"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Morning poo and questionable mommy judgement


Warning: total TMI post but you know that's how I roll and I expect some of you have been sitting in the same spot. on the same pot.


I gotta poop
Mom wait
I gotta poop
Mom I need to take a shower
Ty showers every day now since he developed ringworm on his neck and I told him it's from not showering frequently enough
which by the way is only minimally true
Strike 1: Manipulative Parental Dishonesty at least it's not the hair on his palms thing
I gotta poop Ty gimme five minutes
Ok
Nevermind I'll go upstairs
Ty sighs in relief good
Up the steps
I got to poop
brushy brushy brushy
Jack's brushing his teeth in the upstairs bathroom
Oh my god I gotta poop
I hear Jack finish brushing thank god but then I hear the medicine cabinet open and close
dental floss
dammit now is not the time for good oral hygiene
I gotta poop
I'm pacing like the Dusty Dog when I've forgotten to let him out
Mom I need help with my homework
Right. Mia's homework.
The homework she didn't do yesterday when we were snowed in because instead I allowed her to have a Secret Life of an American Teenager netflix marathon.
Strike 2: Questionable Parental Judgement
Honey I gotta poop
Can't I come in with you?
Honey I want privacy
But I wanna come in with you
Ok fine but you can't talk to me you have to be quiet
But what if I have a question about my homework?
Ok fine
A few questions later and Mia is done with her homework and is replaced by Ty who has finished his shower in the downstairs bathroom.
And is now standing in the upstairs bathroom.
Where I'm pooping. Finally
I love you mommy
I love you too honey
He comes over and wedges himself between me on the toilet and the bathtub and gives me a hug
Honey I'm pooping
I know mom but I love you so much
He's in love with me today because last night I caved and got him a cell phone.
He used the mom you can save the planet arguement which gets me every time even though his reasoning was completely faulty.
And he knew it.
Ball or strike? Ball
Ok honey I love you too
Then he just stands there,wedged between me and the toilet and the tub, looking at me and smiling.
Honey I need to wipe do you wanna stay or do you wanna give me some privacy?
ummm...privacy mom
Good choice

aye aye aye. waiting for strike 3



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11 comments:

  1. All This Trouble...January 13, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    This isn't giving me much hope. Right now, mine want to see it for comparison and data collection purposes. Poop scientists.

    This is about more than poop.
    You're such a good Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ms. MoonJanuary 13, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    We should name all our children "privacy" so that we can claim we have privacy in our bathrooms.
    It's the only way.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Steph(anie)January 13, 2011 at 11:25 AM

    Ha! Oh, yes, yes I have been there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MelJanuary 13, 2011 at 11:25 AM

    Thanks for the laugh and the reminder that the loss of privacy is universal. Although I admit, no one wanted to hang out in the bathroom with me, they just always need me when I'm in there.

    You are a very good mom.

    ReplyDelete
  5. RebeccaJanuary 13, 2011 at 11:46 AM

    Yep...that poop thing. Annoying when it happens when the kids are at home instead of school

    ReplyDelete
  6. tulpenJanuary 13, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    I haven't pooped in privacy in years.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2011 at 3:23 PM

    You are such a good mom.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ElizabethJanuary 14, 2011 at 3:13 AM

    It's really just unfucking believable sometimes -- the parenting thing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sarcastic BastardJanuary 14, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    I used to tell my ex-husband that you know somebody REALLY loves you if they hug you when you're sitting on the john.

    Yep.

    Have a great weekend. And I love you too.

    ReplyDelete
  10. CatJanuary 16, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  11. BethanyJanuary 17, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    this was fabulously hilarious!

    ReplyDelete

so... wadaya think?

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She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.