getting my house in order

getting my house in order
it's a jungle out there

Monday, December 6, 2010

Unbloggable


Last time, there was so much fear. And the fear lead to anger.

And the anger allowed me to plow through. I did not give a damn.

I probably looked like a Heartless Bitch.
unless you know the 12 steps

This time, there is only overwhelming sadness.

I have always chosen my children above all else.

No anger. Only a smidge of fear. it will be ok

This time, there is only enormous loss. And enormous heartbreak.

And sadness.


23 comments:

  1. Oh Michelle. Honey. I am hurting for you.

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  2. I am so sorry. I didn't know the back story. I've been in a very similar situation.

    I completely understand the heartbreak.

    xoxoxoxo

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  3. Oh no. E-mail me if you want.
    My heart is fucking breaking for you.
    But I know that you can and will do whatever needs doing and that at some point (the universe is abundant) all WILL be well.
    It may be way too soon to talk about that but I believe that eventually, yes, all will be well.
    I love you, Michelle. I think you are all the very best of what is wonderful in this world.

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  4. I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you. But my heart also believes that you will be ok, because you are one fierce, brave, strong, amazing woman and mama. I wish life weren't so messy. I wish your heart wasn't heavy. I'll be thinking about you, wishing you better.
    Wishes aren't much, but they are what I have to give. A hug would be better, and I'd give you that if I could. xxoo

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  5. Oh Michele, I am so very sorry. I've been there and it sucks and it's heartbreaking and infuriating and I'm sorry that there's nothing I can do but listen when you write. I'll be sending positive energy too and hope that it makes a dent in the unbloggable surrounding you now.

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  6. Oh, God. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what else to say or do except that I am holding your entire family in my arms...in spirit.

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  7. The last time I told you that you held the key, you still do and you always will. We fall and we get up and there but for the grace of the Universe goes us. Give time to time. B is a good man in the claws of a disease, and by osmosis and proximity so are you.

    Let yourself be sad, and overwhelmed and try to take some time off. Right now what you need is neither my words nor my pity or saying that I am sorry. What you need is time by yourself to evaluate what you truly want and how much are you willing to pay for it in emotion, trust and love. If you know in your heart that it cannot be, then gently let it go. But remember that it is what you need and want and what is best for all of you that counts. The rest is not important right now.

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  8. Oh, Michelle. I am so sorry. Please, please hang in there -- you are such a beautiful woman and mother -- that will sustain you. It must. I am closing my eyes and sending you strength and courage.

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  9. Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

    I'm so sorry for you and your kids. Sending you my strongest positive energy.

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  10. I was unaware of this struggle that is his, yours and your family's. I'm truly sorry.

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  11. I had no idea you were dealing with this sort of heartbreak and struggle and fear. I'm so sorry. You are/were not a heartless bitch, but exactly right on. Addiction is a monster. Sometimes it takes more than one try. You are amazing in a million ways, but I wish you didn't have to gather all your strength for this. Whatever you do or feel is right. Trust yourself. Thanks for sharing this real. Thinking of you.

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  12. We love you. Please please please call if you need anything at all. Heartbreaking. But you got through the worst before and you are in a much, much better position to do the same now. It's a demon alright.

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  13. I am worried about you. E-mail me if you want to: ugadawg1@woh.rr.com

    I love you!

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  14. Dear sweet beautiful strong friend.....just called and left a message. You are loved. It will be okay...the universe will make sure of that. Please let me know if you need me to come over and take care of the kids- or if you want to drop off two of them at the house with H so we can go out and talk.
    I love you-
    s

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  15. Michelle-

    I am so sorry.

    I keep writing shit down and then deleting it because it sounds asinine.

    So, just that. I'm sorry. I'm pulling for you. All of you.


    yrs-


    Scott

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  16. Michelle I am sorry to read this. I know so well this particular form of heartbreak and loss, at least the beginning stages, and the relapses.
    I am sending out love to you right now, and an open ear (and mouth?:) if you'd ever like to trade stories or just be heard.

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so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.