"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

About Me


My sidebar has no About Me thingy other than crazy is as crazy does.
Which, after all, is all there is to say.

I guess I figure if you read enough posts, you'll know all about me.
Ha. Not to hold anyone hostage or anything.

I blog to work my shit out. I blog for the reassuring Amen Sista comments.
I blog to hear you are not alone. I blog to hear thank god I am not alone.

I tell myself that followers and comments don't really matter.
BULLSHIT.
But I have 2 of those counter things on my sidebar.
I tell myself it's cool to see the hits from other parts of the world or neat to track who's reading.

whatever

It's a damn popularity contest.
No matter how you cut it, blogging is a look at me endeavor.
Even if you don't like being looked at.

I don't particularly like being looked at. At least not in the physical world.

But I'll confess. I love comments and I love followers. big secret

A friend asked me a while back if I was on Facebook. I said are you kidding me? No way! Facebook makes me feel like I'm walking around without my clothes on.
He thought that was pretty funny given how...ummm...nekkid I am here on my blog.

I don't know. Facebook and Twitter are just not the same as blogland.

Another friend said if you go on Facebook, your blog will take off.

Memes
I still don't know what that word means are a great way to spread the blog love in a multiple partner kind of way. I tried it for a while, but I just felt cheap. I prefer protection. Cybercondoms. I've never been a not unless I'm in love kinda girl, but when it comes down to it I'd rather keep my intimate bloggy fluids to myself.
I mean if I like you and you like me, I'm all for the overshare.
But there's nothing casual about Just Eat It.

I also know that if I go for the numbers, I'll edit my words.
And then this blog will cease serving it's purpose.
It's not a popularity contest. I mean not REALLY.
And I've never been a let's go shopping kind of girl. I don't think I could get a hundred followers even if I tried.
I tell myself I'm above seeking out approval and validation.
I left that shit behind 2 husbands ago.

I don't want to censor myself here. I do enough of that in the flesh.
I can't call the flesh-life real-life cause my posts are the real me.
It's where I put out my strength and weakness and fear and hope for almost anyone to see.

Which is why it's kinda funny that I did this.

I did it mostly out of curiosity.
bullshit.

I have the best followers in the blogosphere. They give great comment.
They are wonderful, lovely, interesting people who leave wonderful, lovely, interesting comments.
And I follow them too. I worry about them. I cheer for them. I actually love them.
They're really smart and batshit crazy just like me.
There are also handful of face to face people who read my blog.
Most of them are family members.
Or having sex with family members. Or want to have sex with family members.
So when they say you should write a book I tell myself they have an agenda.

I wanted a more objective opinion.

So I justified my quest for approval with the URL iwillfuckingtearyouapart.
Can't get more objective than that.
And if I got torn apart it would serve me right for begging.

I'm not a writer. Maybe I'm a storyteller. Maybe. I'm mostly just a chick who found a really good way to work her shit out. And it turns out that sometimes I can make people laugh or cry or feel outrage or get goose bumps with my story-telling written words.
And that makes us all feel less alone.

I cannot tell stories with my mouth.
I'm the one who screws up the punchline and generally spazzes out if confronted by the spoken word.
I don't even LIKE talking.

Still, I submitted.

And received this.

And to be perfectly honest, I was
tickled fucking pink.
I called my New York Times reviewed husband right away.
I feel so stupid being so excited I feel like such an idiot but I'm really happy I'm such an idiot but it's a really good review and they don't like ANYONE.

It was my Sally Fields moment. I tortured my kids with it for the entire evening.

I didn't tell anyone else. Cause I don't like talking about myself. It's taken a week to figure out how to put it out there in a comfy way.
A widget on my sidebar? Not without an explanation.
But the explanation would be so much more look at me than I'm comfortable with.

I've never been good at taking compliments. I just get embarrassed.
Ask Bruce. It drives him crazy.
But you know what? I get all tingly when I read Madame's review.

And being her IFLY devirginizer? Wow.
I love that this blog was powerful enough make that black-leather clad lady throw down her whip and beg for more.
I love that I could satisfy her so. It makes me feel a little dirty.

But I'll keep my crazy colors and morphing fonts thankyouverymuch.
I can't imagine my blog in black and white anymore than I can imagine my house in black and white.

My ego said Bruce, maybe someone will read the review and offer me a book deal every blogger's dream. Then maybe I'll get a movie deal. Meryl Streep can play me and Stanley Tucci can play you.

We had a good chuckle over that one.


This blog is my About Me


22 comments:

  1. Ahh shit. Now you're gonna get all big in your britches.

    And I'm gonna be all... I read Michelle before everyone was reading Michelle.

    It's a great review.

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  2. Well deserved -- and you are BRAVE. That whole site TERRIFIES me.

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  3. Well done. It's how I found you and I'm all subscribed now. I like your words and the yellow has grown on me :-)

    I was terrified waiting for my reviews over there, I resolved not to think about it and I lurked and lurked. And then I got decent reviews on both blogs and I danced around for days, clicking back to read the reviews over and over.

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  4. Well you got one new follower (and now commentor) from that review. I had to head over after I read it and you know what, he's right. If you have statcounter you'll see I pretty much read the whole site. Although it freaks me out when people do that to me.

    Keep blogging, it's great. I'm petrified of that site although kind of interested to what he'd sat about me!

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  5. Family members are having SEX?????

    I left my other comments on your voicemail

    I'm 'bout ready to bust

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  6. I found you at AAYSR, too. While I don't particularly love the mellow yellow background, I love your words, and can read them in black & white through your feed. :)

    And it IS rather impressive that you got IFLY from the Madam. Lucky!! (Or maybe it's not luck, eh?!)

    Anyway, it's nice to "meet" you. :)

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  7. Blogger ate my comment which went something like this:
    You have balls. No. Ovaries. Big, juicy, bloody ovaries.
    And that when I see you have a new post up, my heart beats to a more merry tune.
    And that we may have met over chickens but I immediately fell in love with your whole grain, Ganeshy goodness and always will feel that way.
    Your loving fan....Ms. Moon

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  8. Well of course you got a great review, you are a shiny gem on the blogscape. And we really like you, we really, really like you!
    And it goes without saying that I like the mellow yellow, it really rocks the purple and blue font. It wouldn't matter what colors or font size though, because your words make none of that matter.
    Hope you don't get all famous and forget the little people who loved you from the beginning :)
    Congratulations, and thanks for sharing your About Me with us.

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  9. I was tickled for you too.

    And a wee bit jealous. I didn't get fucking torn apart, but I didn't get an IFLY either.

    I rarely go on Facebook, and will not be creating a 'fan page' for my blog on there.

    I do have a Twitter account, and really dislike the high school vibe on there. I do however like that I can quickly jot down ridiculous stuff that pops into my head.

    Again, congrats on the review.

    I forget where I found you, however long ago, but mighty glad I did.

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  10. I am so FUCKING HAPPY for you! And I like the font, thank you very damn much. It has character, much like the lady who writes the blog.

    Love you.

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  11. Glad I found you and looking forward to following.
    If you have some time some day, come over and check out some VSL hospitality.

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  12. nice blog.. have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.blogspot.com .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...

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  13. At least your review over there didn't make you want to kill yourself; the one they gave me STILL makes me sick. WE all do love you.

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  14. I found you through that review so happy you ventured out of your comfort zone a bit to do so. You are a wonderful writer.

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  15. I love your blog :) I have for a long time -I'm glad that it gives you joy and connects you with us.

    I would NEVER be brave enough to submit my little teeny blog on there --I dont want many people reading mine at all! Its my spot.

    Oh my, I love your writing and YOU.

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  16. i want to punch (some of) MB's followers in the face. that said, i, like mellie, wonder - - what family members are having sex?! i've ticked off the list, and i'm pessimistic...

    THAT said, YIPPEE!! i love it! (the honor, not the sex - tee hee)

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  17. Congratulations on an awesome review! I would like to go on record as having found and followed you, via tulpen, a good long time ago, and I always look forward to your posts.

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  18. How awesome is that? You go, Michelle! IFLY, too!

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  19. color me wicked impressed. i'm way too chickenshit to submit to any sort of review. Any.

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  20. IFLY2 :-) and IFLYfont. Well done, every post is still spot on, how do you do it?! So impressed, so glad to know you, this blog just makes me happy.

    xxxx

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  21. And to think I can say I knew you before you were famous! haha

    I get a little nervous every time I read him/her complain about Friday Fragments, but mostly it just makes me chuckle. I totally get it.

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so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.