"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rambly Bad Mood Monday

And the hormonal slump hit like a ton of bricks and fucked me up goddammit

I felt like I was on a goddam emotional rollercoaster this weekend.
Poor Bruce.
Saturday I was fine. I was chatty.
Then the sun went down and I felt headachey and impatient and terse and cold to the bone.

It sucked.

I woke up @ 4am sunday morning and couldn't fall back to sleep til after 5.

That NEVER happens to me anymore. I couldn't even blame it on a hot flash

Same thing Sunday. I was ok all day then for no real reason just felt blue.
And headachey. And cold.
So at 6 I took a nap. Then I felt better. For a little while.

I have to chalk it up to hormones and the shorter, darker days cause life is so good right now.
There's a lot of the unbloggable going on, but its good unbloggable.
Cause you know the bad shit in my life is WAY bloggable.
But the good unbloggable stuff is piling more onto my already too full plate.
Maybe that explains my fat ass...

I usually go out of my way to keep life as simple as possible.
I deny my kids after school activities cause I can't stand driving around in circles.
Jack walks to tae kwon do.
Ty's cello lesson is 4 minutes away and the cello teacher has a really comfy couch so I regularly fall asleep listening to them play Bach and Tchaikovsky.
Mia did art camp because it occupied her for 8 hours a day and made my life easier

I'm a selfish bitch

I also am inherently lazy and undisciplined.
So now I'm dealing with a gazillion more things than usual which makes no sense cause I'm really a person who just wants to sit down and do nothing

Which is what I've been doing. Absolutely nothing.
On the weekends I sit in the backyard with Bruce and look at the bluesky for hours on end.
Then we stroll down Main st. We listen to music.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to yoga.
And if Jordana or Anouk call I'll forget about all the things I have to do and we'll have lunch instead.

I'm thinking some of these blues may be due to the nagging voice telling me
there's a lot of work to be done get up off your lazy fat ass while you still have time before you're really in the weeds and behind the eight ball

Oh well. There are only a few more warm sunshiny days left.
I'll wait till the really crappy weather to get all this shit done.


OK. I know it's Tuesday. And it's not even Tuesday morning. It's Tuesday night.
I wrote the above blah blah blah at work yesterday, and that's exactly how I was feeling.

So I decided to do something productive today. Something I could feel good about.
Like when you clean your entire kitchen from top to bottom.


We don't have one. We buy what we buy. We don't pay attention. It's pathetic. And wasteful.

Finances. Cash flow. Bills. Money in. Money out.

Epic fail.

I do not feel better.


  1. I was emotional as holy hell yesterday --crying on the subway, just a damn mess. What IS wtih hormones? Or is it just pure crazy? Thank you for writing, either way. I love feeling less alone.

  2. It is so much fun to read your blog because we are complete opposites - and when do I really get to understand a totally different point of view?

    Sit and look at the sky? I would get frantic within minutes - I have to do, do, do. My budget is so tight. And I'm so uptight - I'm always so fascinated at how you can roll with it so well.

    But what we have in common? I do not drive children to after-school activities. Hate.It.

  3. There's something in the air, apparently it covers the entire country -- or at least the air being breathed in by women in their late forties.

    I wish I could come over there and sit and do nothing with you all day long, day after day. Our asses could grow fatter and fatter, maybe even join.

    Sorry -- that was gross.

  4. My weekend was bright and shiny. We had lots of fun & sex but my today has super-sucked. Kind of like being poked in the eye with a tongue depressor. It won't kill ya but DAMN!

    Here's hoping we get our shit together soon. Or stop letting it get to us. Whichever.

  5. Budget?? Damn. I think I'd need to smoke a lot of crack to get over the shock if I ever attempted that.


  6. Super emotional roller coaster week here, as well. (and unbloggable - starting days with ativan.)

    Have far too many things to do. Yet the ass gets fatter. Ack.

    I prefer the comfy couch over most things.

  7. Quit calling yourself names or I'm gonna come up there and smack your cute (not fat) ass and I mean it.
    I love you.

  8. I don't feel like doing a damn thing either, of late. Major seasonal depression. Always happens this time of year. My ass just wants to sleep.

    Love you!

  9. I'm with you on the lazy and undisciplined and the winter blues setting in...I have to say though, that I made a budget a couple of years ago, first on paper, then excel, and boy howdy has my financial life been better since. Far, far fewer surprises, and not at all time consuming once the initial set-up is done. So while I totally understand with why a budget is not top of the things-I-want-to-do-for-myself list, I expect it will make you feel pretty damn good (once you get over the initial shellshock).

  10. I can relate to this up and down and back and forth.

  11. I am picturing your ass joined with Elizabeths

    I laughed a little at your bad mood, because it is like we got together and said, "Hey, what should we blog about??? I Know! Our bad moods, and the fact that we don't know why we are in them!!!"

    I just got a haircut to cheer myself up
    it looks like CRAP

  12. I am posting this comment from my own place of rock bottom, contempt for myself and my abilities as a mother but also with a tiny thread that connects me to the greater self.

    Hormones are a bitch at this age. Ain't no other way to say it. But just remember, in your darkest hour, you are enough. You have surrounded yourself with color to always remind you of joy and your children are yours to mold. Remember, no matter how bad you feel, your eyes should light up when they walk in the room because all we really need to get by in life.....is love.

  13. That sky will be cloudy soon enough. Just look at it and let the sun shine on your cheeks. Seriously.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.