"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Friday, April 9, 2010

Friday Fragments


Haven't fragged in a while. It's good to be back. Thanks Mrs 4444s




*****

It's suddenly hot here and the sun is making me drunk. I'm in it for a minute, and I start to nod. And my words come out all scrambled. And I can't think straight.

I love it.

But I haven't gotten anything done.

I sit in the sun, and pretend to work on my re-certification exam. I read a few articles, answer a few questions, and fall asleep. In the sun.

Not so bad. Not so bad atall

*****

When Bruce and I were first dating, we would spend our entire weekend lying in the sun in Prospect Park. Armed with coffee and sweet stuff from Connecticut Muffin on 7th Ave, we would spread a blanket and lie lay lye lei in the sun for hours. We would talk and snooze and talk and snuggle and talk some more. We talked politics. We talked about our pasts. We talked about our dreams. But mostly, we talked about our future. We would get sloppy sun drunk and stumble home and Bruce would cook a yummy dinner and we'd drink red wine and fall asleep watching a movie.

Last weekend, by some miracle, we were kidless for a few hours. And the sun was hot and bright. And we hung our in it and got sun drunk. Sloppy sun drunk. And talked about the future.

M: I get so bloated with my period now. That never used to happen. What the fuck? I'm ready for menopause.
B: Maybe it's a sign. Do you think menopause is starting for you?
M: Who the fuck knows? No one will talk about it and I'm sure as hell not buying one of those stupid fucking books. Jesus, I have a degree and in school they didn't even talk about what happens as we get older. No one told me my eyesight would go to hell after 40. No one told me my periods would get shorter and lighter after 40. How the fuck do I know about menopause. No one really talks about it.
B: What about Grumsie my mom didn't she ever talk about it?
M: Seriously Bruce? Come on now... all I know from her is about draginal vyness.
B: Draginal vyness? Is that what you said? Am I supposed to know what that is?
he's thinking it's some fancy medical term
M: Yeah. That's what I said. But I meant vaginal dryness. You know about that...
B: I sure do Chica

*****

Right. So I'm well past 40 and I can't see for shit. I squint down the hall at people I've worked with for 13 years cause I can't quite make out who they are.

Pathetic

So I decided it's time for glasses. My opthalmologist has been telling me for 2 years that my eyes are fine and I'm just getting old. But I can't see. He shrugs his shoulders. It'll get worse.
Seriously? That's all you have for me? I send you half a dozen new patients a day and all you can do is tell me I'm old and my eyes are gonna get worse?

Harumph

Next stop Walmart. Cheap glasses for cheap people. I picked out a cute pair of frames that all 3 kids gave the thumbs up. Astounding. Jack said I look like a sexy librarian.
Randy Jackson Mens Frames. DAWG
The cute helpful and very professional tech fitted me and said they look good on you. Not many people could pull it off.

Progressive bifocals. Good times

*****


Monday I went back to work I fell asleep on my lunch break. WTF? By mid afternoon, my throat was sore. Double WTF? I had been home with the kids for 10 days. No cooties from work. The kids were fine. How the hell could I have gotten sick? By Wednesday my tonsils looked like bloody marshmallows. Owwwie. Then I realized cute specs weren't the only thing I picked up at Walmart. I put my face in the otoscope eye exam thing that half of Dutchess County have put their faces on. YUCK. And you know they don't disinfect between exams at Walmart. The last thing I am is a germaphobe. I sit on public toilet seats and rarely wash my hands when I leave public restrooms. I frequently claim the immune system of a cockroach. You've never seen cockroaches in a Walmart, have you? My throat was so bad I actually started antibiotics. I haven't taken antibiotics in YEARS. I feel better now.

*****
So between being sun drunk and being Walmart infected, I haven't been commenting as much as I'd like this week. I'm sorry, bloggy friends. But I have been visiting you all and reading. And the new specs make it extra enjoyable.

Have a great Friday!

24 comments:

  1. My kids have been getting sloppy sun drunk... wicked fun.

    You do look cute in those glasses... I've been in glasses since I was 10, I love my big clunky dorky frames.

    Draginal Vryness... tee hee.

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  2. Ah.....spring and Walmart. What could be better?
    (The glasses DO look great on you!)
    Lindsey Petersen

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  3. I want to get sun drunk! I hear rumours that the sun will return here soon, I need a fix.
    So sorry to hear about your eyes, as I approached the big M my prescription changed a lot. I'm most shocked by my inability to see things close up, and hate holding a book so far away to read. I won't tell you all the other stuff about the big M, because it's not pretty. Just be glad you are getting the lighter periods instead of the extreme gushing version, which was just awful.

    You look adorable in your new frames. My kids are teens now, so when I asked my son if he liked the frames I was picking, he said I don't know. Are you going to wear them in public? It made me laugh and I knew these were the ones!

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  4. Vaginal dryness is the ONLY menopausal symptom I don't have. And symptom is not the right word. Symptoms come and go. Hot flashes and crazy-thoughts and body-rushes and pee-urges and all that stuff that my friend Billy says they shouldn't talk about on TeeVee have been with me for a decade. At least.
    I love your glasses.

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  5. Ok first time here. I started reading and you were all sweet talking about being sun drunk (wheras I prefer the liquor drunk) and lovin with your man. So sweet.

    Then we get to the "fucks" and "vaginal dryness' (with no worry about google searches) and "menopause" and I decided I'm home.

    I heart you. You shall now and forever be in my Google Reader.

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  6. Uggh, glasses. Yours are cute, but 10 years full-time in front of a computer is doing me in. I need new ones.

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  7. I love your glasses. I can wait for menopause but if all my grey hair is any indication, I may be on the fast track.

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  8. You look so frickin cute in those glasses I can barely stand it.

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  9. cute in the glasses!
    love your writing as alway. you've got the best dialogs, stories, rememberings.
    so fun to read.
    like getting sun drunk.
    shine on michelle.
    love love love your header!

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  10. I love the specs -- and that Walmart story makes me ill just thinking about it. I'm not even a germaphobe, either. Get better soon!

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  11. Then I realized cute specs weren't the only thing I picked up at Walmart................That line made me laugh so hard. Love it!

    The glasses look great. You should blog about menopause because how else will the world learn about it? (along with anyone else who blogs and is going through menopause)

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  12. Why does my 19 month old have glasses (possibly bifocals) but your dr. couldn't cough up a prescription?

    You look adorable.

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  13. OH MY DOG - If Mommy only knew you blog about her dragina...

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  14. I like the glasses but I SWEAR, is Idaho the only place where it isn't WARM yet? It hit 44 degrees today, the sun is beautiful but the wind is fucking COLD-35 MPH as we speak-and we don't even had little tiny buds on the trees yet. No WONDER I am so messed up right now, really.

    But this just reinforces my belief that Wal-Mart is the Devil, thinly disguised.

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  15. How cute are you? Sorry you are sickly. And sorry about the menopausal stuff (it sucks). Been wearing my progressives for a year and love them...
    Good luck w/ getting well. xo

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  16. Oh, you beautiful person: you are stunning in those glasses. I passed through the part of being 40 (37!) when they told me I needed the progessive lenses. They worked for a few years (I've been near-sighted since I was in grade school and so have always worn glasses) until the far-sighted part of my vision started to change really quickly, to the tune of new glasses more than once a year. I decided to punt. I keep pretty much up to date with my distance glasses (Rx, and only one of those) and use the drug store ones you can get for $10 and keep them everywhere so I can read. It's annoying, but as Pop used to say when he pretty well knew he had Alzheimer's, "Old age is not for the faint of heart", and as you point out, we HAVE to help each other through it. Write about it (and I'm not just talking to Michelle, people!) and let's talk about it. How else will we know what to expect?
    Love you, Michelle, dear. Thank you for your unflinching courage. And those wonderful glasses.
    Love, love.

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  17. you look so freaking adorable in those glasses.
    xo

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  18. Cute glasses!!!

    I love the sun...

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  19. I love the glasses! Get well soon, don't let the swine come and visit and stay. I did because I didn't know any better and it is truly a pig.
    Menopause is not for sissies. I have forgotten many things in my life by now but that...it teaches you that you can kill with your thoughts.

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  20. OMG!!! Your new glasses look like my new glasses. Seriously, they are pretty much exactly the same. Mine are not bifocals. I'd show you a picture, but they don't look good over a paper bag.

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  21. You still look COOL, even in glasses. Loved this post. My eyesight is for shit, too, but it started happening in middle school.

    I don't like getting older (just turned 44 on Saturday). It sucks ass.

    Love you, Michelle.

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  22. LOL! I'm 43 (44 on the 25th of this month), so I feel ya. I hate getting older! Loved your fragments, though. You're a hoot...

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  23. Very cute glasses! I love getting sun drunk. Did it on Saturday and it's still making me happy.

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  24. I'm laughing my ass off over here! I just got my first eye exam 2 weeks ago...at age 45 and you're right about the eyesight going after 40. I got the sticker shock when I browsed around Pearl Vision. Almost $400 for a pair of ugly plastic designer frames. I'll be going to Walmart for my usual pack of stylish frames (3 pair for $7.98). Recently I seriously started freaking out thinking I might be pregnant because my period was so overdue and then my husband reminded me of his vasectomy 20 years ago and the fact that I've been going through early menopause for at least the past year. Silly me :))

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so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.