Last night he was fighting back tears cause his stomach ached.
Ty honey, did you poop? Was it diarrhea, are you constipated. Do you feel better now?
He gets all blotchy and red when he's upset.
Are you nervous about tomorrow?
I don't know? Maybe.
It's ok to be nervous, honey. It's normal. Any time you do something that's new and unknown, it's a little scary. But honey, you're gonna get there and start playing your cello and you're gonna be soooo happy. And Devin his little cello friend will be there. You'll probably be in the same group and everything.
But what if I need to go to the bathroom?
Honey, they'll tell you where the bathroom is.
But what if I get lost?
This morning, he woke up excited and nervous.
I was excited and nervous.
We drove to cello camp. It's about half an hour away from home, but only 4 minutes from my office. He was quiet the whole ride. Had a lot on his mind.
We got out of the car and saw lots of nice looking nerdy kids of all ages carrying all manner of string instruments. He spied a little girl with a cello strapped to her back, and grinned from ear to ear.
Got him situated in his first class... "Orchestra"
The teacher seemed nice, Ty seemed OK so I scooted out and headed to work.
Halfway through the 4 minute drive to our office, I realized MY stomach hurt.
I wanted that teacher to say "Aahh, you're Ty... we've heard so much about you... we've been waiting for you... we know you're a cello prodigy... we'll take you under our wing and treat you as our own and will brag about you when you are a soloist at Carnegie Hall..."
That's what I wanted to hear.
But I didn't.
All those kids are brilliant.
That's why they're there.
I was scared for him. I knew he would be fine. And he's only 4 minutes away. But what if he feels insecure? What if he doesn't make friends? What if he can't find the bathroom? What if he's scared or sad or lonely?
He's ALL BY HIMSELF in a foreign land.
And I thought this is how Ms. Moon felt last week when her baby got on a plane to fly off to a mighty big adventure. Alone. Going forth in the world. Without mama.
It's scary when you face something new and unknown. Like sending your baby off to the first day of kindergarten, or middle school. Or cello camp. Or rural Jamaica. Or so much more I'm sure, and I'm not even there yet.
It never ends, does it?
So of course I called him when I knew he was back home. He sounded so happy. And confident. He can't wait to go back tomorrow.
Cello camp. How cool.
It IS cool. And you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteI know just this feeling. How do you give them up to the world and still claim them?
ReplyDeleteWe have to show them life but life is scary and fear is the most impossible emotion to watch your child have.
I hear ya, Sister. I love this post. You have put it all here.
Yep. Beautiful post. I'm actually crying a little bit. You've broken through my state-of-denial that my child is so far away from me. We are so close to our baby-children. We can ask them if they pooped. And then...they take these steps. And the steps always seem to work out fine. They are firm in their steps and if they stumble, it's okay because they get back up and they look around and they see that others stumble too and that's a big part of the learning.
ReplyDeleteOh Michelle. I'm so glad I found you. I'm so proud of your son.
I can feel your anxieties so clearly! My eldest daughter is going on a trip with her best friend and her friend's family this weekend. They're going to be gone for four days! FOUR DAYS! She'll be two hours away for FOUR DAYS. She's only nine.
ReplyDeleteWhen her dad discussed this plan with me I told him outright NO WAY! But then we talked it out and me saying no would be selfish...soo....I agreed. But with the condition that she would call me at least three times.
It doesn't end, it just changes. That is MY theory, anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd Kori- you are exactly right. It doesn't end and it doesn't get easier. It just gets different.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is so cool. It's just recently begun to sink in to me that I will always worry about my kids, even after they are grown. One day at a time, though, right?
ReplyDeletethis is why I baby, and hang on so tight to my little boy...the last if the bunch.
ReplyDeleteRemember my sister Kathy? Her baby girl leaves for college this fall. COLLEGE.
Yeah. She is a mess.
It all goes back to those baby birds in the nest, doesn't it?