"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Uphill battles

I'm so mad I could just spit

My neighbor, or maybe the guy who mows his lawn for him, chopped down my wisteria vine. Not only did he reach over the butt-ugly chain link fence to my side and hack away, he left the poor remains in my yard. Didn't even have the decency to give the beheaded vine a proper mulch or wood chipper burial. Seems like quite a fuck you. I planted that vine 2 years ago to cover the fence and give us some privacy. It grew like gang busters. Hadn't flowered yet, but I was hoping for lovely lavender clusters next spring. Whomever also chopped down these impressive annual weed-tree things which spontaneously appeared last year. I don't know what they are, but I remember them from my childhood. They grow 6 feet tall over the course of the summer, and in September show bunches of little purple berries on magenta stems. If you crush them, they stain your hands an amazing fuschia color. Anyway, mf reached over and chopped those down, too. WTF. I thought I had a nice neighborly relationship with the folks next door. Still hard to believe he gave the directive. Maybe lawnmower man took it upon himself. He's a crabby guy. It's possible. If he reappears on his riding mower on the wrong day or at the wrong time he may get a taste of the Wrath of Michelle. We'll see.

I came across my violated ornamentals while plowing through knee high grass with the push mower. Our backyard looks like a jungle. Gone for only 12 days and we come back to wild overgrowth. Grass and clover up to my knees. Oregano and cilantro bolted with beautiful white and purple flower clusters. never knew oregano flowered. The weeds have grown up like crazy between the patio flagstones. Sunflowers up to my shoulders yay

But the stupid effin groundhog who tunnels through all the backyards down the block ate all my morning glory leaves again. These are actually planted morning glories, not the rampant invasive ones. They give ginormous purple and sky blue flowers. A ton of them. If the leaves aren't eaten by a stupid effin groundhog. Those leaves must be mighty sweet cause that fat fuck did the same thing last year. This spring I bought 40$ worth of miracle keep groundhogs away spray. Well, there's now way near enough miracle in that bottle to keep my faith in internet pest cures.

While we were gone he also tunneled through my perennial bed and under our garage. Aargh. Just 12 days without our faithful Dusty dog to keep watch and scare that nasty groundhog off. He doesn't come close since Dusty caught up with him one afternoon this spring. The Dusty dog grabbed that 30 lb hunk-o-rodent by the neck and shook the shit out of him. Quite a disturbing scene, causing the kids to loose their minds and run screaming through the house mom do something Dusty's gonna kill the groundhog. Shit. Blood was everywhere. That fat fuck bit my dog to get out of the death chomp and it wasn't until I too had metaphoric and literal blood on my hands that I thought rabies. Is that Dusty blood or effin groundhog blood? fuck fuck fuck damn do I need rabies shots?? On the phone with the county health department. yes ma'am, you have to assume that the groundhog could be rabid. On the phone with the vet. Well, he's up to date on his rabies shot, but he should have a booster. And antibiotics for his wounds. 95$ later, Dusty is fine, and I don't have rabies I don't think. Nevertheless, the groundhog has prevailed and wreaked his revenge whilst we waded in tide pools in Maine.

I don't like being mad. mad as in angry or mad as in crazy. take your pick

So between ground hogs and neighbors...
I give up
it's too much to keep a garden
it's too much to have a save the planet and ourselves food obsession
I'm a single mom with 3 young kids
I'm employed full time outside the house
I take care of my house, my kids, and myself, by myself
I'm tired
I can't do it anymore
I'm done
From now on it's chicken nuggets, ramen noodles, Weaver hot wings, and Dunkin Donuts

Walmart, here I come...


  1. UGH! I feel ya!

    Isn't it better to blog than spit?

    You do the best you can and that's more than enough (and I know your kids will not be eating at Dunkin Donuts ... on a regular basis)

    and if you're literally foaming at the mouth? Blogging might not help ...

  2. I think you need to have a chat with your neighbor. That is just WRONG. Mr. Moon and I have a piece of property on a bay and our across-the-street neighbor took it upon himself to cut down the live oaks on it. Yes! We took him to court.
    And no, you will not be taking your children to Dunkin Donuts and no, you will not be doing your grocery shopping at Walmart and yes, you should be mad and yes, it made a great blog post and I am sorry that all of this is happening. I remember those single-mom days and trying to do it all.
    It's too hard somedays. It is.

  3. Walmart? You'll be baaaaack. So sorry your neighbor (or whoever) is a prick. I'm even more sorry about all the damage done by the groundhog-I had no idea they came out of their dens more than once per year, haha. Sorry-just trying to make you laugh :)

  4. see ya in aisle #4!

    (you know, this will pass...your vines will grow, your need to save the planet will flourish. But while you still have some unhealthy anger left in you, why not borrow the neighbors weed whacker, and whack off HIS whacker?)

  5. I was just cussing about rabbits myself.

    My guess is you won't give up all together, but maybe there is some middle ground.

  6. If you insist on stopping the green food organic whatsit, I can say with certainty that Puffed Cheetos and red koolaid are a great combo. But pleeeeeeeeeeeze don't resort to Wal-Mart, I beg of you. Please.

    As for the rest, well, I know. I really and truly do, and all I can say is what helped ME through some really, really touch times when the cost seemed too great: I know. It really fucking cuks, and I am sorry. And tell you that I don't know you but I love you, and remind you to breathe. It doesn't help, really, yet-it does.

  7. To all you lovely bloggy ladies:
    I'm so thankful that I can dump my shit in blogland and you all come along and hand me back gift baskets of healing laughter and healing tears.
    So good to know you're all out there.
    Thank you thank you


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.