"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Fuck You Friday: Summer Fail

I'm so fucking tired.

I have made an effort to curb the potty mouth this week.
I promised myself no more gratuitous *f bombs*.
I made a No More Cursing pact with the kids.

fucking epic fail


Ty and Mia have spent the last 3 weeks at day camp. Which seems like it would be a good thing.
And it is a good thing. They love it. But I'm fucking exhausted. It's worse than school.
At least Sep-June I can write a monthly check and send them off to eat a lunch of government subsidized beefwheatandairy.
And I can shove them out the door and they'll be at school in 90 seconds.

Day camp? Not so much. I've had 15 days of rolling out of bed late, slapping together turkey n cheese sandwiches, a half hour drive to camp, and lots of cursing. Then a half hour drive back home. Which becomes an hour drive because for reasons I have yet to understand, July is
the perfect time to repave all the major roads between camp and home.
More cursing.

And then I have to pick them up. At rush hour. Mucho *f bombs*.
Mia busts me every time I let one loose.

Mia is at art camp. They do awesome projects and the counselors are great.
But this camp has a reputation. It's fancy.
Which means it attracts the kind of people I just want to punch in the head.
When Volvos and BMWs and Escalades are being all... entitled....
I wanna get my ghetto on and bring them down to my beat up minivan level.

But I can't. Because camp is around the corner from work.
And with my luck, I'll go ghetto on some lady at 4:30, and then see her kid for an earache a few hours later.

So I have to behave. And not curse in the parking lot.
It's not easy some days.


And speaking of my beat up minivan...

As I've said before, I don't take care of my house or my car. I run both into the ground. Which is fine for a car, but not so good for a house.

Our house is relatively clean. Not eat off the floor clean, but pretty clean considering who lives here.
It's relatively clean mostly due to the most awesome cleaning lady and most awesome babysitter.
I just sweep a lot.

Our minivan is a pigsty. Mainly cause I won't pay anyone to clean it.

So today's game is Guess Which Item Is NOT In Michelle's Minivan.
The winner gets a big wet smooch.

1. A pink guitar
2. A plate of half eaten waffles.
3. A leopard print raincoat
4. A half drunk Dunkin Donuts iced mocha latte
5. A pair of funeral shoes
6. An empty pure maple syrup bottle shaped like a cello
7. A wad of gauze used after a tooth extraction
8. A dozen empty water/iced tea/soda bottles
9. A pair of snow boots.
10. A purple yoga mat


Speaking of yoga, I haven't done it in a month. I started feeling really achey two weeks ago.

Now I'm just fucking insane in my head. A little anxiety. A little depression.
Nothing too serious, but just enough to be a goddam pain in my fucking ass.
I go through my day feeling like I've had too much coffee.
And, like I said yesterday, I'm having weird dreams.

This morning it occurred to me that at the same time last year, and the year before, I was mentally circling the drain as well.

Two Julys ago, it was a deep dark funk that swooped in and took me down quick.
But it was short lived and relieved by knitting.

Last July it started as anxiety and progressed to I wanna stay in bed depression that went on for a month and resolve after a few weeks of my little blue pill.
I thank my lucky stars for that damn pill, cuz otherwise I might be way in the depths right now.

And since I spend almost every waking minute analyzing the shit in my head, I thought
why now? Why this time of year? It's summer. It's hot. There's lots of light. WTF?

What's different?
I still ignore my kids. I still ignore my house and my car. I still take my pill. I still go to work.
The only thing different is no yoga.

no yoga

Could my July instability and superfunk be due to LACK OF YOGA?


I mean jeez. I know what they say. But seriously?
Does yoga or lack thereof affect my mental health this significantly?
Does 2 classes a week keep my head screwed on straight?

You all are probably, like, duh Michelle. Ummm... hello?!?

Well. I'm a little slow sometimes.
It's back to yoga starting Saturday. I'll let you know next week if I'm better.

And let me know which item you think is NOT in my van.


  1. "But it was short lived and relieved by knitting."
    Funniest thing in the whole post! Why? I don't know! I'm a little off myself! Bwahhhhhahahahaaaaa...

    All of those things are perfectly acceptable to cart around. I started to say yoga mat, then guitar, then back to mat.... so I guess snow boots!!!

  2. uhhhhh...maple syrup bottle??? is the big wet smooch from mia or dusty?

    p.s. i'd like to see you get ghetto. just once. i double dog dare you to pull off the italian accent.

  3. The raincoat... although all are plausible. Hope yoga helps you get back to normal.

  4. I think they are ALL in your van. Well, it seems reasonable to me.
    I haven't been doing yoga either. Many reasons why. Blah, blah, blah.
    I did a tiny bit this morning by myself in the motel room and it was nice.
    Let us know how that goes.

  5. I'm having the same yoga conversation with myself and I know the answer.

    I'll say the half drunk latte isn't there cause you drunk it.

  6. I find knitting to be anxiety reducing.

    I say there's no boots in your minivan.

    Don't beat yourself up so much for the swearing. It makes you you.

    Also, I flipped off my son the other day.


  7. I'm going with the snow boots. Don't know why.

    Hope you get to feeling better with the yoga added back in the routine. I hate exercise and barely move my fat ass and yes, I'm usually depressed. Wonder why?

    Love you.

  8. Same thing with me and yoga. Why oh why do I stop? And it's all in your van, I think. Maybe there's no maple syrup bottle?

  9. A raincoat would help someone stay neat and dry, which, as per your description is not part of your car so I go with 3. A leopard print raincoat

  10. I'm guessing the bloody gauze. At least, I hope that's the correct answer. My van is quite...um...lived in too. Mr. OCD cleans it out regularly, but it just ends up filled with random fries and goldfish in less than 30 minutes. I don't give a shit. It's not like anyone can see it but us.

  11. I'm thinking the yoga mat, since you haven't been going. Better put it back in the car.

  12. yoga mat here.

    i think the yoga could be it. when i was disciplined and did it four days a week it was amazing, the difference in my anxiety.

  13. I vote for the iced mocha latte....only because it's been hot, so it can't possibly be iced anymore.

    I'm just getting back into yoga too & loving it. Lost my studio in the divorce, but thanks to summer I have my own hot studio in my living room. Hittin' the mat now . . .

  14. i love your van list.
    my aunt keeps telling me yoga will change my life.
    sounds like it changes yours.
    glad you're getting back.
    crazy is no fun.

  15. Oh, good. I'm glad you figured it out. I hope you went to yoga and that you continue! :)


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.