"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Monday, April 11, 2011

Kid-less liberation

It was a kid-less weekend.

For the most part.

The boys went off for an overnight with Bruce early Saturday, and I drove Mia down to Sister Melanie's for a girls' night.

And then I was by myself.

The last time I had 24 hours to myself I mopped the floors.

That was almost 2 years ago.


Saturday morning I read this.
Thanks NOLA.
It's about the atrocities being committed in Cote d'Ivoire and folks try to cross into Liberia.

It left me feeling afraid and sad and angry and embarrassed and disgusted at the ability for people to be conduits of evil
and awestruck at the ability for people to survive.
how do you go on?

It left me feeling deep gratitude oh my god i can't imagine thank you we're safe here

It made me pray all day.

If that's what you call it.


So I didn't mop. I tried to pack. Again.

We've yet to have more than a handful of perfect spring days. Saturday was one of them.

Pack schmack. I'm gonna do yard work.
I mean, why should the new tenants have to deal with a whole winter worth of Dusty shit bombs in the back yard?

And I needed some sunshine on my shoulders.

So I picked up all the dog poop.
I removed the blue balls and Christmas lights from the porch it looks plucked and bald unadorned

I cleared some of the dead weeds leftover from the fall.
I picked up all the shingles that this wicked winter tore off the roof.

I looked to see if the lilacs were budding.

Half of the lilac hedge is bent in submission.
I thought it was from last year's Snowmageddon.
All that heavy snow took the poor lilacs down.
I thought they'd spring back in the spring, but they spent the whole year remaining prostrate, unable to stand tall.

I took a closer look.
Those beautiful lilacs were being strangled by some
nasty vining choking look alike fuckers that were relentlessly taking them down.

Fuck that.
Fuck you. You can't strangle my lilacs goddamit.
No fuckin way.

Clippers. Handsaw. No gloves.
I spent 2 hours liberating the lilacs.

My hands were scratched and bleeding halfway to my elbows.

Fuck you vine you cannot do this you think you can do this? you cannot strangle the lilacs i'm gonna cut you off at you're ankles so fuck you. I'll bleed and my skin will sting and my nails will break but fuck you i'm taking you down with my bare hands. fuck gloves. fuck you.

ummm... michelle... it's just a vine doing it's viney thing. And they're just lilacs.

It wasn't until my fourth trip dragging away the defeated vines michelle what the fuckin fuck is goin on in your head?

oh. right. Cote d'Ivoire was goin on in my head.

talk about transference.


After that I had to get out of the house.

So I got in the car all dirty and smelly and scratched up with leaves and briars in my hair thinking I need a new bed.

The Sleepy's sales lady didn't bat an eye at my appearance but I was certainly ready with a look lady I was liberating the downtrodden and my knees and my back hurt and I want a nice new soft bed for my nice new house so the next time there's liberating to be done I won't be so achey.

Not a chance. Liberation is hard work. It leaves bruises.

yummy soft yummy bed to be delivered to the new house next week. yum


By the time I got home I was done.
Fuck packing. I'm tired. I'll pack another day.
Drank a beer and took a shower. My hands stung from the scratches. Guess it was my Purple Heart.
Made up my makeshift bed on the living room floor.
Drank another beer and ate leftover chinese and watched Season 2 of Lost.


I woke up Sunday morning in a quiet house feeling safe and calm and yummy and
a little liberated.


  1. If we all took the problems of the world and used the way we feel about them to deal with the problems in our backyards, it would be a better world.
    That's my philosophy.
    I am so glad you're getting a new bed.
    I love you, Michelle.

  2. I have a nasty vine in my garden, I take its existence and persistence personally and fight the fucker all summer as it tries to weasel its way toward my pretty flowers.

    I asked for kidless night for my birthday this year... better fucking happen.

  3. Oooo, that is a good birthday request. Doubt it will happen at my house either. :(

    I'm so behind on my reading. I didn't realize you were moving!?!? Last time I moved, we hired movers. Best $700 I'd ever spent!

  4. I imagine those lilacs to have been all the world's tribulations and you the hero who helped to end them.

  5. So glad you liberated those lilacs. Kinda sad you read such awfulness on your free weekend. There is always something awful happening in the world, what's a person to do? I think you did it, but next time wear some gloves and long sleeves! Hate to think of you battle scarred. Glad you got a new bed. A little good sleep goes a really long way. And the packing - I'm the queen of procrastination. I would still be thinking about getting some boxes maybe.

  6. Thank you!

    So, today "they" [see below if you care] captured Gbagbo in Cote d'Ivoire, hopefully making a more peaceful world. We here in Liberia breathed a huge sigh of relief. Lots of "Thank God!"s and cries of celebration. We suffer the aftereffects of a horrible war here, like living in New Orleans we all suffer the effects of Katrina. Honestly I've been figuring out what I would take with me if I were forcibly evacuated.

    That's the good news, and now that I know about all the energy you sent, I have absolutely no doubt that you and Ganesh made it happen. So, huge thanks.

    The not as great news is that the new guy, the democratically elected president, is no saint. He had a hand in some atrocities. Heck, Bush was a product of a democratic election. Twice. I'm not proud. But I still fight for democracy and rule of law every damn day.

    I believe that being informed of what's going on in the world is an important part of being a responsible global citizen. I don't expect you to personally swoop in and arrest the tyrant Gbagbo, but your energies can only be a good thing. People were suffering, and things were going to get REALLY worse.

    My roommate is a journalist and she's spent the past week interviewing former Liberian soldiers/mercenaries who went to Cote d'Ivoire to wreak some havoc. Havoc was wreaked. Badly. One guy, he remembered how many women he raped but couldn't remember how many he murdered. The roommate's been jumpy and on edge since. It's hard sharing air space with evil. But I appreciate her courage, to get stories out.

    ["they" are allegedly pro-Outtara forces, but we have no doubt it was really French special forces who swooped in when Gbagbo pissed them off by bombing their embassy. He was counting on anti-colonial sentiment to fuel his cling to power, but he misjudged.]

  7. Here's her story: http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Africa/2011/0410/Liberian-mercenaries-detail-their-rampages-in-western-Ivory-Coast

  8. I read half way through that article. Ack.

    I'm glad you had some time to yourself - you were so very productive. And a new bed? Yum.


  9. I'm with Ms. Moon, as usual.

    Enjoy the new bed! I'd come over and help you pack if we lived closer. I really would. I'd even bring a jumbo bottle of wine.

    I love you mucho.

  10. hooray for the lilacs, and for michelle their liberator. i'd have a beer with you in front of season 2 of Lost. perfect.

  11. I cannot BELIEVE it's taken me this long to catch up. I started a blog for my beloved Guana Reserve (which you probably know as well as I do, from all the damn pictures I post) and that's taken all my energy (well, along with work, but I don't talk about that here). I've been thinking of you and and sending light and love, and hoping you're well and that your flashlight is on so you can find your way through the maze. I MISS you. Lots of love,

  12. Your writing is a marvel.

    Have you read Little Bee? There's another book that will fuck you up good. But your backyard will be gorgeous.

  13. Transference in the garden is the best kind. I'm sure that vine really got it.

  14. AH man, I laugh/cried at your closing statement. I have. so. been. there. Thank you for liberating my soul a little bit. :)

  15. I agree with MWA. And glad for your liberation.

  16. You astound me. I love your writing and your living. Yay for you and the lilacs, transferance can be a beautiful thing.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.