"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Sunday, July 10, 2011

match this

I put myself on Match


Yes. Match.





What else am I supposed to do?
Either I'm at work or I'm at home. Which is fine. I actually LIKE my life the way it is.
But it leaves no possibility for meeting an Eligible Bachelor.
though I was asked to dinner by Fred Sanford's twin while on line at Rite Aid

I hate parties. I hate bars. I don't dance.
I'm 47 goddammit.
When I was 27 I had already been hating that shit for a decade.

I'm anti-social. I like being by myself. I don't want to talk to anyone.

But you already know that about me.

I also like MEN. I like being the object of someone's desire.
I like kissing.
I like that tingly feeling.
I like realizing that I'm 47 and I can still feel the way I felt a decade before I was 27 when I was am making out with a boy man in a parked car.

But alas that's
all I like want.
I don't want to play house with anyone.
I don't want anyone around my kids.
I don't want to compromise or adjust or negotiate or sacrifice dammit.

Life has been UnBloggable for a while now. I've been distracted.
Sister Adrienne is shocked that there is actually stuff I won't blog about.
But I need to Protect the Innocent.

The Unbloggable was wrapped up in every breath I took.
It was in my head my first and last minutes of consciousness day and night.
It couldn't be extricated from any thought or any moment of my day.
It colored all my waking hours.

Jordana said Write about the kids. Write about current events.

I couldn't write about anything without the haloed head of The Unbloggable rising up and blinding my ability to think straight.

Now The Unbloggable is No More.
It's fine.
It was wonderful while it lasted and it was never gonna be anything other than short and sweet. And that's what it was.

Hence my foray into Internet Dating.


I set up my profile about 2 weeks ago.
It's deliberately weird and wacky to scare away the straights as Bruce would say.
The question What are you looking for? got the answer I'm looking for the male equivalent to a Calgon Bath.
Jordana and Shannon Did Not Approve. I guess I sounded like a hootch.
I just wanted to be clear that I'm not looking for a LTR long term relationship.
All the blah blah blah about walks in the park and perfect matches and the rest of our lives made me want to vomit.

So. I received a bunch of winks and a bunch of emails.
And one stood out.
Something in his profile made me laugh out loud at 7:30 in the morning.
10 points for an early a.m. laugh.
We emailed back and forth and he kept me laughing in a not trying too hard I'm just an idiot kinda way that was really charming.
He didn't seem to take himself too seriously. Creative. Smart.
Seemed like someone I could have fun with.
Even Sister Adrienne cracked up reading the email exchanges. Very funny guy.

There were only one or two red flags...

So we met one afternoon this week. A pre-date date.

Within 3 minutes I learned he has a SIGNIFICANT psychiatric disorder for which the doctors are having a hard time finding the right medication.

are you kidding me?


Well. Still a nice, funny, intelligent guy. He thinks if he finds the Right Woman he won't need medication at all because Love will solve his problem.

Bless His Heart as Ms. Moon would say. But I am NOT that woman.

I'm off Match.


  1. Ok, I am so serious when I say that I have been on both Match and eharmony...and by far, hands WAY down, I have met the craziest of the crazies on Match. Seriously. Everyone on there seems to have some sort of weird issue (except me...right? RIGHT? Heh heh). Anyway, yes, Match is where the crazy men live it seems. I'm done with it too.

  2. Oh my my my.... I was as glad to hear from you and see your amazing home as I was sorry to hear of your unfortunate match. Not a match at all. It's funny, though, that a sense of humor would be the biggest attraction for me too. I love a funny guy, but need a stable sane one too. Oh well. May the right guy find you, may you find the right guy..

  3. I want to jump up and down and shout praises to the skies that you're on this morning! I am so happy to hear your voice, read your words, see that photo and laugh at your story. And I'm sorry to hear of the "match" -- surely someone else will come along while you're waiting in line somewhere else. I've got my fingers crossed.

    So happy that you're back.

  4. Well we sent Lola's letter, and it came back saying 'address not deliverable' Can you email me your address again? We did something wrong.

    And yes, as the old thrash band sang 'run for your life / run to the hills '

    wow. love, not medication? wow.

  5. I have missed you!

    Hmmm ... maybe there's a match.com in Liberia? Oh no, I'm finding more than my fair share of crazies as I "date" my way through the judiciary here.

    Glad you know what you want!

  6. I love your answer on the Calgon bath. Awesome! I want t read the rest of your answers.

  7. Your house...
    Oh my god. Perfection.
    As to Match? Or any other? I have no idea. But let me say this- I am completely and utterly amazed and proud that you are so bravely saying "YES!" to life.
    I love you Michelle. I have missed you.

  8. OF COURSE a man with a significant psychiatric disorder found his way to you... yikes.

    My ex husband also has a significant psychiatric disorder and remains unmedicated. He runs marathons instead. Thinks that will do the trick. Ack.

    So so so so happy to see you in my broken Google reader this a.m. Am in love with your house. I got a puppy. Can we visit?


  9. the boy/men in parked cars are the innocent, huh? phooey.

    did i tell you the one about the man and woman suffering from/through/with adult nocturnal enurisis who found each other across the miles, though kept their condition(s) secret? when either of them had an accident they each thought they were the one responsible.

  10. p.s. maggie came to me for an address correction a week or so ago. funny how many of your bloggy friends think we're the same person.

  11. First of all, thank-you for stopping by my blog, I am so glad you popped over from Movie's.

    Next - wow what a great first post to read. I think we might have a lot in common. I took a blog break on and off for a year due to unbloggable that I "wore like a halo around my head." Also, I have told my hubs, if anything happens to him or between us, I am never marrying or sharing my home again. I love my time to myself. But, like you, I do like men and would have to work it in somehow. Love your last line - bless his heart, BUT...

    Side note - your header photo is lovely. I love your sanctuary.

  12. Omg Michelle, the men on Match must have thought all their Christmases had come at once, you are so fabulous. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

    I love the picture of your new house. So sunny and bright and beautiful. x

  13. you ARE a hootch! Necking in cars at 17???? Tsk Tsk Tsk!

  14. Hi!

    I am new here and you may not be interested but my fiance and I just bought a house. Oh, yes we did!

    And I met him on Plenty of Fish. Which is free. I did meet some creepy weirdos before my fiance but I think it is worth a try. Why? The biggest ass I ever met was a guy I was introduced to. It turned out he was a coke addicted, a chain smoker and an alcoholic. I could not do much worse so I went on Plenty of Fish. And I met an amazing man and fell in love and knew within a week that he was the one. PS- Go for an older man. They are way more stable and will be looking for the same stuff you are.

  15. Oh, we have been together over 4 years now. :-)

  16. I am laughing so hard right now. A freakin' psycho??? As your luck would have it...

    Girlfriend, just go to craigslist and find a 23 year old stud to come by for a little sumpin-sumpin every few weeks.

    I personally will NOT start dating again if anything happens to my husband. Hell, I don't even care that much about sex anymore. My life and my kids keep me busy enough.

    Maybe when they're gone and I'm in the retirement home I can find a little boyfriend with his own oxygen tank.

  17. I LOVE your new place! So much light. So cheery.

    I would have gone the Match route, too, had I not met the Viking first. Also, checking out the potential guys is the funniest, most entertaining thing EVER. I helped a friend check out her suitable suitors. We laughed until we cried.

    I love you SO MUCH, Michelle. I am so glad to read your post. I have missed you.

    Hang in there. When you are not looking to get serious, the right one usually shows up. The Universe is abundant and WEIRD.


  18. OMG Michelle, similar experience. I scared myself off of match. Communicating with a man, same thing, funny, sweet, smart... I'm no stranger to mental illness, but just got freaked the fuck out when I find out he's on disability for bipolar.
    I love your writing though. You blow me away every time.
    I felt the unbloggable in my gut just by your small telling of it. I'm so so sorry.
    You're terribly brave.
    Keep truckin mama.
    You astound me.

  19. Well, I can tell the man from experience (treating mental health) that love will not cure all! I am glad that you found out early in the game.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.