"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Monday, October 25, 2010

grinch butt

I'm crabby and impatient and intolerant and all around lacking in compassion today

Not a way I like to feel

So this morning, I'm in a room seeing one of my regular families, and what Jack would call old white guy republican thoughts are going through my head.

I don't want to even notice that all six kids have different last names.
I don't want to think about the fact that this lady has 5 kids between the age of 8 month and almost 7. And they all have different last names.

She hasn't gotten the baby the antibiotics the ER prescribed cause she has no way of getting to the pharmacy.
The 12 year old is asleep with his head on the exam room desk, snoring away at 9:18 am.
He still wets the bed so mom asks if "They" will pay for adult diapers.
She wants him to have a sleep study cause he snores.
And she wants vitamin prescriptions for all 6 kids because "They" will pay for it.

I don't want to have judgements. I don't want to be judgemental.

But... As in grinch butt

Who the fuck is "They"?
I am "They".

Somewhere along the line, in the last 6 years, there have been at least 5 different men in this woman's life.
Why can't they buy some vitamins?
Or pitch in for the adult diapers? Or go fill the babys prescription goddammit?
And why does she keep having babies anyway?

I'm all for socialized medicine, but when I have grinch butt its not so easy to stay in a place of compassion. The damn wedgie is distracting me.

So I force myself to focus on how cute the baby is and how smart the two year old is and how much it must suck to be 13 and still wetting the bed.

And having grinch butt is not nearly as bad as being the mom of 6 and not having any front teeth.

But still. I have grinch butt.

I've bought 6 packages of different sizes and styles of underwear and not one goddam pair is comfortable too tight across my fat ass too low a rise too high a rise bikini brief boy brief what the fuckin fuck brief and my period which has been coming every 26 days is now at 30 and refusing to make its presence known thankyouverymuch. I bought pantyliners just in case along with another package of underwear and the underwear comes up over my bellybutton ugh and the pantiliners are more like oceanliners damn they could be inserts in Bruce's size 12 sneakers


So that's why I am

On days like this I think of something I read a long time ago in The Temple of My Familiar.
The way I remember it, one of the characters says she became a massage therapist because she realized if she didn't physically put her hands on people and literally feel their pain, she'd fucking kill them out of aggravation.

That's me today.


  1. There are so many things to laugh at in this post -- and to commiserate with and cry about, too. I'll do both --

    (this work I do in healthcare for kids with special needs is so damn frustrating in the same way -- I want these parents to stand up, advocate, etc. -- but I'm just a damn white girl, so what do I know?)

  2. I went to massage school before I got into IT... I felt like I was absorbing too much tension from other people and that I could not handle.

  3. I work in health care policy, and struggle with this every damn day. But I am not on the front lines -i so, so admire you.

  4. Ai. Yi. Yi.
    This is the story of many of us. I have no direct contact with customers/clients, but have instead "internal" clients, who are nearly as maddening, albeit for completely different reasons. Nonetheless: You. Are. Frontline.

    And for that I admire you, love you, and am unspeakably grateful to have you out there, even when you feel like strangling people. Long ago, when I was a pregnant Medicaid patient, I would have been profoundly grateful for your kind and business-like presence. Today, I'm grateful for that same presence regardless of my own changing needs.

    You are a queen among us, whether or not people see it.
    Love you.

  5. At least you aren't proud of the grinch butt thoughts. I think that's a lot. I have very similar thoughts when I see some mothers around here milk the benefit system while I don't take any benefits at all because I'm choosing not to work. (They think I'm an idiot.)

    The last knickers I bought make my thighs look like sausages.

  6. Oh the stories we could share over a cup of coffee... or a couple of margaritas...

    You need to get the thoughts out, because if you don't... they can get poisonous and you might be afflicted w/ grinch butt on a more regular basis.

    We definitely deal with the same families.

  7. Interesting. We had a request for a teen to get a script for adult diapers yesterday, too. Must be something in the air.

    Also, when I get grinch butt, which happens ESPECIALLY when I'm late, I've realized I desperately need some B vitamins. :)

  8. Grinch butt - love it. But don't love that you're experiencing things to make you have it.

    I hope you're able to unclench soon.

    And that mom, oy. Won't "they" pay for birth control as well? So happy my premiums are going up. Again. Hmm, maybe I should talk to "they?"

    Ruh roh, I feel Grinch Butt sneaking up on me...

  9. Jebus Cripes... I feel sorry for every last one of those kids, because with a mother like that the deck is stacked against them.

    Ocean Liners, heheh, why can't those company's get it right?

  10. Michelle- guess what?
    I love you.
    So there.

  11. Great post grinch butt, we've all been there. Not judging is HARD.

    And I postpone buying new panties until the old are completely threadbare because THEY (different they, but they nonetheless) never make the same pairs two years in a row and I despise the hunt for equivalent and new...Sadly, I'm at that point now, thanks for the reminder :(

  12. My sympathy, love. To have days like that is SO human.

    Love you much,


  13. I have four children and guess what? There are three different names involved! Three different men involved! I get what you are saying, what all these commenters are saying; it CAN be frustrating, it CAN be heartbreaking and annoying and all of that. But I would be willing to bet that this mother went into each pregnancy with the highest of hopes that this time things would be different, that this time she would be a family. The problems in this situation are so myriad, so intertwined with possible abuse and/or addiction issues and family of origin issues and so, so many other things that no one can really look at this mother and know her story. You mentioned the men-where are they? Clearly another crack in the system allowing yet more men to be deadbeat assholes while laying all the blame at the woman's feet. you can't know her story, people. Not unless you have been there. And do you know how expensive vitamins are? So, she should go without them for her children because "they" will pay for them? SHAME ON YOU PEOPLE!

    and my undies never fit right either. And I send you hugs.

  14. So that's what it's called. Grinch Butt?? I have severe grinch butt right now, too. I always do the week before mother nature calls. That bitch!

    I ain't even going to lie, though. Even without grinch butt, I'd probably be pissed at Broke-ass Mama of 5! It's unfortunate that there are so many others running around just like her!

    I need to read that book. It sounds like my kind of tale.

  15. i'd MUCH rather be called grinch butt than some of the things my kids call me. seriously.

  16. I rather love this post. so damn honest. so richly human. so i-know-what-that feels-like funny! and you know what, compassionate, too. that sneaks in there, too.

  17. You are so talented. Truly. I adore everything you write.

    That is all.

  18. No front teeth, huh? Guess that explains the five guys...

    LOLOLOL But seriously, those people who say they "have no way" to get to the pharmacy piss me off. My principal and I picked up a student once because his mom had "no way," and when we dropped him off, she was not there, and in fact 15 MINUTES LATE, because a friend had driven her Walmart for "cigarettes and stuff." Of course, because she is so used to sucking off the tit of society, it didn't even occur to her to apologize for being late, as it didn't occur to her to offer to pick UP her son, rather than have us take him home. Grrrrrrr

  19. Yeah, I'm thinking birth control might do the trick. I hate to judge as well but why are people having all these babies when they can hardly take care of them?! It's so unfair on the kids. I'm having a delightful time with my period as well. Just when I was beginning to enjoy the whole perimenopause thing, my period snuck up on me unexpectedly. Well, at least I only get it about 4 times a year now :))

  20. Seriously. WTF with that woman? She would have royally pissed me off too. My husband calls women like that 'Gimme Girls'. 'Cause they expect that "They" will alway Gimme Gimme Gimme.

  21. Well, the obvious solution is to go buy Grinch butt underwear. Too bad "they" won't pay for it.

  22. excellent writing. that last remembering from the book made so much sense. i know just what you mean about the undies. god you made me laugh with the oceanliner and shoe insert lines, perfect.
    hang in there gringe butt!

  23. I miss you. Where are you? And I hope everything is all right.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.