Birth Day

Warning: disturbing photo...

this was me exactly 10 years ago

looks like a damn torpedo

40 weeks and 2 days pregnant with Ty

feeling great

seriously

I did. I felt wonderful. I felt beautiful and feminine.

I had no idea I was grotesquely enormous.

People used to stop and stare. Even when I had my clothes on.

I'd get all in a snit and say to Bruce what the fuck?... hasn't anyone ever seen a pregnant lady before?

I should have had a clue when the clothes I wore at 42 weeks with Jack were ummm... snug.... at 20 weeks with Ty.

I knew I was big, but I hadn't gained much weight and, like I said, I just felt so damn good.

See that kind of crazy hysterical look on my face?

I was about to walk down the hall for my second c-section.

I put a hospital gown on first.

*****

Bruce and I had gone in for a biophysical profile.

Ultrasound, fetal monitoring, and some other test I can't recall.

When I hoisted myself up on the table, the sonographer looked at me and said is this a multiple birth?

ummm... no...

really? raised eyebrows

hmmm...

quickie ultrasound and she says stay right there, I'm going to get Georgia on the phone.

Georgia Rose. My batshit crazy awesome midwife.

According to the ultrasound, I had twice the normal amount of amniotic fluid.

And Ty's weight was estimated to be 9.5 lbs.

No wonder I had a torpedo belly

I'm admitting you.

Georgia knew I wanted a VBAC. She agreed to let me try if the attending signed off on it.

All my professional knowledge went right out the window and I just kept thinking I don't want another c-section.

My recovery after Jack had been so hard.

I don't know if it was the pitocin or the IV fluids or the 24 hours of labor prior to being sectioned

but I was physically fucked up afterwards.

For weeks.

I couldn't imagine being in that condition and having to take care of a 3 yr old and a newborn.

The attending was even and patient. I remembered him from Jack's delivery.

He reluctantly agreed to induction but wanted to be clear we were aware of potential complications.

cord prolapse

shoulder dystocia

fetal distress

emergency c-section

Oh. Right. All those risks of which the professional-me was fully aware, but the mommy-me didn't want to think about.

Bruce didn't know what any of it meant. I explained it all to him so the ob would know that I fully understood.

Bruce looked scared.

He turned to Baby Doc and said if she were your wife, what would you do?

I would go for the section

nuf said

I remember calling my mom from the bank of pay phones at the hospital.

There were still pay phones then.

I remember feeling awkward displaying my fear and vulnerability to her.

I didn't know who else to call.

I guess I knew she would understand.

I was sobbing.

Mommy... I don't want another c-section.

I don't remember what she said, but I do remember feel reassured and better after talking to her.

As it should be.

Will wonders never cease.

*****

I remember walking down the hall to the OR.

The clock on the wall said 5:25.

I remember thinking this is so weird. by 6 oclock I'll have a baby

And I did

Ty Nichols Beaty

a few minutes old

8lbs 11oz

sometime before 6pm

August 25, 2000

almost 3

probably 5

last year

*****

My recovery wasn't bad at all. The Universe is Abundant.

I remember when Ty was a few days old, Sister Adrienne came to visit.

She called first and asked if I needed anything.

I'm sure she was thinking something along the lines of food, or maybe a big bottle of wine.

Suppositories. I'm totally constipated.

Ummm... OK.... but what exactly do I look for? I've never bought anything like that before.

Neither had I. Damn c-section. Damn codeine.

It all came out ok though.

I recovered just fine.

*****

Ty has a bunch of friends here for a sleepover.

Pizza, ice cream sundaes, video games.

Mommyhood

You know what I've learned?

10 old boys smell way worse than 13 year old boys.