Obstacles

I love Ganesh

I wear this necklace almost everyday to work.

Kids of all ages are fascinated by it.

One of my patients, a completely crazy lady who's very intelligent but when you look at her you can see the insanity flashing out of her eyes like light sabers

it takes one to know one noticed my necklace.

What is that?

Oh. This is Ganesh. A Hindu god.

She looked at me like she wanted to hold a crucifix up and cry demon be gone. Like I had sprouted horns and a forked tail. My guess is that she's of the belief if it ain't the Good Lord Baby Jesus it's gotta be Satan.

Ganesh. The remover of obstacles. I looked her straight in the eye. Cause there are a lot of obstacles in life.

She smiled and relaxed. And laughed. Yes. That is true. I know all about obstacles.

And I think she was relieved that there were no horns sprouting from my scalp and I was still Dr. Michelle who is sweet to her kids.

Obstacles.

Lately I've been aware of obstacles to my own inner peace. Spiritual peace. Mental peace. Emotional peace. Some physical peace. It's been hard to feel hope, or goodness, or keep a positive attitude. And I haven't felt quite right in my body stupid sinuses stupid sudafed

Good thing I'm an optimist. Regardless of the crazy shit going on, deep down I always feel like it's gonna be ok. Things may not turn out the way I expect, or the way I'd like them to. But it will be OK.

So I sit and I wait. I go to work and take care of the kids there. And I come home and take care of the kids here. And I wait some more. Cause I know if I'm patient, Ganesh will remove the obstacle and whatever it is that I'm not getting will become more attainable.

Because the obstacles are in me. They are not external. They are not someone else's fault. I can shake my fist at the government or industry or corporate blah blah blah all I want. I can shake my fist at the human condition. I can even shake my fist at genes and brain chemistry. I can beg the universe to answer the question

why why why???

But coming to a place of peace is all about me.

And Ganesh.

So I wait. And I remind myself to breathe. And I put one foot in front of the other. And as I do that, Bruce makes formal amends with Mia, in front of the lame-o therapist and BANG. In one minute the universe shifts and light starts to come back in to Mia's eyes. Seriously. And a few days later I leave her alone with Bruce even though she's shaking and begging to go with me. And he sits quietly and patiently with her on the steps, and puts his arm around her and doesn't criticize her for being afraid, and accepts that she doesn't trust him. And in his moment of acceptance she trusts enough to throw her arms around him and sob I love you daddy. And they go out to breakfast and make homemade pasta for dinner and he takes her to get a manicure. And she chooses aquamarine polish. And I hear a joy in her voice that I haven't heard in over a year. And I see more light in her eyes. And she skips off to school every morning.

And the obstacles are being removed.

And there is no obstacle in me to prevent me from weeping tears of joy that my daughter and my husband are healing their relationship

cause that father/daughter thing is serious fucking business.

And healing themselves.

There is no bitterness, no resentment, no grudge.

i just want them to be happy

Again, in front of my very eyes, I am witnessing miracles. And there is no obstacle to prevent the witnessing.

And suddenly, things are not so overwhelming.

Haiti is Haiti.

America is America.

The poor are still poor.

There is still oppression and injustice.

As there always will be.

But there is also peace.

So I remind myself to be patient. To wait. And breathe. And eventually I will find a way over around or through the obstacle.

the Universe is abundant

Bruce and Mia

Belize

April 2007