"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Sometimes I forget that you don't all have the whole story. And I flip tenses and tones when I blog. And sometimes I'm funny and sometimes I'm freaking out... 

Out of respect for the man, and the marriage we once had, I've been cryptic. I also still have in me that little girl who was raised to not say anything unless I had something nice to say.
I've mostly outgrown that little girl. Mostly. 

I am still married to the man who calls me Chica. For most of this year I have been a single mother.  For all intents and purposes, I have been a single mother for the past several years. The man I married, who had been a great dad and a great husband, was taken down by mental illness and alcohol dependance. 

B was pretty highly functioning until a series of events triggered a major depressive episode for which he refused treatment. It caused an extraordinarily unhealthy and unsafe living situation for myself and our kids, and I took what I previously would have thought unimaginable steps to secure our safety. I spent the first 4 months of this year in disbelief, saying to myself this is not my life. And I walked away from the man who had been my rock for 10 years. 

B's been in treatment and recovery since March. And I am once again seeing the man I fell in love with and married. The man who is brilliant and talented and funny and loves me to pieces. The man who my daddy adored. The man who my sister Adrienne said was responsible for the way our remarkable children got through all of this because of the remarkable father he once had been.  

B has not lived with us since February. He lives just a few blocks away, so we see him on weekends and sometimes briefly during the week. A lot of healing has taken place. But it hasn't been particularly easy. 

So there it is. Maybe by the grace of god and the universe I won't have to be a single mom much longer...


  1. The grace of true love is where you will find the key to that door, I am sure. You did the right thing and in my spirit language that is called Karma. And Karma is repaid ten times over when it comes to the right thing. You will be safe and so will be all who you love. You have what it takes and that is all it takes.

  2. The Universe is abundant. I hope everything you want comes to pass.

  3. And the pieces fall into place and now I understand and now I love you even more because what you have been going through is the hardest- to see someone you love and depend on, the father of your children- go down that rabbit hole- that has to be the hardest.
    So okay, I don't pray. I light candles. Thoughts made visible through flame. I will light a candle for strength, love, hope, faith for you and the man who calls you Chica and the beautiful children made manifest by your love.

  4. I do pray. And I have for you on many occassions....now that you have opened yourself up so freely, I can only respect you more...and my prayers can be specific. God Bless You and Your Children...and the Man who calls you Chica. :)

  5. I don't pray either, but I'll definitely be thinking about you.
    Sometimes dependence issues are too big for us to handle and we have to put them in the hands of medical professionals. It was brave of him to do so.

  6. Thanks for spelling it out for us - I send you all sorts of best wishes!

  7. Because you are a childhood friend and neighbor, this just has me so...sad?...I dont know what...I just can not get over where the roads of the lives of the Patrick and Calio girls have lead to..does this make any sense???

    Thanks for filling in the empty pieces for us all...
    now I can be more specific in my prayers for you, Chica ,and your beautiful family

  8. The things you don't know about someone...this is amazing. I am so proud of you. Your story shows that you are a woman of tremendous strength, devotion, smarts and love. I know so well what you are talking about, and I definitely think we should email. XO

  9. Wow. I even more that we have in common. xoxo


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.