"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Confessions from the Beacon Satellite Chapel of the Church of the Batshit Crazy
Bless me Blogger for I have sinned.
I was weak.
I've spent the last two days in Hell. Weak in the face of Satan's Temptations.
Languishing in Dutchess County's version of Sodom and Gomorrah.
The Galleria Mall.
I almost turned into a fucking pillar of salt on my way out. Twice.
Saturday Jack was meeting up with his peeps. Posse. Friends. Whatever they're called these days.
Ty needed new clothes cause I make him wear Jack's hand me downs which is no fair and totally uncool.
he's got a point
Mia was coming down with something and didn't want to go. Which means she really wasn't feeling well.
Last time we were at the mall she was crawling out of her skin mommy i love it here so much i want to live here.
We found a space in Hell's parking lot, ventured forth into Target and our plans changed.
The Devil is sneaky and sly.
The boys met up with best friend Andrew and decided to go to Grandma's Cecile's house for nerf gun fights.
I guess Ty's new wardrobe could wait.
Mia and I were alone.
In the Mall.
With credit cards.
OK. Now you know I am sonot girlie. And I hate shopping. I hate buying things. I hate spending money.
I would buy all my clothes at Goodwill if I could.
I try, but then the kids tell me I look like Nanny McPhee.
So yesterday I let Mia go crazy. We gave in to all temptation and I allowed my baby to commit all manner of deadly sin.
Oh my god the squeals of delight that came out of that girl.
It was really fun. Probably the most fun I've had shopping ever.
She has Big Girl taste. Aeropostale. Wet Seal. Forever 21. Hot Topic.
Oh yeah. I am in big trouble.
She fits into a petite cause she's tall and has long monkey arms just like her mama.
We tried on clothes and I trusted her judgement of all my choices.
And she trusted my judgement of her choices.
The Universe is Abundant.
We went into The Store Filled With Insanely Insane Prom Dresses.
I was tempted to try some on and take pictures, but the owner was very nice and I thought it might insult her.
I searched Google Images for visual enhancements and nothing even came close to the shit in that store. Seriously.
Three hours later, we left with many bags full of pretty things and memories of a damn good time.
Mia was content. A miracle.
I promised the boys they could go back today. Another descent into Hell.
The sneakers I bought them in September do not fit in January.
We hit Zumiez.
Wadaya mean I spent 75$ on your last pair of sneakers? No WAY I never woulda done that
You did mom I remember
I don't remember. I would remember doing that.
You were really stressed out. That's why we asked you to go to the mall that day. Cause when you're stressed out you'll say yes to anything
I guess today I was not stressed cause the thought of spending 74 bucks on a pair of sneakers that'll be too small in 6 months
made my head wanna explode.
Oh come on mom they're OD mega fleaaness live Whatever the fuck that means. I think it's something good. Alright. Fine. Amy's making you spaghetti for the rest of the month. Say it! in unisonAmy's making spaghetti for the rest of the month Fine And the rest of the month starts Tuesday.Not today. 2 happy boys with new OD mega fleaa sneakers men's sizes 9 and 10 1/2.
And neither kid is anywhere near 90 lbs.
Jack says mom, you know what they say about guys with big feet?...they need bigsocks!
Jesus, Jack. I'm you're MOTHER.aye aye aye
There's a lot of stuff in malls.
Who makes all this stuff? The Chinese?
And who buys all this stuff? Dumb Americans?
Am I a dumb American?
Were these stupid-expensive sneakers manufactured in some factory where the women are working 80 hours a week for 2 dollars and don't get bathroom breaks but DO get depo provera shots so they never get pregnant and don't get their periods either?
To minimize their need for the bathroom?
i think i heard that or read it maybe i made it up i dont know.
So. Eve's choice. Knowledge of Good and Evil
I choose knowledge.
And my knowledge causes me to atone for my sneaker sin by making my kids eat spaghetti for a month.
And who makes spaghetti anyway? Is spaghetti manufactured ha manufactured food here or in China?
Is the wheat grown here then shipped to China and made into spaghetti then shipped back to Target?
"it occurred to me that the only real sin you can commit as a mother is to deny your children's right to be who they are and what they want to be and that the only real sin you can commit against yourself is to deny who you truly are and prevent yourself from being who that is"