OK. Question of the Day
Why is it that we/I need to do it all?
I know y'all have asked yourself this question before.
Why do we feel like we have to be totally self sufficient super women?
not ask for help
have everything perfect
be that Enjoli Woman you have to be at least 40 to know about enjoli
I'm having a moment.
I'm having a minute of a moment.
I work full time. Really hard
I take care of our kids.
And the house.
And the pets kind of
And I try to take care of myself.
Something's gotta give
It's so much better now that I have my awesome functioning loving healthy husband back.
A husband who cooks really good food on the weekends
A husband who has ALWAYS changed diapers not that there are diapers to be changed anymore but you know what I mean
A husband who would do ANYTHING for me.
But a husband who works really hard too, and is away from home 70 hours a week
OK. It is what it is. So this is my point
I scramble every week to get everything done on my "time off"
I try to keep the house clean
I try to cook a good dinner that my kids will eat
I try to keep up with the laundry and bills
I try to go to yoga twice a week
I try to spend time in blogland which always draws me away from all those other trials.
Blogging shares the Blue Ribbon with Prozac in the What Keeps Michelle the Most Sane competition.
But every week I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Mainly because house cleaning is way at the bottom of my list of priorities. But seeing yuck and dirt and baskets of cleandirty laundry every where puts me over the edge. Not to mention the drifts of pet hair that accumulate despite sweeping and dustbusting three times a day.
I'm that fucking hamster goddammit
So. I took the plunge. I called the most Awesome Cleaning Lady in the county to resume her twice a month magic here.
So why am I so ambivalent? Why do I feel guilty? Like a failure?
Why does the voice in my head say if you can't keep the house clean, you have no business going to yoga or sitting at the computer or sitting on your ass.
Last year when the shit was hitting the fan, I let Awesome Cleaning Lady go cause I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pay our mortgage. Having someone come clean my house has always been the epitome of self indulgence. I couldn't afford to be self indulgent anymore.
But things are different now. I increased my hours, got a big fat raise, and Bruce is back doing his thing.
So why do I feel like it's a cop out to have someone come and clean my bathrooms and floors twice a month?
Is it the money? The thought that it could be put to better use elsewhere?
Is it the idea that I SHOULD be able to do it all myself and if I CAN'T, well then, I must suck?
What is it?
God knows I'm not a high maintenance kinda girl. No mani-pedis. Back to dreadlocks cause I just can't be bothered with the hair thing. I'd wear Goodwill sweat pants to work if I could get away with it.
But I'm not willing to give up yoga, blogging, or gardening once the weather gets nice. I keep thinking I'd like to start drawing again. If I let someone else clean my house, I could do more of the things that might keep me healthy and happy for my family. And myself. But why is it so hard to just do this one thing that would make everything else so much easier?
Do I sound like a whiny spoiled girl? It's ok to kick my ass and tell me to get over it.
And why is it that only those of us with girlie parts are like this?
Is it a recessive x-linked trait?
Is it cultural?
Why do I expect to be able to do it all?
Why do we expect to be able to do it all?
Did women's lib shoot us in the foot?