My neighbor, or maybe the guy who mows his lawn for him, chopped down my wisteria vine. Not only did he reach over the butt-ugly chain link fence to my side and hack away, he left the poor remains in my yard. Didn't even have the decency to give the beheaded vine a proper mulch or wood chipper burial. Seems like quite a fuck you. I planted that vine 2 years ago to cover the fence and give us some privacy. It grew like gang busters. Hadn't flowered yet, but I was hoping for lovely lavender clusters next spring. Whomever also chopped down these impressive annual weed-tree things which spontaneously appeared last year. I don't know what they are, but I remember them from my childhood. They grow 6 feet tall over the course of the summer, and in September show bunches of little purple berries on magenta stems. If you crush them, they stain your hands an amazing fuschia color. Anyway, mf reached over and chopped those down, too. WTF. I thought I had a nice neighborly relationship with the folks next door. Still hard to believe he gave the directive. Maybe lawnmower man took it upon himself. He's a crabby guy. It's possible. If he reappears on his riding mower on the wrong day or at the wrong time he may get a taste of the Wrath of Michelle. We'll see.
I came across my violated ornamentals while plowing through knee high grass with the push mower. Our backyard looks like a jungle. Gone for only 12 days and we come back to wild overgrowth. Grass and clover up to my knees. Oregano and cilantro bolted with beautiful white and purple flower clusters. never knew oregano flowered. The weeds have grown up like crazy between the patio flagstones. Sunflowers up to my shoulders yay
But the stupid effin groundhog who tunnels through all the backyards down the block ate all my morning glory leaves again. These are actually planted morning glories, not the rampant invasive ones. They give ginormous purple and sky blue flowers. A ton of them. If the leaves aren't eaten by a stupid effin groundhog. Those leaves must be mighty sweet cause that fat fuck did the same thing last year. This spring I bought 40$ worth of miracle keep groundhogs away spray. Well, there's now way near enough miracle in that bottle to keep my faith in internet pest cures.
While we were gone he also tunneled through my perennial bed and under our garage. Aargh. Just 12 days without our faithful Dusty dog to keep watch and scare that nasty groundhog off. He doesn't come close since Dusty caught up with him one afternoon this spring. The Dusty dog grabbed that 30 lb hunk-o-rodent by the neck and shook the shit out of him. Quite a disturbing scene, causing the kids to loose their minds and run screaming through the house mom do something Dusty's gonna kill the groundhog. Shit. Blood was everywhere. That fat fuck bit my dog to get out of the death chomp and it wasn't until I too had metaphoric and literal blood on my hands that I thought rabies. Is that Dusty blood or effin groundhog blood? fuck fuck fuck damn do I need rabies shots?? On the phone with the county health department. yes ma'am, you have to assume that the groundhog could be rabid. On the phone with the vet. Well, he's up to date on his rabies shot, but he should have a booster. And antibiotics for his wounds. 95$ later, Dusty is fine, and I don't have rabies I don't think. Nevertheless, the groundhog has prevailed and wreaked his revenge whilst we waded in tide pools in Maine.
I don't like being mad. mad as in angry or mad as in crazy. take your pick
So between ground hogs and neighbors...
I give up
it's too much to keep a garden
it's too much to have a save the planet and ourselves food obsession
I'm a single mom with 3 young kids
I'm employed full time outside the house
I take care of my house, my kids, and myself, by myself
I can't do it anymore
From now on it's chicken nuggets, ramen noodles, Weaver hot wings, and Dunkin Donuts
Walmart, here I come...