"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Sunday, December 11, 2011

try try again

Do you know how many posts I've started today?

Three. Maybe four.

And they've all sucked. I've been trying to write just for the sake of writing.
It's not working so well for me. Maybe because I'm not a writer, I'm a storyteller.


So Let's Tell A Story.

Once Upon A Time there was a Woman-Girl named Michelle.
Towards the end of the first half century in her current body, when she found herself more Woman than Girl, she swore that she wanted to be ALONE.

Even when her Best Woman-Girlfriends said you want someone who is fully available to you you want someone to sit on the couch and watch movies and eat popcorn with your kids you deserve BETTER, she said

I. Do. Not.

Not that the Woman-Girl Michelle believed she didn't DESERVE better, she just didn't believe she wanted...


Why would she want some Man hanging out with her kids? That just sounded really complicated and tiring. Why would she want someone around all the time? Michelle was used to flying solo. Michelle did not want to share. Michelle did not want to compromise. Michelle did not want to consider or even think about someone else. Michelle did not want her life to be any more stressful than it already was.

Michelle just wanted to do her thing her own way and maybe have a little... umm... distraction... once or twice a week.

Hence her search on Match.com for The Male Equivalent to a Calgon Bath.

Well. After her Close Encounter With The Schizophrenic who was very nice and very smart but also very complicated, she almost gave up. And just when she was very easily resigning herself to her Solo Life, she got a wink. From a very smart, very funny, very talented, and super sweet Man.

His name was Calgon Jon. He took her on The Sweetest First Date Ever.

Very quickly, Calgon Jon was around way more than once or twice a week. He was kind of around all the time. He made yummy omelettes and told stories about growing up in Alaska. He was quiet and easy to be around. He let Mia read to him and was a super computer geek AND a musician and taught Ty all kinds of cool computer things. He knew about current events and could toss an f*bomb to rival Jack. And he was goofy and quirky and made Michelle laugh. And they all got junked out on Glee together.

It was so easy.

Calgon Jon said Michelle was beautiful even when her mustache was heavier than his.
Calgon Jon smoked a pipe and smelled really good.
Calgon Jon had a Magic Tongue.

WHAT??? there has to be a Magic something in a story. Right???

Until the weekend when his Job took him away. His Job had been a perk as far as Michelle was concerned. Sometimes he had to wake up at 5am. Sometimes he worked weird hours on weekends. Sometimes he had a random day off that coincided with Michelle's day off and that was just a goddamn treat. Michelle was very comfortable with the unpredictable hours. It made her feel safe. Because, you know, Michelle didn't want to get too used to someone being around all the time.

That's not how Michelle functions. Michelle is not good at depending on people.

So Calgon Jon was AWAY. And regular life happened on a regular Saturday and a regular Sunday and the Woman-Girl Michelle realized it was easier when Calgon Jon was around. Sure it was nice for someone else to make breakfast or entertain the kids. But Calgon Jon had some Magic Mojo along with his Magic Tongue. Calgon Jon's Magic Mojo made The Sanctuary a more peaceful place to be.

And life on this weekend without Calgon Jon was making Michelle the Woman-Girl sad and angry and lonely. She told the kids it was her goddamn ovaries. And that was not a lie. But it was also over-scheduling and unfolded laundry and being an "ex" and...


By Sunday Michelle was On the Verge of Tears.
Angry tears. Sad tears. Tired tears.
Progesterone tears god i hate progesterone tears

And then, Calgon Jon came home.

And all the Life Shit was still there, but now Michelle the Woman-Girl could breathe and smile. Because Calgon Jon was Home.

Fuck you Match.


  1. Yay! I'm so happy to see you and so happy to see that things are going so well! Yay!!

    And you know I'm from Alaska, right? Grew up there. So if I know this man, that would be just so awesome!

  2. Look at Mia and her beauty. Look at your beautiful home. Listen to that story.
    God. I hope he's all that and everything else
    I am SO glad to hear your voice.
    Been waitin' for you. I think I've been dreaming about you. As always...Mary

  3. I went on a run today, and I was thinking about "gathering"...
    yeah. gathering.
    At first it began with the whole "where one or two are gathered in my name"...ya know. God.
    And I thought about the friends I have made here...and how I am so much happier when I feel like I am gathering, rather than my usual self, that is scattering.
    Then I started thinking about how things just look better when there is more than one.
    Ya know...like the displays at Anthropologie. Put out one blue latte bowl, and it looks stupid. But stack about 20 bowls, and suddenly, you HAVE to buy that damn latte bowl.
    One bowl looks lonely. ANd who wants a lonely bowl?
    Things just are prettier when they are not alone.

    and you are looking BEAUTIFUL today :-)

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. sorry..I posted my comment twice. And so I deleted it.
    And there goes my theory on more than one...
    because posting the same comment twice just makes me look drunk.
    Which I sort of am.

  6. I knew when you commented the other day to look for a new post (because I have a very short reading list these days.)

    Yay for Calgon Jon. I can SO relate to this. I have had my version of Calgon Jon for the past 14ish years, and it's working out fine. I get my alone time, and he's often around to pick up the pieces (except when he's not.) He specializes in sitting on the couch, watching movies and eating popcorn w/ the kid. Very safe and calm for the boy.

    Mia looks well. Yay.

    happy happy xoxoxox. have missed you!

  7. Missed your voice, glad you're back. Mia looks lovely and happy. You sound lovely and happy. Merry Merry!

  8. I'm so glad to see your post, and to know it's ok to believe in a little magic. I couldn't be happier for you, you deserve a little bit of perfect in your life. Don't be a stranger!
    Mia is a beautiful angel, love the picture.

    And I get what you mean about the commute. I haven't had time to think for decades!


  9. It is SO GOOD to see you again Woman-Girl.

  10. What a great story! I met my husband on Match back in 2008. We got married one year on the anniversary of our first date. Now we are buying a house together. Like you, I had thought that being single might not be so bad. I certainly had my share of psycho-hose bag dates (most memorable was one in which my date proceeded to whip out his wallet and show me a picture of his dead twin brother in a casket)

    But when true love walks in the door, it's impossible to shut it :)

  11. Somehow I missed this post. I came here because I was thinking about you and your family. Merry Christmas.

  12. I'm excited about Calgon Jon. Who wouldn't be?

  13. yay for you and calgon jon!!! you crack me up. i love the way you tell a story... it's mesmerizing, and im glad you're happy :)

  14. Saw you over at Mary's, wanted to say hi, how are you, how's the kids, and miss you. Hope all is well.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.