match this

I put myself on Match

Match?

Yes. Match.

Match.

Dot.

Com.

Seriously.

What else am I supposed to do?

Either I'm at work or I'm at home. Which is fine. I actually LIKE my life the way it is.

But it leaves no possibility for meeting an Eligible Bachelor.

though I was asked to dinner by Fred Sanford's twin while on line at Rite Aid

I hate parties. I hate bars. I don't dance.

I'm 47 goddammit.

When I was 27 I had already been hating that shit for a decade.

I'm anti-social. I like being by myself. I don't want to talk to anyone.

But you already know that about me.

I also like MEN. I like being the object of someone's desire.

I like kissing.

I like that tingly feeling.

I like realizing that I'm 47 and I can still feel the way I felt a decade before I was 27 when I was am making out with a boy man in a parked car.

But alas that's all I like want.

I don't want to play house with anyone.

I don't want anyone around my kids.

I don't want to compromise or adjust or negotiate or sacrifice dammit.

Life has been UnBloggable for a while now. I've been distracted.

Sister Adrienne is shocked that there is actually stuff I won't blog about.

But I need to Protect the Innocent.

The Unbloggable was wrapped up in every breath I took.

It was in my head my first and last minutes of consciousness day and night.

It couldn't be extricated from any thought or any moment of my day.

It colored all my waking hours.

Jordana said Write about the kids. Write about current events.

I couldn't write about anything without the haloed head of The Unbloggable rising up and blinding my ability to think straight.

So.

Now The Unbloggable is No More.

It's fine.

It was wonderful while it lasted and it was never gonna be anything other than short and sweet. And that's what it was.

Hence my foray into Internet Dating.

Aack

I set up my profile about 2 weeks ago.

It's deliberately weird and wacky to scare away the straights as Bruce would say.

The question What are you looking for? got the answer I'm looking for the male equivalent to a Calgon Bath.

Jordana and Shannon Did Not Approve. I guess I sounded like a hootch.

I just wanted to be clear that I'm not looking for a LTR long term relationship.

All the blah blah blah about walks in the park and perfect matches and the rest of our lives made me want to vomit.

So. I received a bunch of winks and a bunch of emails.

And one stood out.

Something in his profile made me laugh out loud at 7:30 in the morning.

10 points for an early a.m. laugh.

We emailed back and forth and he kept me laughing in a not trying too hard I'm just an idiot kinda way that was really charming.

He didn't seem to take himself too seriously. Creative. Smart.

Seemed like someone I could have fun with.

Even Sister Adrienne cracked up reading the email exchanges. Very funny guy.

There were only one or two red flags...

So we met one afternoon this week. A pre-date date.

Within 3 minutes I learned he has a SIGNIFICANT psychiatric disorder for which the doctors are having a hard time finding the right medication.

are you kidding me?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Well. Still a nice, funny, intelligent guy. He thinks if he finds the Right Woman he won't need medication at all because Love will solve his problem.

Bless His Heart as Ms. Moon would say. But I am NOT that woman.

I'm off Match.