"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Friday, June 12, 2009

friday fragments

So I'm kinda diggin this fragmented friday thang, thanks to Mrs. 4444. Since I do a long day at work, it's an easy way to post. Easy as in convenient
not lazy.

Evidence of parental neglect:

But mommy, WHY can't you come with us? You're not going to do ANYTHING at home. You're just going to sit and blog your bloggy blog.  Mia age 7

Ty: Mom, what are you doing?
Me: Washing out the bathtub.
Ty: Washing the bathtub??? With what??
Me: With bathtub washer stuff.
Ty: Oh... totally bewildered
yeah, he's never seen me clean the bathtub before. 
He's 8. So sad

Me: Sorry, honey. I got dirt on your review sheets.
Jack: A lot of dirt?
Me: Not so bad... just dirty fingerprints
Jack: Er...umm... looks kinda ghetto, mom.
Me: Just tell them I was gardening while I was helping you study. That's SO NOT ghetto.
Jack: Uhh... yeah, it's just really dorky.

I am Oz the Great and Powerful, who are you?

So after the landscaper guy down the block twice hawked at me 'what about those hedges?' I got to it.  Why pay him when I can do it myself? I don't need a man. I can handle power tools. I built my own chicken coop. I am woman hear me roar. Armed with my power hedge clipper I proceeded to clipper right through the extension cord, sustaining a lovely 1oo amp jolt. Fine, I've got another cord. Clippered right thru that one too. Ouch. hmmpf... didn't want to shape my hedges anyway...

My potty-mouthed disrespectful children:

so this is what I overhear before going in to kiss the boys goodnight-
Ty: My friend said one time Teacher leaned over, and her butt was in his face and it smelled like cheese doodles.
Jack: Why was he sniffing the teacher's butt? Probably gets high off of teacher cheese doodle ass. giggle giggle giggle gasp giggle giggle
Lovely... charming... the NASTY 8 & 11yr olds rolling around in their bunk beds trying not to poop on themselves they're laughing so hard.

Jack: I called Mr. Teacher a fat, annoying, lazy, fat, bad-teaching, slime-sucking, son of a motherless goat.
Ty: You called him that to his face?
Jack: No, but we had 'free journal' today and I expressed myself.

Saving grace:

Mrs.4444 wrote about saving rocks. How about body parts? I have 27 teeth hidden in my jewelry box, and 3 shriveled umbilical stumps that look like they should be sprinkled on my morning cereal or baked into muffins or something. 
What have you saved?


  1. I save umblical stumps too! When my daughter Lily got pregnant, I snipped a tiny piece of hers and put it in a silver locket for her to wear along with a picture of herself as a child.
    I thought I was the only crazy person who did things like this.
    I also save teeth and now I have no idea whose they are. Well, they belong to my children, but beyond that....

  2. Oh holy moley I'm laughing so hard. Bloggy blog? And your kids' expressiveness? OMG - wonderful!

    I was just going to blog about the power of power tools and how we must teach our daughters well ... but yours is much funnier! :)

    (PS - sorry if I comment repeatedly - my computer doesn't like Blogger anymore and has a hard time interacting with it.)

  3. Friday Fragments are perfect for you, Michelle--You are brilliantly funny. OMG, I have so not saved teeth, umbilical stumps, or the first poops or anything like that. And I thought I was a good mother...

    I love your kids' free spirits, too. And the cleaning the tub thing? I can totally picture his confusion; why would anyone have to clean a tub that's been used to clean people? Duh. Way too funny.

    As for the hedge trimming, maybe you should get a cordless? (This fragment is so far in the running for my Favorite this week :)

  4. I,too, have chords and teeth!
    and baby hospital bracelets
    and a tiny cowboy that was on top of a first birthday cake

    I also save hamsters lives

  5. Um, I don't save anything. I don't save first drawings, first locks of hair, teeth, nothing. I save Sam's rocks, and that's about it. I suck.

  6. Your son "expressed" himself in his school journal? Oh dear! Hahahahaha.....

    Oh my gosh - your boys are too funny. I would have been torn between punishment for the rude language or laughing hysterically behind my bedroom door (the laughing side of me probably would have won)!

    Oooh - I did that once - clipped right through the extension cord with the hedge clippers. I had a few other close calls before accepting the fact that I'm too clumsy to be holding a dangerous power tool (but I'm sure you're going to do a lot better on your next try - you put a chicken coop together after all! - That's awesome!). ;)

  7. LMAO!! Ew, wait. you SAVED the umbilical stumps??? yeah, couldn't do it :). my oldest has swallowed most all her teeth she's lost. I used to save my gum for weeks on end when i was a kid - just put it on my bed post night after night and kept chewing it the next day. So gross, I know... and I'm talking smack about your umbilical cords???? Yeah, I got no room to talk.
    Anyway, this was funny. Love the Friday Fragments!

  8. All you ladies are CRACKING ME UP!!!

    Ms. Moon-that's a lovely gift. Quite a symbol of the amazing continuum- mother to daughter, grandmother to mother

    Nola- yeah... those kids of mine are a TRIP

    Mrs. 4444-first poops... hmmm... a friend suggested I stick to manual clippers and skip the electronic devices altogether

    Laura-hooray for hamsters!

    Kori-You SO do not suck! Rocks are good. Ask Mrs. 4444

    Tranquility- I'm pretty sure the journal is private. At least Jack thinks so. Those boys of mine know when it appropriate to be inappropriate... it's kinda like indoor voices and outdoor voices.

    Alicia- I'll think of you as Violet Beauregard from now on.

  9. oh michelle. you are shining!

    i threw out the first umbilical stump because i didn't understand why something that should be sprinkled on my morning cereal or baked into muffins was, instead, in my bed


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.