sun for hours. We would talk and snooze and talk and snuggle and talk some more. We talked politics. We talked about our pasts. We talked about our dreams. But mostly, we talked about our future. We would get sloppy sun drunk and stumble home and Bruce would cook a yummy dinner and we'd drink red wine and fall asleep watching a movie.

Last weekend, by some miracle, we were kidless for a few hours. And the sun was hot and bright. And we hung our in it and got sun drunk. Sloppy sun drunk. And talked about the future.

M: I get so bloated with my period now. That never used to happen. What the fuck? I'm ready for menopause.
B: Maybe it's a sign. Do you think menopause is starting for you?
M: Who the fuck knows? No one will talk about it and I'm sure as hell not buying one of those stupid fucking books. Jesus, I have a degree and in school they didn't even talk about what happens as we get older. No one told me my eyesight would go to hell after 40. No one told me my periods would get shorter and lighter after 40. How the fuck do I know about menopause. No one really talks about it.
B: What about Grumsie my mom didn't she ever talk about it?
M: Seriously Bruce? Come on now... all I know from her is about draginal vyness.
B: Draginal vyness? Is that what you said? Am I supposed to know what that is?
he's thinking it's some fancy medical term
M: Yeah. That's what I said. But I meant vaginal dryness. You know about that...
B: I sure do Chica


Right. So I'm well past 40 and I can't see for shit. I squint down the hall at people I've worked with for 13 years cause I can't quite make out who they are.


So I decided it's time for glasses. My opthalmologist has been telling me for 2 years that my eyes are fine and I'm just getting old. But I can't see. He shrugs his shoulders. It'll get worse.
Seriously? That's all you have for me? I send you half a dozen new patients a day and all you can do is tell me I'm old and my eyes are gonna get worse?


Next stop Walmart. Cheap glasses for cheap people. I picked out a cute pair of frames that all 3 kids gave the thumbs up. Astounding. Jack said I look like a sexy librarian.
Randy Jackson Mens Frames. DAWG
The cute helpful and very professional tech fitted me and said they look good on you. Not many people could pull it off.

Progressive bifocals. Good times


Monday I went back to work I fell asleep on my lunch break. WTF? By mid afternoon, my throat was sore. Double WTF? I had been home with the kids for 10 days. No cooties from work. The kids were fine. How the hell could I have gotten sick? By Wednesday my tonsils looked like bloody marshmallows. Owwwie. Then I realized cute specs weren't the only thing I picked up at Walmart. I put my face in the otoscope eye exam thing that half of Dutchess County have put their faces on. YUCK. And you know they don't disinfect between exams at Walmart. The last thing I am is a germaphobe. I sit on public toilet seats and rarely wash my hands when I leave public restrooms. I frequently claim the immune system of a cockroach. You've never seen cockroaches in a Walmart, have you? My throat was so bad I actually started antibiotics. I haven't taken antibiotics in YEARS. I feel better now.

So between being sun drunk and being Walmart infected, I haven't been commenting as much as I'd like this week. I'm sorry, bloggy friends. But I have been visiting you all and reading. And the new specs make it extra enjoyable.

Have a great Friday!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

laundry rant

I hate doing laundry
let me clarify
I hate folding laundry
I hate putting folded laundry away

I enjoy putting dirty clothes in my washer
then clean clothes in the dryer
I adore pressing the buttons
and I like the way my washer and dryer

but this part...

this part I hate
I hate folding 5 loads of laundry
and the only reason I'm folding
is cause I'm tired of stepping over
5 baskets of

and I hate the pile of socks that's left
after all the clothes are folded

those fucking socks make me feel like
I'm in never ending purgatory

cause I can never
never ever
find a match to every sock
and I always end up with
like 16
single socks
how can that be?

do you have the answer?
cause I know it happens to you too

I also hate putting clean folded laundry away
I keep telling myself
and my kids
that they are old enough to put their
clean folded clothes

they most certainly are

but inevitably
I find previously clean folded clothes
at the bottom of their laundry baskets
all mixed up with dirty clothes

shoot me

and then there's the last stray basket
of clean clothes
that I find in the kitchen
after I think I've finished folding
and I feel like the dude pushing the boulder up the mountain
or the dude with the wax wings trying to reach the sun


Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.