on a saturday at the end of november
one thing led to another and in just a few hours time suddenly i was free.
free of feeling bound to someone who was Not Available.
free of thinking/hoping maybe someday.
I was cut loose and I was
and being cut loose didn't even hurt. I had heaped the hurt on myself for 3 years by
I couldn't do the severing myself and neither could he.
I'm very sure She was the one who cut the tie.
thank god for that
so I was free.
Long before i was free i resigned myself to the idea that no man could compare to this Unavailable Man. no one else would make me feel so gorgeous. no one else would seemingly put everything on the line to be with me. no one else would dream of me the way he had.
and i could never desire anyone the way i desired him.
I thought sure it's possible but exactly where am i going to meet a man to rival the unavailable one? i dont go out. i dont like parties. i dont have friends. im old. i wont date anyone i meet through my job cuz that would just be weird. and im done with match
So I accepted the idea that I would likely never feel that kind of passion again.
And that made me very very sad.
i was working in the yard on a sunday at the end of november and mia came out
mommy can i go to autumns house frankie called me she's at autumns house and they want me to come over
she's a girl at school shes friends with frankie frankie is there and they want me to come over
is it ok with autumns mom?
she lives with her dad her dad's there its ok with him
and because i will jump at any and all opportunities to unload my kids i said sure
mia got the address and i mapped it. just a few minutes away across the creek.
i pulled up to the house and mia jumped out of the car. It occurred to me that i might look like a Bad Mom if i just dropped my 11 year old daughter at some kid's house with some kid's dad and didn't introduce myself.
i was kinda raised by wolves
he came around the side of the house to say hello. the sun was behind me shining into his eyes.
jasper eyes sparkling and changing color like the mala beads that hang around my neck.
he smiled his shy sparkly smile with his wolverine snaggle teeth.
i got a glimpse of big hands and tattooed arms.
he sparkled at me.
hi im michelle mias mom
hi im paul
SHAKE HIS HAND
he wiped his hand on his jeans and said im kinda dirty.
he sparkled at me some more
im kinda dirty too
TAKE HIS HAND
TAKE HIS HAND
i didnt take his hand
but i knew if i had it would have been magic.
and when i finally took his hand it was