"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Confessions from the Beacon Satellite Chapel of the Church of the Batshit Crazy

Bless me Blogger for I have sinned.

I was weak.
I've spent the last two days in Hell. Weak in the face of Satan's Temptations.
Languishing in Dutchess County's version of Sodom and Gomorrah.

The Galleria Mall.
I almost turned into a fucking pillar of salt on my way out. Twice.

Saturday Jack was meeting up with his peeps. Posse. Friends. Whatever they're called these days.

Ty needed new clothes cause I make him wear Jack's hand me downs which is no fair and totally uncool.
he's got a point

Mia was coming down with something and didn't want to go. Which means she really wasn't feeling well.
Last time we were at the mall she was crawling out of her skin mommy i love it here so much i want to live here.

We found a space in Hell's parking lot, ventured forth into Target and our plans changed.
The Devil is sneaky and sly.
The boys met up with best friend Andrew and decided to go to Grandma's Cecile's house for nerf gun fights.
I guess Ty's new wardrobe could wait.
Mia and I were alone.
2 girls.
In the Mall.
With credit cards.

OK. Now you know I am so not girlie. And I hate shopping. I hate buying things. I hate spending money.
I would buy all my clothes at Goodwill if I could.
I try, but then the kids tell me I look like Nanny McPhee.

ah lah

So yesterday I let Mia go crazy. We gave in to all temptation and I allowed my baby to commit all manner of deadly sin.
Oh my god the squeals of delight that came out of that girl.
It was really fun. Probably the most fun I've had shopping ever.
She has Big Girl taste. Aeropostale. Wet Seal. Forever 21. Hot Topic.
Oh yeah. I am in big trouble.
She fits into a petite cause she's tall and has long monkey arms just like her mama.

We tried on clothes and I trusted her judgement of all my choices.
And she trusted my judgement of her choices.
The Universe is Abundant.

We went into The Store Filled With Insanely Insane Prom Dresses.
I was tempted to try some on and take pictures, but the owner was very nice and I thought it might insult her.
I searched Google Images for visual enhancements and nothing even came close to the shit in that store. Seriously.

Three hours later, we left with many bags full of pretty things and memories of a damn good time.

Mia was content. A miracle.

I promised the boys they could go back today. Another descent into Hell.


The sneakers I bought them in September do not fit in January.

We hit Zumiez.

Wadaya mean I spent 75$ on your last pair of sneakers? No WAY I never woulda done that

You did mom I remember

I don't remember. I would remember doing that.

You were really stressed out. That's why we asked you to go to the mall that day. Cause when you're stressed out you'll say yes to anything


I guess today I was not stressed cause the thought of spending 74 bucks on a pair of sneakers that'll be too small in 6 months
made my head wanna explode.

Oh come on mom they're OD mega fleaaness live
Whatever the fuck that means. I think it's something good.
Alright. Fine. Amy's making you spaghetti for the rest of the month. Say it!
in unison Amy's making spaghetti for the rest of the month
And the rest of the month starts Tuesday. Not today.
2 happy boys with new OD mega fleaa sneakers men's sizes 9 and 10 1/2.
And neither kid is anywhere near 90 lbs.

Jack says mom, you know what they say about guys with big feet?...they need big socks!

Jesus, Jack. I'm you're MOTHER. aye aye aye


There's a lot of stuff in malls.
Who makes all this stuff? The Chinese?
And who buys all this stuff? Dumb Americans?
Am I a dumb American?
Were these stupid-expensive sneakers manufactured in some factory where the women are working 80 hours a week for 2 dollars and don't get bathroom breaks but DO get depo provera shots so they never get pregnant and don't get their periods either?
To minimize their need for the bathroom?
i think i heard that or read it maybe i made it up i dont know.

So. Eve's choice. Knowledge of Good and Evil
or Ignorance?
I choose knowledge.
And my knowledge causes me to atone for my sneaker sin by making my kids eat spaghetti for a month.

And who makes spaghetti anyway? Is spaghetti manufactured ha manufactured food here or in China?
Is the wheat grown here then shipped to China and made into spaghetti then shipped back to Target?

See? This is my Hell. It is of my own making.

Bless me Blogger for I have sinned.



  1. Sometimes, Mama, it's good to splurge. Your babies making you happy, and you making your babies happy -you need that, all of you. Every now and then, sometimes you have to throw it to the wind and just say Yes, you can have that.

    (And since I'm no mother, you should listen to me)

    But I believe it. You sound happy.

  2. Te absolvo, my dear friend, e nomine patri, et filii and The Goddess, too, and if you're strong enough you can even forgive yourself, which is even better.

    I don't have the girl thing to deal with, but I survived boys, who were both too tall and too big and too cool to love Goodwill as I did. The last sneakers I bought Dylan this summer were (I am not making this up) ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. He wears (I am not making this up) size 14 shoes. (Which, also means, I suppose, that he wears really big socks (!)). They're hard to find, they're probably made by poor women and children in China, they cost a lot of money and I HATE shopping for them.

    So I can't give you a penance without accepting it for myself. I think we should both do an hour of quiet meditation, reflecting on the madness of the world and what small things we can do to make positive change. Be the best you can, and talk about everything. You may still pay a hundred bucks for sneakers, but your kids are going to be just fine. I promise.

    In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Goddess and of everything we hold sacred no matter how we put the metaphysical into language. The Holy Ones don't need our petty human descriptors. They get it.

    I send you love and light. And P.S.: I'm grateful for your presence on this planet.

  3. Shitfire- you made the kids happy and that's a miracle. This IS the world we live in. My Old Navy Green T-shirt that girls make who have had their feet cut off? - the seams are splitting apart and the shirt is too big for me so it's not my fault.
    Oh, Michelle- this life is too complex and sometimes you have to go to the mall and buy SHIT to make your babies happy.
    That's all there is to it.
    I love you so much.

  4. You're absolved. I've decided to become a priestess, and I absolve you.

  5. I hate the mall, but I do love to spend money. Some of my absolute best memories of growing up are days like that out with my mom.

    I prefer the pasta made in Italy, myself. I buy it at Costco and it is more al dente.

    It sort of freaks me out that your boys are so much older than mine, but mine weighs more than yours... we have to get this under control.

  6. hahahah, I have sinned at Zumiez many times. I feel exactly the same as you about the shopping and the origin of the items and even he girly things.

    But then, sometimes a mall run helps make it easier for the child be in the world...

  7. It's funny. I always purge my sins on blogger too. And it doesn't really help. It only makes my shame more public. That provera thing - you SHOCK me and then you say you may have made it up. That's funny. I hope you did. Because that would be awful.

  8. I love this post for so many reasons, and I think we may have even passed you on the road for session two in hell. I feel nauseous even thinking about spending that much time there. I hope that spaghetti comes with a big glass of cheap red wine. xxxxx

  9. I feel your pain. I've whined about the cost of athletic footwear (because duh, they are not gym shoes or tennis shoes anymore, and they are completely specialized by the sport you fantsize playing)more times than I can remember. I think 50 bucks is too much to spend on shoes, so the 100 dollar nike du jours just freak me out. And their feet keep growing. Your boys have some pretty big socks for their size! My boy had size 12 shoes and my daughter has 9 1/2 and I still am getting used to the idea. I make them shop on line and find the best deal because our mall is sucky and scary, and the good one is too far away for me. My boy says he's gotta look fly. Which cracks me up.
    His new nikes are mostly white with gray and red accents and they do look nice. But his wardrobe costs more than mine, how the heck did that happen? And yes, who the heck is making these things and who is getting rich on their backs? These are things that concern me.
    But sometimes you just gotta buy your kids their shoes and clothes, it's not like we know how to cobble things together, right?
    Hugs to you and hang in there. Glad you enjoyed your mall time, try not to feel like shit about it.

    I was going to bitch my own blog post about this, but at the Jewel grocery store, all the ground beef said product of us, canada, argentina, australia, new zealand and uraguay. WTF? I thought we had a thriving cattle industry right here in America. I couldn't buy it. I'm going to have to go to the farm down the road and buy my own cow. So I'll know where it's been and be sure it's not more well travelled than me!


  10. I went to the mall two weekends ago with my boys and my Aspbergers cousin. We went to the Lego store and left right afterward.

    I could have wept. I wanted to splurge and do what you and Mia did so very badly.

    So,yes, sometimes you need to buy dumb shit. Sometimes it helps. It's okay.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.