"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Birth Day

Warning: disturbing photo...

this was me exactly 10 years ago
looks like a damn torpedo
40 weeks and 2 days pregnant with Ty
feeling great

I did. I felt wonderful. I felt beautiful and feminine.
I had no idea I was grotesquely enormous.
People used to stop and stare. Even when I had my clothes on.
I'd get all in a snit and say to Bruce what the fuck?... hasn't anyone ever seen a pregnant lady before?

I should have had a clue when the clothes I wore at 42 weeks with Jack were ummm... snug.... at 20 weeks with Ty.
I knew I was big, but I hadn't gained much weight and, like I said, I just felt so damn good.

See that kind of crazy hysterical look on my face?
I was about to walk down the hall for my second c-section.
I put a hospital gown on first.


Bruce and I had gone in for a biophysical profile.
Ultrasound, fetal monitoring, and some other test I can't recall.
When I hoisted myself up on the table, the sonographer looked at me and said is this a multiple birth?

ummm... no...

really? raised eyebrows


quickie ultrasound and she says stay right there, I'm going to get Georgia on the phone.

Georgia Rose. My batshit crazy awesome midwife.

According to the ultrasound, I had twice the normal amount of amniotic fluid.
And Ty's weight was estimated to be 9.5 lbs.

No wonder I had a torpedo belly

I'm admitting you.

Georgia knew I wanted a VBAC. She agreed to let me try if the attending signed off on it.
All my professional knowledge went right out the window and I just kept thinking I don't want another c-section.
My recovery after Jack had been so hard.
I don't know if it was the pitocin or the IV fluids or the 24 hours of labor prior to being sectioned
but I was physically fucked up afterwards.
For weeks.
I couldn't imagine being in that condition and having to take care of a 3 yr old and a newborn.

The attending was even and patient. I remembered him from Jack's delivery.
He reluctantly agreed to induction but wanted to be clear we were aware of potential complications.

cord prolapse
shoulder dystocia
fetal distress
emergency c-section

Oh. Right. All those risks of which the professional-me was fully aware, but the mommy-me didn't want to think about.
Bruce didn't know what any of it meant. I explained it all to him so the ob would know that I fully understood.

Bruce looked scared.
He turned to Baby Doc and said if she were your wife, what would you do?

I would go for the section

nuf said

I remember calling my mom from the bank of pay phones at the hospital.
There were still pay phones then.
I remember feeling awkward displaying my fear and vulnerability to her.
I didn't know who else to call.
I guess I knew she would understand.

I was sobbing.
Mommy... I don't want another c-section.
I don't remember what she said, but I do remember feel reassured and better after talking to her.
As it should be.

Will wonders never cease.


I remember walking down the hall to the OR.
The clock on the wall said 5:25.
I remember thinking this is so weird. by 6 oclock I'll have a baby

And I did

Ty Nichols Beaty
a few minutes old
8lbs 11oz
sometime before 6pm
August 25, 2000

almost 3

probably 5

last year


My recovery wasn't bad at all. The Universe is Abundant.

I remember when Ty was a few days old, Sister Adrienne came to visit.
She called first and asked if I needed anything.
I'm sure she was thinking something along the lines of food, or maybe a big bottle of wine.
Suppositories. I'm totally constipated.
Ummm... OK.... but what exactly do I look for? I've never bought anything like that before.
Neither had I. Damn c-section. Damn codeine.

It all came out ok though.
I recovered just fine.


Ty has a bunch of friends here for a sleepover.
Pizza, ice cream sundaes, video games.


You know what I've learned?
10 old boys smell way worse than 13 year old boys.


  1. My only birth story is of the scary c-section variety.
    happy birthday to your boy...!

  2. Oh that first postpartum shit is a miracle in itself. Wow, Lady. You are/were gorgeous.

  3. Wow, such a nice story and wow, you look great being so pregnant and so big. Congrats.

  4. Oh, happy birthday to Ty! And that photo of you is AMAZING. Yes, you were HUGE -- at least your stomach was -- but the rest of you was ridiculously not.

    Gorgeous -- you and your son.

  5. You were gorgeous, you still are!

    Happy Birthday, Ty!

  6. Only 8 lb 4 oz? Really?

    And I looooove the huge belly pic! You were glowing, for sure!

    Happy birthday to him and happy birth-iversary to you!

  7. seriously. you were freakishly huge.

    I remember wanting the perfect birth experience with my first. Had all the perfect plans in place. And of course you know all hell broke loose.

    So. With my second. I just wanted to get that thing the hell outta me and get home. The means of escape mattered little to me.

    Happy Birthday Ty. Your Mommy(and Daddy) makes pretty humans.

  8. You know, I've seen a lot of pregnant bellies and I've never seen one that looked quite like that. I'd even venture to say that he was NOT in a head down position.
    I'm just so glad that all went well and here you are and ain't you lucky? And isn't he?
    Happy Birth Day. Amen.

  9. Goddamn woman. You are so tiny, and your belly was so fucking huge! Amazing.

    I love Ty's name, and you really do have the most gorgeous children.

    Glad everything turned out so well in the end.

    Love you tons,


  10. You are gorgeous and your children are definitely gorgeous.

  11. Bloody hell! And I thought I looked pregnant a couple of weeks ago!

    I am wondering why they let me have my even more huge baby naturally. Maybe I'm just taller, or maybe I just have a bigger vagina. (That's a funny thing to write.)

    I'm so glad your recovery was better. Mine just now seems pretty good as well. Maybe our bodies learn with every pregnancy.

  12. Now, THAT is a belly!

    Sounds like my conversations with my sister :) You name it, we say it.

    (Thanks for your comment, btw)

  13. that is a LOT of amniotic fluid. i wonder why that occurs?

    so glad it all worked out nicely :) and the constipation afterward is OYE i hate that part!

    a beautiful boy you have!!

  14. but you are a beautiful torpedo!
    great photo, this post made me well up a little and I'm not even a mama.
    you're amazing and so is your birthday boy.
    happy happy.

  15. wow-Take this as a compliment, but that is the biggest single-baby pregnancy belly I have ever seen! Obviously, he was worth all the trouble :)

  16. I love pregnant bellies. Like LOVE - and that, my friend, is a an awesome belleh!!
    congrats on being such a good momma.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.