The Ins and Outs of Mother's Day

Ins and outs ups and downs good and bad

Good

the necklace I made my mom when I was in kindergarten. Peach colored sealing wax dripped onto black thread.

It was beautiful. I still remember the way that sealing wax smelled

Bad

feeling so estranged from my mother that, except for the sealing wax necklace, I have no other childhood memories of mother's day

Good

I'm not blindingly furious at my mother anymore. I understand her better now

Bad

I still feel little motivation to pick up the phone and call her after 10 days of hospitalization and a new pacemaker.

Maybe I'll call her today.

Maybe

Ups n downs
Ty sight reading Bach's cello suites

An hour later finding him on YouTube watching how to build a smoke bomb at home

Mia is better. Kind of. I think

Jack is awesome

My family is intact and my husband is healthier than he's been in many a mothers day but today he has to be at the restaurant cooking for other kid's mothers and other men's wives. Oh well

Ins and outs
Trying to get a grip on slippery sticky situations with growing boys.

While watching Lost on Hulu, Jack not shepherd notices a tube of K-Y on my bedside table. The most awesome cleaning lady had done her thing. One of those things being cleaning under our bed and fishing out the tube of K-Y that was tossed under there, like, last week.

Mom what's this?

Ummm...uhhh...

As Jack reads the label, Ty notices that he does not recognize the tube either.

Mom what is that?

Jack got to "personal lubricant" on the back label and all of a sudden was like

it's nothing TY it's just skin cream don't worry about it Ty OH MY GOD MOM UGGH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THAT THERE IT'S SO DISTURBING!

Well. Then of course Ty had to read the back. Personal loo... loob... rik... ant...

Meant nothing to him. But CONDOM meant a whole lot.

Condom? Condom mom?

Honey I don't know what that label says...the words are too small... I don't have my glasses on. slip slidin away

Mom. It says CONDOMS.

Daddy doesn't use condoms. good answer

I think Ty remained in the dark regarding the tube of gelee is it french mom? and why it was in my posession. Poor Jack, on the other hand, was not in the dark. He made it perfectly clear that he wanted to gouge his eyes out to rid himself of the image of his parents and a tube of K-Y.

Being a mother. Best fuckin thing I ever did. Never so much fear and never so much joy. Never so much strength and never so much courage. Never so much love

Happy Mothers Day to all you strong courageous loving blog mamas!

Class Trips

Defiant. Inattentive Hyperactive. Oppositional. Hyperactive this bears repeating
The professional in me automatically assessed and diagnosed most of the kids in the group.

The mom in me came up with a completely different assessment

Obnoxious. Rude. Ill mannered. Disrespectful.

dammit I wanna ring all their necks and give them all spankings

And my kid was first in line for that... ummm... consequence.

I HATE chaperoning class trips. Seriously. But I do it cause it's important to my kids. My mom NEVER chaperoned. And I took it personally. I remember the envy I felt seeing someone else's mom chaperoning a field trip. I remember feeling like there was a big neon sign over my head. A sign with an arrow

her mother doesn't love her

Well.

So I go on the class trips whenever I can. And my kids appreciate it. Their faces light up when they round the corner and see me standing there with my visitor badge stuck to my hoodie. Even their friends get excited. hi mia's mom hi ty's mom

2 weeks ago, we went to the Dia

shoot me

I HATE this kind of art. It makes no sense to me and it made no sense to the kids. I mean it's cool that this museum is right in our town and the 2nd grade class just walked down the hill and tada Warhols and.... whatever...I don't know any of the other artists.

I do know that we looked at strings strung from floor to ceiling, holes dug in the ground, and white canvasses. Painted white.

did I say how much I hate this shit? I mean art?

Mia says mommy i don't get it. it's a pile of broken glass

tell me about it

The tour lady is talking to the 8 year olds about value and depth and subtleties of beige on beige.

are you fucking kidding me???

And the Dia staff, dressed in black, tracks our every movement with eagle eyes and transmits our activity via walkie talkie

watch the kid in the yellow t shirt-he gets too close to the work

they're approaching the stairs

they're exiting the building

honestly. like they're secret service or something

while we strolled through the room full of crushed soda cans, a friend who shall remain nameless but actually was once upon a time a Dia Secret Service Agent too happened to send me a text referring to the fact that she was up in stirrups having her tilted uterus examined

I replied I'd take a metal speculum over the Dia any day of the week

seriously. I would

The activity planned for the kids was pretty cool. I guess. But I didn't really get it.

As far as the kids were concerned, they liked it cause it gave them a chance to walk in circles and get dizzy.

*****

Today's field trip was out in nature. We explored water habitats. It's a beautiful spot, also right in our town. We are very lucky to have such diversity in this goofy little city.

One kid pulls something out of the garbage can and can't understand why he can't keep it.

The teacher smiles at me and says poor things. they're so confused. one minute they're at the Dia looking at artwork made from found objects and then they don't understand why they can't keep the trash they find on the playground.

Let me remind you this is the school playground. Where rubber trees grow. In abundance.

Sorry. I digress

Well. The kids were just bad today. They must be bad cause they CAN'T all be diagnosable. right?

You'd think being out in nature and checking out bugs and waterfalls and beaver dams would keep their attention.

dammit if this kid falls in I'm gonna be pissed

Where were we?

Oh, right. The fresh air and space just made them all wacko. Crazed. Out of control.

They ignored the teacher. They ignored the habitat bug lady. They ignored the other chaperones.

They ignored me.

What???

I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!

So I got mean. I didn't boil any beavers but I might now be thought of as the meanest mom in the class.

That's OK. Whatever works.

I've never been so glad to get on a school bus in my life.

Supper Shenanigans and Dinner Drama

Seriously

this is what I put up with.

When we were growing up the rule was

no singing at the table

except for grace

Nothin On You

Hey, Soul Sister

I believe in you

like a virgin, you're Madonna

or, as Mia sings it

I believe in you

like a bug in your vagina

what mommy??? those are the words

I kinda like that they sing at the table

Woman of Faith, Woman of Reason

It's a rainy spring Sunday and I'm holding services at the Beacon Satellite Chapel of the Church of the Batshit Crazy

Today I'm looking through the swiss cheese holes of my mad cow brain at the question why?

As in why the fuck are we here?

I know. It's the Age Old Question.

But right now I'm in that place that begs desperately to believe there is a reason goddammit.

I don't need to know what the reason is.

I just need to know that the struggle and heartache is not for nothin as jordana would say

I need to believe that what we do means something.

That the good deeds good energy good will truly makes things better.

Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

Sometimes I can't help but think there is a plan. A purpose. Destiny.

That's why I love LOST

there are no coincidences

That's why I love OWEN MEANY

we all have a purpose

So when every damn baby that I examine reaches for my ganesh necklace I choose to see meaning behind it.

And when the guy at the convenience store nods his head at me reaches into his shirt pulls out his ganesh and says

my mother gave me this when I came to the states I choose to see meaning there.

And when the pharmacist hands me my prozac refill and says what's that? And points to my chest what? do I have a rash? and I realize he's pointing to ganesh I want to say hindu god remover of obstacles removed my stubbornness arrogance resignation and gave me the green light on this here light blue pill.

And the light blue pill has removed the obstacles to a life of joy and hope and laughter. Thank you Ganesha

I remember Sister Adrienne saying to me, long before I even knew what a blog was, that we could find and communicate with people all over the planet. And there was a huge amount of power to be harnessed. And with that power we could change the world.

Change the world? What the fuck is she talking about?

But I'm starting to believe it now. Just a little bit.

And Yogini Shannon talks about things coming together and there's some really amazing stuff happening

and I say all these things are just coming up all of a sudden and it has never happened before and it's a little bit creepy

and she says maybe you just weren't ready then, but now you are

Well jesus mary and ganesh I'm not sure that I'm ready at all.

If you save one life you save all of human kind or something like that

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Can you dig it?

Amen

It's all I have for today...

why is a mother's love

not enough

to heal her child?

Sundays In My City

On a lighter note...

I see this every day that I drive to work

and everyday it cracks me up

I love a mailbox in tie-dye

oooh... look at those pects...

Unknown Mami

she da mam

michelle and the terrible awful no good very bad day

I had a very bad day today

heartwrenching

scary

terrible

no good

very bad

But

through it all

I thought

shit, this is

NOTHING

compared to what the family

is going through

This family

my patients

had today what may be remembered

as the most devastaing day

of their lives

But I'm hoping

and praying

that this

terrible

awful

no good

very bad

day

becomes their

fall away day

Friday Fragments

Brought to you by Mrs. 4444

It's Friday already

wow that was fast

*****

Voila is that how you spell it? A donate button on my sidebar. Not sure if it's working. It would be just like me to sweat and grunt over getting it up there and spaz out somewhere along the line.

Never fear. I'll figure it out.

If anyone is having trouble with it, let me know.

In the mean time, if you don't yet know about Kim, and are interested, go here. I sent her an email yesterday with a link to the post. I'm so excited to be able to help her out with the amazing work she's doing. I'm going to forward some of the emails I've received from you all. It truly is an astounding thing. I LOVE ALL YOU BLOGGY ANGELS.

*****

Jack had his first track meet this week. He joined JV track and competes in the long jump and the 800 meter. As I've said before, he's a pipsqueak. Tiny. All the other kids tower over him. Especially the girls. He was nervous and not satisfied with his performance in the long jump. 11 ft sounds like a lot for a kid who's not yet 5 ft to jump. But what do I know?

The 800 meter was one of the last events. Jack was the only one from his school competing. The other team had one boy and 4 girls competing. The girls towered over Jack by almost a foot. Seriously. He looks across the track at me and mouths i. am. so. screwed. The gun goes off and off goes Jack. I thought he's never gonna be able to keep up that pace. Running like it's a 50 yard sprint. Well, let me tell you. He kept up that pace. Two laps around the track. Sheer determination.

He came in 1st place.

Then he threw up.

But it was only a little bit and he did it in such a Cool Jack Ima Trackstar Rockstar way he wasn't even embarrassed.

*****

Bruce is listening to The Omnivore's Dilemma while he drives to work everyday. Which means every morning at just about 10, I get a call and hear his Food Rant of the Day.

Chica, did you know that.... high fructose corn syrup

Chica, did you know that.... vegetarian ethics animal rights

Chica, did you know that.... food miles + ecologic footprint

Seriously?

He must have been humoring me for the last 3 years when the same rants were coming out of my mouth

*****

At 8:50 this morning I walked out the door with my yoga mat strapped to my back all ready for class and realized the dog was gone.

Dammit

Damn dog

So much for class

I called for him. I'm sure I looked and sounded like a lunatic on my front porch.

The lady across the street said I've been sitting out here a while and I haven't seen him.

I text Shannon

walking out the door all ready for class and realize the dog is missing. Kids left the gate open. Shoot me

who is this? God Bless

It's michelle. Aye aye aye

michelle who? God Bless

The crazy michelle. Mia's mom. Do I have the wrong #?

I think so lol God Bless

Sorry! Have a good day

lol u2 text me anytime u sound like a nice person God Bless

At about 9:20 Dumbass Dusty came trotting up the sidewalk. So glad he didn't get squished like a grape. God Bless

*****

So the antibiotics took care of my bloody marshmallow sore throat, but gave me a lovely yeast infection. TMI? just keeping it real

Anyhoo. The other day Mia and I were on our way to the health food store and I said honey remind me I need soy creamer for coffee and stuff for yeast.

yeast? what's yeast?

So I have a bonding moment with my daughter and explain, in a completely age appropriate way, yeast infections. charming

mommy. I can't remember that word. It's a weird word. tell me about it

OK honey. Just remind me that I need stuff for my vagina and stuff for my coffee.

I figured she'd remember THAT.

And she did.

*****

Happy Happy Friday!

Ganesh and I need your help

get a snack, a glass of wine, or go pee... this is a long one


How do I rig a donate button?
Do I need to set up a paypal thingy?
Does anyone out there know anyone who knows anything about not for profits fund raising or grass roots organizations?

I'm trying to help a mom whose kids are patients of mine. She doesn't know about my blog. She doesn't really know I'm trying to help her
Cause I'm afraid I might fail and I don't want to let her down

Let me tell you about Kim. Kim is a single mom. She works as a CT tech. She's older than I am. She has two kids. Matthew is 15 and Judy is 9

They're both adopted

They both have Down syndrome

Kim adopted one baby with Down Syndrome. 5 years later she adopted another

Oh, and did I say she's a single mom?

There you go

2 weeks ago they came in to see me for a routine visit. They told me about Judy's pen pal in Florida, a little girl who had neuroblastoma and had died before Judy could get down there to say goodbye. Kim told me that Judy asked to speak at her friend's memorial service.
I asked Judy what she was going to say.

Even though my friend is gone, she will always be in my heart. Judy crosses her hands over her heart. And whenever the wind blows, I'll know she's calling my name... and then I'm gonna sing

What are you gonna sing?

AAH..MAY...ZI...ING...GRAACE ...



Seriously??? Are you fucking kidding me??? I didn't really say that

And do you know what she did next?

Yup... she noticed Ganesh


Is this a princess? I think it's a princess. A princess with a trunk. I think its a magic princess with a trunk. Is it magic? I think it is. What's the password to let the magic out?

She holds my necklace in her hands.

Abracadabra. No that's not it.

Magic princess. Nope that didn't work either.

I want to say the magic word so I can be a princess too and kiss a frog and he'll turn into a prince. I want to be a beautiful princess with a trunk.

I know! Hannah Montana

That night when I got home I ordered Judy a Ganesh necklace. She's determined to figure out the secret password to let the magic out. She also told Kim that she loves the necklace not ONLY for its magic but also because now she and I have something in common

Damn


Let me tell you more about the mom Kim.

Last year, Kim decided she wanted to grant wishes specifically to kids with Down Syndrome. So she started granting wishes. With just her cell phone and her tenacious drive.

Oh. And in case you forgot? Kim is the working single mom of two kids with Down Syndrome whom she adopted as infants.


All wishers have Down Syndrome.

Some have complications that come along with Trisomy 21

Wish #1
30 year old, who lives in Washington State, wants to meet Reba McEntire. Kim gets on the phone. When she's done, this wisher has 2 nights in a hotel, entrance to the Oregon State Fair where Miss Reba is performing, front row seats and a backstage visit. And gas money.

Wish #2
A 7 year old with leukemia who has just gone through 2 years of chemo needs a new bed. Mom had put a bed on layaway at a store in Michigan, but can't afford to pay the balance. Kim gets on the phone. When she's done, the wisher has a complete bedroom set and a bedroom makeover. And her brother has a new bedroom too. And the family has 2 new couches and new wall to wall carpeting. In time for Christmas

Wish #3
A young man, who lives in Texas, wants to arrive at his 30th birthday party in a limo. He wants to wear a tux. Kim gets on the phone, and talks to the mom who has been unemployed for a while and says there is no party. When Kim is done, they have a banquet hall, a limo, a tux, a DJ, a videographer, food and drink from Panera and Pepsi for 50 guests , a limo shaped cake, and paper and plastic wear from Target. Kim also gets Delta to donate a plane ticket to fly his sister in from Washington. And Marriott to donate a hotel room for sis and transportation to and from the airport. So when the wisher steps into the limo, his most favorite sister is waiting for him. Surprise!

Wish #4
Two girls, one from Alabama and one from Pennsylvania, had the same wish. To meet Miley Cyrus. Kim gets on the phone and gets Walmart, who's sponsoring a concert, to donate 7 front row tickets. Kim gets on the phone with Miley's tour manager and gets the girls in to a pre-concert sound check party. She gets hotel accommodations for them both. She gives them gas money out of her own pocket.

Wish #5
A 5 year old in Michigan wants to be able to ride bikes with her big sisters. But this 5 year old has a brain tumor and a tracheal tumor. Kim finds a specialized tricycle that the little girl will be able to ride. A $1500 tricycle. She gets on the phone, and gets the manufacturer to donate the trike. And pay for shipping.


The wishes go on. Specialized hearing aids from Switzerland that insurance won't pay for. Specialized stroller for a child in L.A. with multiple medical issues. New clothes. Puppies.

Just Kim and her phone.

And she does it all just to see the smiles on their faces when they get their wish.

It makes her happy.

So she's trying to set up a not for profit. She can get all this stuff for others, but she won't ask for stuff for herself. She needs someone to design her website. She needs a logo.

So. I'm WAY not good at organizing and I hate anything that remotely resembles a commitee.
I also hate asking anyone for anything.

And I do. not. like. talking on the phone.

But in July there is a huge annual Downs conference in Orlando that Kim would love to attend. This conference also holds a subconference for people over the age of 15 who have Down syndrome themselves. Matthew is 15 and would be happy as a clam if he got the chance to participate. And Kim is so BEAST and fearless that I can't even imagine the contacts and committments she'll leave with if she's able to go.

Kim's sister will pay for a hotel room but she doesn't have the cash for 2 roundtrip tickets from NY to Orlando.

Hence my desire for a donate button.
I think I may just match donations dollar for dollar

I'm asking for your help. I know blogland is a huge resource. I just don't know how to access it. So if anyone out there can direct me to...
How to set up a donate button
Anyone who knows anything about starting up not for profits or the business/legal that goes with it
Any blog moms of kids with Down syndrome or other special needs who are super duper powerhouses like Kim and

may know the magic words to remove the obstacles to Kim's wish...

I would be eternally grateful