"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Woman of Faith, Woman of Reason

It's a rainy spring Sunday and I'm holding services at the Beacon Satellite Chapel of the Church of the Batshit Crazy

Today I'm looking through the swiss cheese holes of my mad cow brain at the question why?
As in why the fuck are we here?
I know. It's the Age Old Question.
But right now I'm in that place that begs desperately to believe there is a reason goddammit.
I don't need to know what the reason is.
I just need to know that the struggle and heartache is not for nothin as jordana would say

I need to believe that what we do means something.
That the good deeds good energy good will truly makes things better.

Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

Sometimes I can't help but think there is a plan. A purpose. Destiny.

That's why I love LOST
there are no coincidences

That's why I love OWEN MEANY
we all have a purpose

So when every damn baby that I examine reaches for my ganesh necklace I choose to see meaning behind it.
And when the guy at the convenience store nods his head at me reaches into his shirt pulls out his ganesh and says
my mother gave me this when I came to the states I choose to see meaning there.
And when the pharmacist hands me my prozac refill and says what's that? And points to my chest what? do I have a rash? and I realize he's pointing to ganesh I want to say hindu god remover of obstacles removed my stubbornness arrogance resignation and gave me the green light on this here light blue pill.

And the light blue pill has removed the obstacles to a life of joy and hope and laughter. Thank you Ganesha

I remember Sister Adrienne saying to me, long before I even knew what a blog was, that we could find and communicate with people
all over the planet. And there was a huge amount of power to be harnessed. And with that power we could change the world.

Change the world? What the fuck is she talking about?
But I'm starting to believe it now. Just a little bit.

And Yogini Shannon talks about things
coming together and there's some really amazing stuff happening
and I say all these things are just coming up all of a sudden and it has never happened before and it's a little bit creepy
and she says maybe you just weren't ready then, but now you are

Well jesus mary and ganesh I'm not sure that I'm ready at all.

If you save one life you save all of human kind or something like that


Can you dig it?



  1. Amen, sister.
    (I love Owen too)
    I needed to read this today. Thank you.

  2. your sister adrienne finds it far less creepy when all these things come up, than when all these things don't come up.

    most of the time she thinks she is living in the reality show to beat all reality shows. it's a cross between the truman show and stepford wives.

    wasn't it good when truman started noticing the man behind the curtain?

    woman of faith and reason

    p.s. linkplease

  3. You have read my mind with stunning clarity regarding well, everything.

  4. And yes, I did notice that your title was a Lost reference. Love it.

  5. I think we are all trying to save our own lives. Whether that has meaning or not for others is not the point.
    But I am a selfish woman, compelled to write and share.
    What if there is no meaning? What if the meaning is just what it is? We find each other? And there is the miracle?
    I do not know, sweet Michelle. I only know that I don't believe in "magic" magic. I only believe in what is. Which is magic enough for me.

  6. Make a positive difference..........try to do good. The Dali Lama said something like 'We all live in a very small world and if we can't help those around us, at least try your best not to hurt them'

  7. Last night I soaked in a hot bath and tried not to think, but all I could think about is what pill will make me stop thinking so much, and that the luxury of so much time to think and learn and think some more is a blessing and a curse. I can't imagine the proximity to pain you witness working in the medical profession, I only know that daily life itself puts me too close to too many people in pain, or witness to so much suffering in the world that I can't find the sense in anything. It is overwhelming.
    I just watched a video about the Hubble Deep Space Images, and the guy said that it has taken human kind 99.9 percent of it's existence just to begin to understand where we are and what the universe is. But we should be excited because it is so amazing. So I don't feel completely overwhelmed that little old me can't figure it out. I would love to believe - need to believe - that the world is changing for the better, but I'm not ready yet, I guess. That you think these things outloud makes you a very special person, that I do believe. That you love Owen Meany makes you even more special, at least to me.
    For some reason I heard Forrest Gump in my head, what's my destiny, Mama? Guess we all have to find that out for ourselves.

  8. I've always loved the Bible verses in Ecclesiastes -- the ones that talk about "there's nothing new under the sun" and "all is vanity," etc. I find them strangely comforting in the same way that when I look at the universe itself and consider my own self within it, a speck, really, I am comforted. I'm not sure about meaning and randomness but I do believe in signs and the randomness of fate.

  9. I so dig it.

    Owen taught me about coincidence, as in it isn't real. Connections are real. Finding meaning in them is important.

    I truly enjoy the act of seeking meaning in everything that blows past me.

  10. I don't know about anything much anymore. I named my child after Owen Meany, though, so that's something. Coincidence, or faith, or whatever? It is there, too many things have happened in my life to discount that, but-I don't know if it changes anything, ever.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

    And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

    And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then you shall truly dance….

    For what is it to die, but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun….

    And what is it to cease breathing,
    but to free the breath, from its restless tides,
    that it may rise,
    and expand,
    and seek God

    ~~ Kahlil Gibran ~~

  13. I really like this post. I love Owen Meany, too, especially the grandmother.

  14. I dig it. I feel it too.
    Not so much changing the world yet, on my end, but at least starting to change myself. I love this post, your writing, your mind wanderings, and spirit. Gave me goose bumps.

  15. And I'm a big Owen Meany fan too.

  16. "Beacon Satellite Chapel of the Church of the Batshit Crazy" - you wouldn't happen to have a nunnery there, would you?

    I want to join 'cause I totally dig it. And you're so right, there's absolutely no such thing as a coincidence.

  17. I talked to Kim, and I do believe that's all I have to say about it.
    Love you!


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.