"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Arbitrary Food Rules Fuel Our Own Black Friday

So although I just wanted to stay holed up on Black Friday, by lunchtime the kids were climbing the walls and driving me crazy. We needed some fresh air and exercise to exorcize the cabin fever demons which had taken possession of my angels.

So off to one of my favorite places to get our ya-yas out. The Hudson River. It was cloudy and cold and damn
it felt like it was gonna snow. We took the dog and romped through the woods and along the shoreline.

OK. So my kids are SICK TO DEATH of hikes. And walks with the dog. And the Hudson. We can't understand how they can be BORED on such lovely strolls and they can't understand why we don't take them to Chucky Cheese instead.

So I bribed them. First we're going on a walk. groan. Then we'll go to McDonald's gasp for lunch and we'll see Up at the 2$ theater.
YAY!!!... AWESOME!!!... COME ON LET'S GO!!!

Bribery. Works every time.

They needed the romp. It was cold and blustery, but we walked along the shore of the clean Hudson, and Dusty romped in the water and the kids breathed in fresh air.





crazy kids
Ty's behind the camera
again



Ty and the Dusty Dog


Eventually we got cold and hungry. So we took Dusty back home and began our descent into Hades.

If you were a fly stuck in the rotten chocolate milk in my minivan, this is what you would have heard:

Mom can you get Frosted Flakes? Cause they're part a nutritious breakfast.
Jack, you're a smart boy. Why are you listening to a cartoon tiger?
But cereal's easy. Otherwise I won't eat breakfast.
I don't know Jack... the only reason it's part of a complete breakfast is because of the oj and milk and sliced bananas and toast in the picture. You'll never see a dry bowl of frosted flakes and hear it called a complete breakfast. I have to think about it...
Mia pipes in Ok so if you won't buy Frosted Flakes how 'bout Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops?
Or Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs. Ty's vote.

Talk about a tag team ambush. Are you fucking kidding me? Damn, those kids know how to break me down. They see a little crack in the armor and a glimpse of junk food light and BAM they're on it like the cold blooded scavengers they are. Honestly.

Then they spin into their own discussion regarding the perils and pitfalls of American breakfast cereals.
When Finny ate Fruit Loops he pooped green and blue.
No, it was Fruity Pebbles. And he pooped purple.
No it wasn't
Yes it was
No it wasn't

shoot me


before


As I sit here trying to digest my own quarter pound of antibiotic filled corn fed knee deep in cow shit factory farmed cheese burger I'm thinking maybe we'll skip Up at the 2$ theater and I'll take them home and make them watch "Supersize Me".
I have visions of A Clockwork Orange and a box of toothpicks.

I watch Mia put a glob of ketchup in her mouth and watch her wash it down with a gulp of Coke. She says What? It's sweet and salty and delicious.
She has a very sophisticated palate.

I knew I should have popped a Pepcid AC before we left.

Mom look at that. Mia's pointing to a chicken nugget that's lost its crust. It doesn't even look like chicken.
I give her my best one eyebrow raised tell me something I don't already know look and say yeah that's why they batter them so you can't see what you're eating.
She gives me her best gagging and now there's vomit in my mouth impression.
Ty says yeah they use the breasts of old chickens who can't even lay eggs any more. Cause chickens that can't lay anymore have REALLY BIG BREASTS. No I'm serious they really do.
He says this as he's scarfing his quarter pounder with cheese. I couldn't hear his thoughts on the origins of beef patties cause his mouth was too full.


after


So the minute they walk out of Mickey D's they start bickering.
I say if you guys don't cut it out I'm gonna make you go back in there and eat more junk cause its the only time you've been quiet all day.
And they say in their oh so sarcastic way No not more junk food oooh you evil mommy. Not more Hi C. Not more hot apple pies.

Harumph. Wise ass kids


they look pretty healthy...
...right?


19 comments:

  1. They are adorable. I wonder where they get their smart-ass ways? No clue... :)

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  2. Wise ass kids.. and absolutely beautiful! Sounds like a fantastic day!

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  3. Funny, oh so funny. I've regretted many a McDonalds outing after the fact.

    My parents never let us eat sugary cereal, so when I went away to college, I bought that shit right up. Like I was so hard-core rebellious.

    I think the first box was Oreo. Yes, Oreo breakfast cereal.

    I wish I could romp by the Hudson. Looks gorgeous.

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  4. It's all about balance and I do believe you achieve that. Look at those beautiful kids! Look at that beautiful mother! You!
    I adore you.

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  5. I vote for the Lucky Charms... still one of my guilty pleasures!

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  6. They ARE beautiful! Stay strong on the cereal-front - that mess should be outlawed.

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  7. I think you may the most beautiful family I have EVER seen.

    We have stupid cereals, only for the weekend. And tomorrow we're going to McDonalds for the plaything so May and I get some peace to chat, and my kids will scrunch up their noses at the fries, and refuse to eat anything but the cherry tomatoes, the chunk of fresh pineapple, and a couple of nuggets. And they'll drink water. McD's have caved to the parent lobby in Belgium. Hurray!

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  8. Love the McDonald's story. Reminds me of when I took my kids to McDonald's recently. It has a play land and the kids HAVE to eat first, then they get to play. I just imagined what the conversation sounded like...

    Me: Eat this (healthy, nutritious) lunch FIRST, then you can go play.

    Kids: I wanna play.

    Me: You have to eat a good lunch FIRST.

    ....This goes on and on.

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  9. It is all about balance, as Ms Moon said, and I have no idea how I'll handle all those food challenges of childhood when I become a Mom.

    I know sometimes all I want in the world is a McChicken from the dollar menu, and then I feel so guilty afterward :( What is with us Americans and our guilt, anyway? Sigh.

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  10. Your kids are so beautiful and so very funny smart! I lost the healthy food battle a while ago, but decided I survived a childhood rife with tv dinners, bologna, hot dogs, marshmallows and kool aid. They invented artificial food when I was a kid, we just ate it up! I'm hoping they develop a taste for veggies and whole grains later like I did.
    Your description of the hamburger was the funniest thing I've read in days.
    What would we do with our spare time if we had no mom worries or guilt? We'll never know....

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  11. I secretly love McDonald's. If we are going to eat junk food, mind, it is going to BE junk food. And sorry, apples at McDonald's instead of fries? Puh-leaze. But we don't go there very often, maybe two or three times a YEAR, so I don't feel bad about it. And my kids act like yours did when we DO go, like it is just right up there with the second coming in terms of importance. I just roll my eyes.

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  12. Well, at least you made them walk?

    You had me giggling through this entire post. I'm with you, girl!

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  13. Your kids are adorable, Michelle. Sounds like it was a good day to me.

    Love you!

    SB

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  14. I think they'll live. If nothing else, their smashing good looks will compensate for any damage done to their arteries :-P

    I rented Up this weekend... cried at least 3 times. Great movie.

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  15. We don't eat fast food at our house, but at the girls' dad's house it's a mcdonalds extravaganza. I'm afraid they're going to tell their poor abused baby brother about it someday and he's going to hate us for not letting him have it. Oh well. We make our beds.

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  16. I am a total hypocrite when it comes to eating. I absolutely detest fast food until I'm hungry and then I want it fast. Shameful.

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  17. Oh wait, were there WORDS in that post? I was too distracted by the beautiful pictures. Your kids are frighteningly lovely and you, my dear, are GORGEOUS!!!!

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so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.