"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Monday, May 31, 2010

It's all a big blur

I still have shitforbrains and this weekend didn't help much.

It was a lovely weekend. Perfect weather. One day running into the next. A houseful of kids. In and out. Overnights. Back and forth.

Never ending sun. Never ending blue skies.

Never ending kids.

Which is fine.

The best part of the weekend was waking up Sunday morning, thinking it was Monday, then realizing not only did I not have to get up because it was Sunday, I also wouldn't have to get up on Monday. The thought of two more mornings to sleep in was just heaven.

Yes. I ignore my kids so I can and sleep in. It's been 12 years people! My kids can fend for themselves for a few hours on a holiday weekend morning. And if that means they eat double chocolate rocky road for breakfast, so be it.


I ignored them a lot this weekend. They roamed in and out of various houses, playgrounds, and backyards. They got savage tans. There were no fights. They all had a really good time together. Laissez-faire in motion.

It was good even when they set the patio on fire. Also while I was ignoring them. They had a blast. They asked if they could make another fire Sunday night and couldn't believe it when the answer was no.

But why not?
Daddy and I are going on a date and Amy's coming. You can't make a fire when Amy's here.
But WHY?


No fires. No matches. No lighters. No sparklers.
Can we just do sparklers mom?
No. No sparklers.
But why no sparklers? You can't set fire to anything with a sparkler.
Because sparklers need lighters. No lighters.

We promise we won't set any thing on fire.
No. No fire.
I'm the meanest fucking mommy around. Just ask them

Sunday and Monday at Splashdown. The local water park. It was a fucking zoo. But, because I am so good at ignoring them, I planted my ass on a chaise lounge in the shade and napped.

No one drowned.

Ty was mad, though. I wouldn't go on the new toilet bowl ride with him. I had no desire to drag a double inner tube up six flights to sail down a plastic tunnel into a ginormous plastic bowl and circle a plastic drain to get pooped out into a swimming pool.

He said I was mean.

So I took them to McDonald's. Fuck it. I ate a quarter pounder with cheese and refilled my cup with Coke on the way out.

You only live once.

Mia got stung on her eyelid and the whole thing swelled shut. I gave her a dose of benadryl and she fell asleep in the bathtub while I was rearranging the plants on the porch.


At 7:30 this evening, Ty says to me mom, tell me about when I was a baby...
OK. To make a long and painful story short, Ty has an autobiography due tomorrow.

Right. Birth to present. With pictures and a table of contents. Due tomorrow.


I have a friend whose oldest child is 15. For as long as I can remember, she has stayed up until ridiculous hours the night before a big project was due because her son waited till the last minute. She basically does the project herself cause it's super important that her kids do well in school.


Not me. Being the mean mommy that I am, it's sink or swim as far as I'm concerned. I don't get mad. I don't yell. I don't punish or threaten. Instead, I say in a calm, even voice

A whole project honey? And you waited till tonight? Wow, that's messed up.
and Ty says mom why do I always do this?
I don't know, honey.
I'm a procrastinator said like you'd say nazi or slave owner or pedophile

So here we are. Both of us writing away. Me telling him stories about himself of which he has no memory. Me being forced to recall highlights of his first year, second year, third year.

It's all a big blur.


  1. That you are a super Mom and you can quote me.
    And that they are lucky to have you, even without permission to set the place on fire.

  2. Thank God, he's not 50 or you'd be up for days.

  3. You're brilliant. God, I love this post.

    Laissez le bon temps rouler -- or something like that. I got secret pleasure and recognition reading how you "ignored" your children. Me, too.

  4. Benign neglect- works for African violets and it works for children. My attitude about playing and homework was that I had done that when I was a child and now it was their turn.

  5. This weekend was a blur for us too. Much busier than usual.

    Then my ex had the girls on Monday and today...called me at 7a.m. because he can't find Olivia's sneakers OR the outfit I packed for her to wear to her end of the school year play today (she's an exercising bear)...

    What the frick!? I told him that if it was me that lost my 7 year old daughters brand new outfit and brand new sneakers I'd be running out and shopping right now, not calling my ex. :)

    But now I'm a bundle of nerves hoping he finds her stuff...

    What was it about this weekend!?

  6. God, I can't wait until mine are old enough to ignore. I'm seriously looking forward to the day I can sleep passed 6:30 a.m.

    As a teacher, I thank you for not doing his projects! I have high schoolers who can't wipe their own asses without a totally-against-school-policy text message from their moms!

  7. Sounds like it was a mostly good weekend. I'm so glad.

    Love you, my idol of cool.


  8. LOLed at "We promise we won't set any thing on fire."

    Ugh... hope Ty made it through the project. I like your approach.

  9. I love that she fell asleep in the tub. I take a very "natural consequences" approach to motherhood. Some call it lazy. This post is my inspiration to stay the course :)

  10. You're so right. The kids whose parents do their homework are useless at solving anything in class, take it from a teacher who knows.

  11. Let me know the next time you go to splashdown....I'm a masochist and actually kind of like it. I will drag you (and just you :) to trapeze. We can drown the pain of our sore arms in a glass of wine afterwards.

  12. Damn funny post! I see so much of my mothering in you....were we twins separated at birth? My son is all about waiting until the last minute to do a huge project. I used to get it done for him and now I let him sink or swim. He's 14 and going in to high school. Time for him to man up and get moving. And that thing about the amusement park? I actually DETEST those places and I'm the first one to find a place to park my ass and wait for the day to be over. Thank god for cell phones...we can communicate with each other when they get lost in the park ;))

  13. I live in a suburb that prides itself with parents who finish the projects. Gag.

    I'm considering a transfer. Anything available on your block? I'll tend your roses for you.

  14. Ours was a crazy blur too.

    G burned himself in the bonfire....holding a stick in the flames then swinging it around like he's Harry Potter. I knew he'd end up hurt. He'd tell you it was totally worth it.

    Yep. Fires, kids locked in closets, pack of Deaf people on a boat.


  15. I can't ignore my kids yet....but that doesn't mean I try.
    Today I ignored my 4 year old for 2 minutes he shows up with dog shit on his hand.
    I ignored my 1 and half year old for 45 seconds and he comes screaming at me with dog shit on his shoe....
    and I ended up with dog shit on my nose....don't ask.
    You had me cracking up! So, glad I stopped by!!

  16. ---edit----
    that should have been:
    but that doesn't mean I don't try.

  17. You only live once. ;-)

    I can picture the lounging at the water park - I've done that too.

    Mean mommies unite. xo

  18. As that gorgeous girl loaded on my page a big smile crossed my face. What a knock-out!

  19. Loved your post. Best description ever of those toilet bowl rides. I will only go on certain ones. That don't involve heights and drops.
    I don't write my kids' stuff either. I do announce deadlines though, such as "If you want me to look anything over for spelling errors tonight is your deadline because tomorrow night I am watching The Bachelorette." Or, "I am going to Target so if anyone needs a poster board or anything else you may have volunteered on a group project, speak now or you are out of luck."

  20. what a whirlwind. i love your glimpses into motherhood and family and kids. it's so real and raw and messy good. i still picture your kids dancing around whenever that song comes on, i smile wide and sing outloud, "like a bug in your vagina"
    i think you are right on with your style of parenting. your kids are learning how to become people. that's so important. more important than projects getting finished perfectly by the wrong person.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.