"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Who's The Man?

What happened to this lady?

OK. Fine. I wouldn't click on the links either...

What happened to the grow our own food local farmer's market raw milk contraband meat grind my own wheat make my own bread no fast food no soda no sugar make it from scratch mama who only ate eggs from her very own chickens?

Where the fuck is she?

She's vamoosed.


Last week Ty said to me mom you're like The Man AND The Woman.
You do all the Man Things** and you also do all the Woman Things.

Tonight I made spaghetti and frozen meatballs no msg first ingredient beef second ingredient pork because tacos required TOO MUCH damn EFFORT.

I said half to Jack and half to myself it's ok if i don't cook i work full time and take care of 3 kids and i'm The Man so i don't have to cook

Jack said mom you are so not the man you can't bitch about your period and have no balls when it comes to mia and call yourself The Man.

He's got a point.
I talk about my period A LOT.
Jack advises ibuprofen and a lot of water.
Ty looks at me like I have two heads and says mom didnt you JUST HAVE your period?

poor things

And he's right. I have no balls with Mia.

So. Back to claiming my manhood in the presence of my adolescent son.

Mom, you're not gonna go all lesbian on us are you? i mean it's ok if you do but you won't... right?

No honey. I like men

How many of you are thinking omg how inappropriate?
how many of you are thinking I wish I could be that open with my kid?

Whatever. I fall somewhere in the space between.


The point is, I've decided to cut myself some slack.

I work.
I work hard.
I work long hours.
I bring home my share of the bacon.

Ty fries it up in a pan. He's a much better cook than I.

I juggle my kids. And all their friends.

I'm the Cool Mom.

My home is the place they all choose to be.
They'd all rather be here than anywhere else.
That's pretty neat.

So what if I don't cook from scratch?
So what if BJ's is my new favorite place to shop?
I buy industrial meat patties in bulk and the boys know how to fire up the bar b q and they live on hamburgers and hot dogs and toaster strudel and oreos.
And Coke.

They all eat standing up and on the move and never at the dining room table.
They don't even use plates.
Who gives a shit?
Not me. I have my own plate and there's plenty on it.

I'll ignore the voice in my head reminding me about the importance of family dinner, cooking for loved ones, communion, and you are what you eat.

The kids are way happier with me not cooking.
I come home with a trunkful of frozen ready to microwave food and they throw their arms around me and say we love you mom you're the best mom in the world all this food we're set for LIFE.

And I count up the 4 or 5 14 yr olds and the 2 or 3 10 yr olds and a couple a 9 yr olds and random neighborhood kids and if we're lucky some cousins and I say we're set for the weekend. Maybe.


I pulled the wrong way out of a parking spot today leaving Ty's cello concert and ripped the bumper off my new car.
But dammit if I didn't get down on my hands and knees in my dress and yank that fucker out from underneath the car so I could drive my broken car home.
I don't need no stinkin tow truck.
I don't need no stinkin help.
I don't need no stinkin man.
Though it did cross my mind to call roadside assistance.
I can do it myself. Just like a 2 year old.

Though it is kinda funny how many men will offer their assistance and experience and help when they realize I'm a "single mom"
the tree guy
the fence guy
the mover guy
the painter guy
the electrical guy
sometimes I pull the smile bat my lashes and play dumb act
most times it doesn't feel like an act

So who's the man?

**Never fear. Bruce is no Dead Beat Dad. And he's a good friend. As he always has been.


  1. Who needs balls when you can buy meatballs at the store?
    I love you, Michelle. I think you are right there in the place you need to be and it is working wonderfully well. I am glad you see what you are, what you do, what your worth is which is your weight (and then some because you are skinny) in gold.

  2. I've started buying REGULAR milk instead of organic and feel pissed that I'm incredibly self-conscious about it.

    This post made me laugh. And sort of want to cry.

  3. Right there with you. I hate to cook and do try to buy my food more, er, responsibly. But the kid is happy when there is a freezer full of food and if one of his friends stops by and he wants to offer him appropriate teen junk food, that makes him happy too. So be it. Trader Joe's to the rescue.

    Also, I'm positive you have bigger balls than my ex husband

    Love you mucho. xo

  4. You're the man and the woman and the mama who can get her child to his cello concert and pull the fender out from under the car in her fancy clothes and count heads and know that your kids know how to feed themselves and their friends and they don't have to mince words with you and they know the world and equal to it because they have the example of you. The man. The woman. The mama. All of it fabulous. xo

  5. I love to cook, but my husband is just as happy with a bowl of cereal. Right now he's munching on microwaved chicken wings. I save the cooking for the weekend. It's amazing how much money I've saved. Since there aren't any kids, I don't have to worry about feeding a neighborhood.

  6. Oh god, I have to laugh because when I forst started reading your blog 100 years ago I though "who really buys that kind of food for their kids?" but decided to keep reading you anyway (you KNOW I am a judgemental bitch, right?), and love you, and-you do what you gotta do. That's all I can really say. You do it all and some important stuff gets pushed aside but-ultimately it well be fine. I send hugs.

  7. I love you. I think you're great. I think your relationship with the kids is great, too.

    We DON'T need no stinkin' men! I've happen to have one, and I love him, but I don't need him to survive, and that's pretty darn nice.


  8. Is that really where you're living? SO GORGEOUS.
    I think you can't worry about all that stuff when you are working your ass off the way you are. You're amazing. Loved the lesbo convo with your son!

  9. You are doing great. Really. You have the priorities right. The love, the making sure everyone is taken care of and fed in the first place. Worry about the sit-down dinner when you have the time and the energy. Right now, you are doing what needs to be done. You the man AND the woman, dammit. And good ones at that. x


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.