"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Class Trips

Defiant. Inattentive Hyperactive. Oppositional. Hyperactive this bears repeating
The professional in me automatically assessed and diagnosed most of the kids in the group.

The mom in me came up with a completely different assessment

Obnoxious. Rude. Ill mannered. Disrespectful.
dammit I wanna ring all their necks and give them all spankings

And my kid was first in line for that... ummm...

I HATE chaperoning class trips. Seriously. But I do it cause it's important to my kids. My mom NEVER chaperoned. And I took it personally. I remember the envy I felt seeing someone else's mom chaperoning a field trip. I remember feeling like there was a big neon sign over my head. A sign with an arrow

her mother doesn't love her

So I go on the class trips whenever I can. And my kids appreciate it. Their faces light up when they round the corner and see me standing there with my visitor badge stuck to my hoodie. Even their friends get excited. hi mia's mom hi ty's mom

2 weeks ago, we went to the Dia

shoot me

I HATE this kind of art. It makes no sense to me and it made no sense to the kids. I mean it's cool that this museum is right in our town and the 2nd grade class just walked down the hill and tada Warhols and.... whatever...I don't know any of the other artists.

I do know that we looked at strings strung from floor to ceiling, holes dug in the ground, and white canvasses. Painted white.

did I say how much I hate this shit? I mean art?

Mia says mommy i don't get it. it's a pile of broken glass
tell me about it
The tour lady is talking to the 8 year olds about value and depth and subtleties of beige on beige.

are you fucking kidding me???

And the Dia staff, dressed in black, tracks our every movement with eagle eyes and transmits our activity via walkie talkie
watch the kid in the yellow t shirt-he gets too close to the work
they're approaching the stairs
they're exiting the building

honestly. like they're secret service or something

while we strolled through the room full of crushed soda cans, a friend who shall remain nameless but actually was once upon a time a Dia Secret Service Agent too happened to send me a text referring to the fact that she was up in stirrups having her tilted uterus examined

I replied I'd take a metal speculum over the Dia any day of the week

seriously. I would

The activity planned for the kids was pretty cool. I guess. But I didn't really get it.
As far as the kids were concerned, they liked it cause it gave them a chance to walk in circles and get dizzy.


Today's field trip was out in nature. We explored water habitats. It's a beautiful spot, also right in our town. We are very lucky to have such diversity in this goofy little city.

One kid pulls something out of the garbage can and can't understand why he can't keep it.
The teacher smiles at me and says poor things. they're so confused. one minute they're at the Dia looking at artwork made from found objects and then they don't understand why they can't keep the trash they find on the playground.
Let me remind you this is the school playground. Where rubber trees grow. In abundance.

Sorry. I digress

Well. The kids were just bad today. They must be bad cause they CAN'T all be diagnosable. right?
You'd think being out in nature and checking out bugs and waterfalls and beaver dams would keep their attention.

dammit if this kid falls in I'm gonna be pissed

Where were we?
Oh, right. The fresh air and space just made them all wacko. Crazed. Out of control.

They ignored the teacher. They ignored the habitat bug lady. They ignored the other chaperones.

They ignored me.



So I got mean. I didn't boil any beavers but I might now be thought of as the meanest mom in the class.
That's OK. Whatever works.

I've never been so glad to get on a school bus in my life.


  1. I don't get that shit either.

    Boiling Beavers? Hehehehe...

    I hope to NEVER chaperone a school trip. Fingers crossed people. Fingers crossed.

  2. Oh yes. This is why I'm not super happy when we get a grant to go on field trips.
    You are a rockstar mom, though. :-)

  3. God. I did so many field trips. And you know what? I am so glad I don't have to do any more.

  4. Oh Gosh Michelle, sounds like a rough day.
    I love how you described that moment when your kids spy you at their school. This is magical. I'm so sorry you missed out on that and so glad you give it to your kids now. Though it does sound quite hellish!
    You made me laugh about the art.
    I don't get it either.

  5. LMAO, did I tell you about our trip to the Guggenheim a few years ago? Walking in upward spirals looking at piles of hard candy, millions of dead flies epoxied to a canvas, a plywood board leaning against a wall . . . yeah, we paid to get in.

    So we walk into an empty room. It's all white. We're looking at it, wondering if it's an empty room or an exhibit.

    Alek (during his long hair/huge pants/army jacket phase) sat down cross-legged in the middle of the room & stared at the wall.

    Within about 15 minutes a crowd of over 20 people had gathered & began discussing how profound the live art was.

    Glad you chaperoned. It's important. Sorry it sucked.

  6. Ha, I too am the meanest mom on any given field trip. I can't stand how kids act today - no respect! The bus ride alone makes me batty, it's chaos. I was overjoyed to not get picked for an hour ride to the Field Museum today, my daughter was sad, but I almost did a happy dance when I found out I didn't have to go!
    And modern art for kids?? I'm just beginning to get some of it and I'm ancient. There would be so many better places to take them I think.
    You are a good mom for going, and for yelling at the naughty kids.

  7. Oh, my god. This made me laugh. I HATE field trips with all my small, mean heart. I hate doing art with children, too -- and I bet you don't which would make me meaner than you. When my boys were in preschool, there was this volunteer obligation where you had to be what was called Patio Mom and you had to do some sort of art project with the kids and I hated it so much. The only redemption was how goofily overjoyed my boys were when I was Patio Mom. Honestly, it's hard to believe that they actually love us so much, sometimes, right?

  8. Awful! But I suppose it's worth it for being mama of the year.

    Haven't done a field trip yet... I don't think Belgian moms have to after nursery school, and there I did "games in class" and "party prep" instead. (My son never knew the difference. Ha!)

  9. I can't say I was EVER glad to get on a damn school bus. My sympathies on the Dia.



  10. I don't get that art either. Sounds like a wild day... guess that's how kids get when they're released from their normal habitat for a few hours, lol

  11. When I was teaching, I would take Mean Mom over Talking On Her Cellphone the Entire Time Mom any day of the week.

    I don't get a lot of modern art either. I especially have a hard time with performance art.

  12. LOL! Girl, you crack me up. I like art, as in paintings, but I don't get that crazy shit like piles of poo on a 2"x4".

  13. That school bus looks so very much different than the school buses around here.....I'll try to take a photo one day....Cool!

    My mom never chaperoned a class trip, but I didn't mind. She was even a stay at home mom. She was just not interested. Oh well.....I felt more free without her around, like if she SAW the things I did at school, I might get into trouble.

  14. I am sorry that your mom not going on field trips made you feel like you weren't loved; it doesnt sound as if there was a lot of the love feeling anyway, though, becuase I have gone on one field trip with each kid and that is all I am willing to do, period. And I don't think my kids think they are less loved than the people whose parents DID go. Besides, I have given them many OTHER things to need to seek therapy for, so it's probably pretty much a wash. :)

  15. Field trips=Hades.Especially in the spring, when they're all nuts!


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.