"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I love Ganesh
I wear this necklace almost everyday to work.
Kids of all ages are fascinated by it.

One of my patients, a completely crazy lady who's very intelligent but when you look at her you can see the insanity flashing out of her eyes like light sabers
it takes one to know one noticed my necklace.

What is that?

Oh. This is Ganesh. A Hindu god.

She looked at me like she wanted to hold a crucifix up and cry demon be gone. Like I had sprouted horns and a forked tail. My guess is that she's of the belief if it ain't the Good Lord Baby Jesus it's gotta be Satan.

Ganesh. The remover of obstacles. I looked her straight in the eye. Cause there are a lot of obstacles in life.

She smiled and relaxed. And laughed. Yes. That is true. I know all about obstacles.

And I think she was relieved that there were no horns sprouting from my scalp and I was still Dr. Michelle who is sweet to her kids.


Lately I've been aware of obstacles to my own inner peace. Spiritual peace. Mental peace. Emotional peace. Some physical peace. It's been hard to feel hope, or goodness, or keep a positive attitude. And I haven't felt quite right in my body stupid sinuses stupid sudafed

Good thing I'm an optimist. Regardless of the crazy shit going on, deep down I always feel like it's gonna be ok. Things may not turn out the way I expect, or the way I'd like them to. But it will be OK.

So I sit and I wait. I go to work and take care of the kids there. And I come home and take care of the kids here. And I wait some more. Cause I know if I'm patient, Ganesh will remove the obstacle and whatever it is that I'm not getting will become more attainable.

Because the obstacles are in me. They are not external. They are not someone else's fault. I can shake my fist at the government or industry or corporate blah blah blah all I want. I can shake my fist at the human condition. I can even shake my fist at genes and brain chemistry. I can beg the universe to answer the question
why why why???

But coming to a place of peace is all about me.
And Ganesh.

So I wait. And I remind myself to breathe. And I put one foot in front of the other. And as I do that, Bruce makes formal amends with Mia, in front of the lame-o therapist and BANG. In one minute the universe shifts and light starts to come back in to Mia's eyes. Seriously. And a few days later I leave her alone with Bruce even though she's shaking and begging to go with me. And he sits quietly and patiently with her on the steps, and puts his arm around her and doesn't criticize her for being afraid, and accepts that she doesn't trust him. And in his moment of acceptance she trusts enough to throw her arms around him and sob I love you daddy. And they go out to breakfast and make homemade pasta for dinner and he takes her to get a manicure. And she chooses aquamarine polish. And I hear a joy in her voice that I haven't heard in over a year. And I see more light in her eyes. And she skips off to school every morning.

And the obstacles are being removed.

And there is no obstacle in me to prevent me from weeping tears of joy that my daughter and my husband are healing their relationship
cause that father/daughter thing is serious fucking business.
And healing themselves.
There is no bitterness, no resentment, no grudge.
i just want them to be happy

Again, in front of my very eyes, I am witnessing miracles. And there is no obstacle to prevent the witnessing.

And suddenly, things are not so overwhelming.
Haiti is Haiti.
America is America.
The poor are still poor.
There is still oppression and injustice.
As there always will be.

But there is also peace.

So I remind myself to be patient. To wait. And breathe. And eventually I will find a way over around or through the obstacle.

the Universe is abundant

Bruce and Mia
April 2007


  1. This post turned a ligt on for me in a way that I can't explain without hijacking your comment section, so I will just say thank you.

  2. Belize?! Wow, you've been to Belize!! How exciting. Cool.......

    I just mentioned on some website about my favorite sermon at church (a year ago) was about caring enough to not care at all.....basically being a christian should mean that you don't care what the person sitting next to you believes, you should care enough about him/her to not care at all about anything but what you can do for them in their time of need.............It went on with other examles but that was the basics..........

    I love learning about different religions because while I believe in God, Jesus, the whole ball of wax.....I think that there are other higher beings out there, and my family all the prayers we can get..............

    Mia is so beautiful...thanks for sharing the photo!

  3. So happy for Mia to feel this joy - brings tears to my eyes. I'm always rooting for that girl!

  4. Oh Michelle- You have made me cry. That father-daughter stuff IS some serious shit and whenever I see a man who knows that, who wants to be the good father, the trusted first-man in a daughter's life, I just have to weep because I never had it and I know that so much of the brokenness in me comes from that. And how do you remove that obstacle? How? I am not really asking you. I am asking the universe I guess and thank-you for letting me go on here, thank-you for making me cry real tears for the joy of that story and the picture and the sorrow I have which is okay to have.

  5. Being Muslim, but INDIAN - we grew up with stories about Lakhshmi, and Ganesh. How strong they were, how they could help attain peace. You go girl! Faith is faith, whatever guides you to find peace, that is where you have to go. Love your words. Ciao bella.

  6. ahhhh yes, beautiful sweet yogini. Thank you for reminding me why we all practice...why we all wake up....why we all breathe.
    shanti and love....

  7. Well, my goodness.
    I knew about you as a writer because of Ms. Moon, who does sing the praises of the writers she love and whose judgment I trust a great deal. But I never have enough time to read as much as I want, and tonight I happened to have some moments and happened to find you and I am SO GLAD. Thank you.
    Angie at Eat Here

  8. "...the writers she loves...", I ought to have typed. I hate typos nearly as much as you hate the IRS.

  9. This is beautiful. You're such a good writer.

    Yes to small miracles and light and obstacles removed.

    Namaste, my dear.

  10. I hope their relationship keeps mending... this is a lovely piece. And that picture... gorgeous. I want only the best for you and your family.

  11. This is a beautiful post, Michelle. And the photo is lovely beyond words.

    So are you.

  12. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it, when the broken gets mended. Wishing your daughter and her daddy all the best. She is breathtakingly gorgeous. Blessings.

  13. Dear Michelle, miracles are nothing more than an open heart willing to take and to give in somehow less than equal measures but disregarding all other things except the value of the gift.

    To me it is QuanYin who removes the boulders from my path, but whatever we call that expression of love, is just that. Love, that breaks barriers, put away fears, lights the darkness and makes spaghetti after a manicure.

    Take care of yourself Chica, you are a great wife and a great mother, not to speak of a great writer who opens doors and lets the light in without a sound.

  14. Michelle, your love and your wisdom just shine from this post, which I will reread whenever I can't catch my breath. Thank you. Your picture is radiant, perfect.

    ps did I ever thank you for the comment you left me when I was missing my Dad? Thank you for those words. He was my safe place, and I guess he still is if I let him be.

  15. Oh, my god. What a stunning, stunning post. Everything about it is so beautiful. You, Bruce, Mia, Ganesh, the Jesus lady -- all of it.

    I, too, have been thinking a lot about transformation -- transforming pain and not transmitting pain --

    Thank you for all of this insight and wisdom.

  16. You rock. And GO Bruce, and bless Mia.

  17. Michelle,
    I hope you don't mind that I've come here from Ms. Moon.

    These words of yours are incredible.

    Blessings to your family.

  18. http://mylifeisapieceofcake.blogspot.com/2010/01/this-is-what-i-want.html

    that link is my cake for you

    you know, I am in the middle of making a big decision...a move back east..and I am so scared...but ya know what helps me? the fact that if I do move, I will be closer to my daddy.

    serious shit for sure

    I just love you...I do...your posts and your kids and your family...I lived next door to you for years and years, and finally....well...let's just say that it is" nice to meet you. "
    I think you are awesome.

  19. I'm learning to pray not for God to move the mountain, but that s/he gives me the strength to climb it. And I'm climbing, sister - and so are you. At the risk of sounding trite, your strength, especially over the past year, continues to impress me.

    And no doubt about that father/daughter stuff - I learned the hard way. I pray that Bruce and Mia do infinitely better than Daddy and I did - but it looks like they're well on their way. Lo

  20. What a sweet picture! I am so glad there's mending going on.

    Hubs is Indian, so of course we have a Ganesh in the house! :)

  21. I could say a lot about this post, but I'm just going to hone in on one great thing--That you left your daughter with her dad and in that sent her a powerful message: "You are strong. You can do this. Your dad loves you, and you can trust him." And because of that, she learned that it was true. What a gift. I love it.

  22. Cheers to harmonious, supportive father daughter relationships (works in progress or otherwise)

  23. I'm in tears. Here's to a healing and love!

  24. Loved this. Ganesh and I go way back.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.