Let's go shopping!

Feel like shopping for a good cause?

Awesome.

What's that?

Why is it a good cause?

Because I'm the MOM and I said so.

Go visit Ms. Moon here. And read all about it.

Then shop away!

thanks

smooches

Sundays In My City

electric windows

this was really cool

we live in a town full of artists

who painted new murals

for the old factory building

down at the end of main st

mia was absolutely fascinated

being the artist that she is

it was a perfect summer day

the murals were painted on saturday

and hung on sunday

how lucky are we

to live in a town like this?

come up and see us some time

also visit Unknown Mami

Friday Fragments

Is it Friday again?

Dang. Time flies

If you only have a minute

go visit Mrs. 4444

It's finally quiet here. I have one hour and forty seven minutes to myself.

I'm gonna enjoy every second of it...

*****

I spent a lot of time and a lot of money on Mia's teeth this week.

I hate the dentist. I like our dentist. But I hate the dentist.

I've decided that dentists were not taught genetics in dental school.

Every time I give Bruce's family history of crappy enamel as the explanation for why 2 of my 3 kids have a gazillion cavities, the dentist looks at me like I have 2 heads.

Heart disease is hereditary.

High cholesterol, breast cancer, and blue eyes are hereditary.

Brains and talent are hereditary.

Why not cavities?

One dentist suggested I learn how to read labels when I grocery shop because there's a lot of hidden sugar in food. I thought Ty's head was gonna pop right off. If he hadn't been dumbstruck with fear of the drill, he would have told that dentist all about how his mommy yells at the frozen foods and rants in the produce aisle.

That was 3 years ago and I still can't let it go.

*****

I hate mosquitos.

*****

I always need to have a project. I get bored easy. The only time I wasn't bored was when I was pregnant. Being pregnant is a project. I guess I'm never quite satisfied with the way things are. Even though I love and desire routine, I always need change.

*****

Speaking of love and desire, it's time to announce the winners of the

What's NOT In Michelle's Minivan contest.

drumroll.....

Ms. Moon and Elizabeth

woohoo

All that crap was in my car. And then some.

I cleaned out the car today. Kind of.

But you know what?

Everyone gets a big smooch. Ms. Moon and Elizabeth get 2.

Cause I'm easy that way.

*****

You know what I learned this week?

Life is a goddam fuckin sorry Mrs. 4444 roller coaster.

But projects keep me moving forward.

Yoga keeps my head screwed on straight.

And Ganesh is still removing obstacles.

Have a great weekend

smooch

Fuck You Friday: Summer Fail

I'm so fucking tired.

I have made an effort to curb the potty mouth this week.

I promised myself no more gratuitous *f bombs*.

I made a No More Cursing pact with the kids.

fucking epic fail

*****

Ty and Mia have spent the last 3 weeks at day camp. Which seems like it would be a good thing.

And it is a good thing. They love it. But I'm fucking exhausted. It's worse than school.

At least Sep-June I can write a monthly check and send them off to eat a lunch of government subsidized beefwheatandairy.

And I can shove them out the door and they'll be at school in 90 seconds.

Day camp? Not so much. I've had 15 days of rolling out of bed late, slapping together turkey n cheese sandwiches, a half hour drive to camp, and lots of cursing. Then a half hour drive back home. Which becomes an hour drive because for reasons I have yet to understand, July is

the perfect time to repave all the major roads between camp and home.

More cursing.

And then I have to pick them up. At rush hour. Mucho *f bombs*.

Mia busts me every time I let one loose.

Mia is at art camp. They do awesome projects and the counselors are great.

But this camp has a reputation. It's fancy.

Which means it attracts the kind of people I just want to punch in the head.

When Volvos and BMWs and Escalades are being all... entitled....

I wanna get my ghetto on and bring them down to my beat up minivan level.

But I can't. Because camp is around the corner from work.

And with my luck, I'll go ghetto on some lady at 4:30, and then see her kid for an earache a few hours later.

So I have to behave. And not curse in the parking lot.

It's not easy some days.

*****

And speaking of my beat up minivan...

As I've said before, I don't take care of my house or my car. I run both into the ground. Which is fine for a car, but not so good for a house.

Our house is relatively clean. Not eat off the floor clean, but pretty clean considering who lives here.

It's relatively clean mostly due to the most awesome cleaning lady and most awesome babysitter.

I just sweep a lot.

Our minivan is a pigsty. Mainly cause I won't pay anyone to clean it.

So today's game is Guess Which Item Is NOT In Michelle's Minivan.

The winner gets a big wet smooch.

1. A pink guitar

2. A plate of half eaten waffles.

3. A leopard print raincoat

4. A half drunk Dunkin Donuts iced mocha latte

5. A pair of funeral shoes

6. An empty pure maple syrup bottle shaped like a cello

7. A wad of gauze used after a tooth extraction

8. A dozen empty water/iced tea/soda bottles

9. A pair of snow boots.

10. A purple yoga mat

*****

Speaking of yoga, I haven't done it in a month. I started feeling really achey two weeks ago.

Now I'm just fucking insane in my head. A little anxiety. A little depression.

Nothing too serious, but just enough to be a goddam pain in my fucking ass.

I go through my day feeling like I've had too much coffee.

And, like I said yesterday, I'm having weird dreams.

This morning it occurred to me that at the same time last year, and the year before, I was mentally circling the drain as well.

Two Julys ago, it was a deep dark funk that swooped in and took me down quick.

But it was short lived and relieved by knitting.

Last July it started as anxiety and progressed to I wanna stay in bed depression that went on for a month and resolve after a few weeks of my little blue pill.

I thank my lucky stars for that damn pill, cuz otherwise I might be way in the depths right now.

And since I spend almost every waking minute analyzing the shit in my head, I thought

why now? Why this time of year? It's summer. It's hot. There's lots of light. WTF?

What's different?

I still ignore my kids. I still ignore my house and my car. I still take my pill. I still go to work.

The only thing different is no yoga.

no yoga

Could my July instability and superfunk be due to LACK OF YOGA?

seriously?

I mean jeez. I know what they say. But seriously?

Does yoga or lack thereof affect my mental health this significantly?

Does 2 classes a week keep my head screwed on straight?

You all are probably, like, duh Michelle. Ummm... hello?!?

Well. I'm a little slow sometimes.

It's back to yoga starting Saturday. I'll let you know next week if I'm better.

And let me know which item you think is NOT in my van.

dreamed? dreamt?

Do you know how many posts I've started in the past week?

A LOT.

But they all fizzle out before I can hit PUBLISH POST

Ah lah.

I finally got one going today that I actually thought I would finish, but half of it got lost in internet hyperspace and I can't quite get it together to rewrite it.

So here's the short version

I'm not sleeping well.

I'm having weird dreams.

My dreams are conjured by posts I read.

I dreamt of my mom.

She was young. And smiling. And her eyes sparkled.

The seeds of this dream were planted by Sister Adrienne here.

I think it's the first time I've ever dreamed of her.

Ever

A few nights later I dreamt I lived in a house like this.

Check it out here.

In the dream I was calm and light hearted

and woodland creatures scurried around my ankles

and bluebirds flew around my head.

Steph planted these seeds here and here and here.

And I dreamt of this lady

I think these seeds were sprinkled by this pict at Ms. Moon's house.

Today is Ms. Moon's birthday.

And Frida left this world 15 days before Ms. Moon entered it.

So.

If anyone would like to post about

him

or him

or him

be my guest

Happy Birthday Ms. Moon

Sunday Sermon: Circumcision

I know it's Monday, but this came up last night and, you know, it's summer and one day rolls in to the next.

And I needed a minute to think.

And I worked a 12 hour day.

So all in all, I feel a significant level of accomplishment getting this posted.

applause please

*****

So last night as I'm cleaning up after dinner, Jack and Ty come into the kitchen bickering.

T: There is so.
J: No there isn't.
T: Yes there is.
J: No there isn't. There's no such thing.
T: Yes there is. Ask mom. She told me so.
J: Mom, is there such a thing as female circumcision?

I've read a little here and there. The bulk of my knowledge comes from Possessing the Secret of Joy and random magazine articles. I remember once I was getting my hair done in a swanky Westport salon and the lady in the chair next to me was an artist. She cast sterling silver into flowy Georgia O'Keefy flower shaped mini sculptures to be worn on a cord around the neck. Though they looked like lillies, they actually represented female genitalia. All proceeds went to some organization in some African country that was working to change the cultural practice of female circumcision through education.

I remember back in nursing school there was a Somali mother and child who were both in the process of reconstructive surgery, having been recipients victims of female circumcision.

I also remember the sweating shaking resident sent into the newborn nursery to do his first circumcision. see one do one teach one. Poor thing. This nice Jewish boy who was so traumatized by having to perform a circumcision that he came out of the nursery, called his fiance, and swore they would never have their sons circumsized.

OK. Ty wants to know.

Do girls have foreskins?

My boys are not circumsized.

The thought of a piece of their newborn baby meat being cut off and thrown into the red hazardous waste bin was just not ok with me. Would I cut off one of their earlobes for no good reason?

No I would not.

We're talking about their penises, people.

OK. Back to vulvas.

Do you guys know what girl parts look like? Have you ever seen a picture or anything?
Well, Mom, Mia runs around naked all the time said by Ty with incredulous disgust and horror

Ok. Apparently my boys still have vigin eyes. I think. Maybe. Jack was pretty quiet though very attentive through the whole thing. hmmm...

I'd show you mine but I think that would be traumatizing

Ugh. Mom. I feel violated already

Sorry honey.

I thought about a google image search then decided that might be problematic...

So I drew them a picture. Stirrup view. Vaginal opening urethra peehole anus butthole clitoris the super sensitive part like the head of your penis labia minora labia majora.

What's that word Mom?

Labia honey. Its latin for lips.

Lips Mom? Lips? hee hee Seriously?

That's when Bruce walked in to the kitchen. He looked like a damn cartoon character. One foot through the doorway as I say clitoris. In a split second he's turned on his heels and high tailed it outta there.

chicken

I tried to explain in objective and only mildly judgemental way the why's of female circumcision. Not so easy to be nonjudgemental. Even the boys thought it was messed up once they wrapped their brains around it.

So they want sex to be painful so the women don't cheat?

Partly. It's partly just custom. Part of a girl growing up. Sometimes it's religious. It sounds weird, but its been done for so long in some places people don't think twice about it. But now people are being educated as to why it's a bad thing, and its happening less I think.

I hope.

That's screwed up mom.

People are screwed up, honey.

So Mom... do girls have a foreskin?

*****

To read more about female circumcision/female genital mutilation go here, here, and here.

Saturday scramble

Scrambled egg brain. Free range organic foraging flown the coop chicken shit crazy brain.

That's where I've been this week.

Mood up and down i guess that's to be expected

A little out of body-ish

oh well

this too shall pass

I do take some comfort in reading that NO ONE is able to keep up in blogland these days.

I thought it was just me.

I don't get to visit everyone in my reader.

My brain can't think straight enough to comment let alone post.

sigh

I've been trying for 2 weeks to grab a P.O.S. button, but I'm just too damn spazzy.

I was in a super-funk this week, so I decided to be productive. AKA throwing shit out. Dumping shit always makes me feel better. 7 bags of stuff we don't use went out with the trash. Clothes we don't wear. Kitchen crap cluttering the cabinets. I got the dogs nails clipped it's the little things. Cleaned out the mud room was more like a dirt room. The new window came. I went to Ty's cello camp concert and Mia's art camp exhibition.

I spent all week trying to catch my breath.

This morning I forced myself to finalize our plans for...

Riviera Maya

seriously. We're taking the 4 kids to Tulum. Yup. 4. You know how I am.

Purchasing the airline tickets and arranging a rental car just about drove me to pop a xanax.

But I prevailed. It took 3 hours, but I did it.

I usually don't have a problem with decision making. But I had 4 airports 16 airlines and too many other variables to consider. And fights to break up, pineapple to cut, and cello playing to applaud.

Through sweaty palms and pounding heart I pressed the purchase now button.

whew

I miss the days before Homeland Security and Orbitz. Back when I could walk in to an air conditioned office with my credit card and gaze at travel posters of Greece and Tahiti while a nice lady booked a flight for me and handed me a paper ticket complete with carbon.

Ah lah as Ms. Moon would say.

So the summer will end with a bang and a snorkel.

I can't wait.

Check out my sidebar. I got the button. No blogger summer school for me.