"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Fragments

Friday Fragments
courtesy of Mrs. 4444




frag rant frag rant frag rant frag fant rag fant rant frag hag bag sag
it's been that kind of week


H
ow is it that I can spend a whole chunk of a Sunday folding a zillion jumbo loads of laundry that have been clean for a week and still have more laundry to fold at the end of the day? And how is it that I never feel like I've got a grip on anything in the Suzy Homemaker Arena? And how is it that I keep complaining about the same things over and over again. And how is it that you all are not SICK TO DEATH of hearing it? You probably are. I'm sick to death of hearing myself. As are my kids. Aargh

While tripping through blogland I stumbled upon a "rate your blog" thingy. I put my URL in and came up rated R. Ha. Not a surprise. I used the F word a few times, the Sh word a bunch, the butt word starting with "a", and the word "dead". Rated R. For Rampantly potty mouthed. Which I definitely am. Especially in the privacy of my own home. Wanna hear the dirty words I use most frequently?
sensitive souls may want to scroll down because there are A LOT of dirty words in my house
baseboards
corners
shower stalls
grout
window sills
closets
radiators
molding
or moulding
not to be confused with moldy
or mouldy
both of which I have plenty
either around doorways and windows
or in the vegetable bin of my refrigerator

I could go on. I'm a dirty mouthed mama. I'm very creative with dirty words at home. I could spew a litany of dirty words that would make Sarcastic Bastard blush. We giggle over the new ways I come up with to keep things dirty. It's a gift, you know.

I'm supposedly pretty smart. Whatever. But I frequently have cause to stay humble and question my own intelligence. Sometimes it takes SO LONG for me to get it. Like when I had breast feeding babies. Breast feeding babies are super duper poopy babies. Up the back down the legs poopy babies. For almost 7 years straight one or the other of my kids was a super duper poopy breast feeding baby. Back then, we used to all gather at my folks house on Saturdays and hang out and laugh and eat. It was lots of fun. But inevitably one of my babies would go home wrapped up in a t shirt either belonging to my dad or my teen aged nephew. Cause I NEVER packed a change of clothes. Ever. You'd think after one poop covered baby going home wrapped in Gramps' old Hanes tee, next time I'd be prepared. Nope. No change of clothes. Ever. 7 years later my mom and my sisters would just look at me blankly as I mumbled to myself I didn't bring a change of clothes. When it got to the point there were no more old t shirts, I'd wrap them in one of my mom's dishtowels.

The other day I realized the same process was going on in my mad cow brain riddled head concerning the dog. The dog used to chew things. A lot. Mostly cookbooks. Now he's very good at controlling himself and will only chew a tiny edge of something when he's alone and really stressed out. His favorite thing to chew is the corner of the couch pillow. So he's been giving this pillow a nibble now and then for a while. Now the hole is big enough that down poofs out all over the floor anytime you sit on the couch. Whenever I come home and see down and fluff around I say poor Dusty... he must have been upset... he's so good at controlling himself... he didn't rip the couch to shreds. It finally occurred to me that if I sewed up the hole, he wouldn't be tempted to keep chewing it. For a year I've looked at that hole getting bigger and bigger and more and more feathers on the living room floor and yesterday I realized all I have to do is sew up the damn hole.

I'm an idiot. An optimistic idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.

You ever feel like you're wasting time? Wasting your life? Like you should be doing something more important? I get that feeling a lot. It used to devastate me and cloud my vision. I still think I should be doing more. Especially when I come upon a blog like this. At least now I can just ponder it and dream of possible alternatives without plunging into darkness. Maybe someday. Maybe it never feels like enough...

So glad to know I'm not the only one in NO WAY interested in the Christmas Spirit. Yet. Maybe never. But still, it's not even Thanksgiving. Some very funny anti-Christmas Spirit out there. Of course the angelic Ms. Moon. And Kristi. Funny stuff.

OK. Sewed up the holes. My couch looks like the Bride of Frankenstein. But at least there are no couch guts on the floor. What a life...

Happy Friday!



16 comments:

  1. Oh, that list of dirty words! :o)

    Happy FF and Turkey Day!!

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  2. I completely feel like I'm wasting my life. I had so much potential 10 years ago, and now I'm a single mom in a dead end job living with my mother. But I'm trying to at least fix the job situation... in the worst economy since I've been alive, but I'm trying!

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  3. And happy Friday to you! I'm just as dirty as you, in both senses. And while I do get the feeling I should be doing something more important, I'm starting to believe more and more that the business of life, of loving and caring and being with those you love is really the most important, and I'm letting go of the other stuff. Or at least reconsidering what is on my important list. x

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  4. Great blog post. Good for you for sewing the hole and being so forgiving to your little dog. My rabbit just recently chewed the couch like a child eating birthday cake, and no amount o sewing will fix it. You sound like you're doing great to me. Give yourself a break. And thanks for the laugh.

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  5. Fucking wonderful. Absofucking wonderful.
    Oh Michelle- I feel like we must be sisters or you're my daughter or something. I swear, if it was only me here, the house would fall down around me. I feel so powerless against the forces of chaos.
    I love you.

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  6. Love the rating. I got an R too. Guess you can't use the word wiener daily and get a PG rating!!

    Hallie :)

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  7. Happy Friday to you too, every day feels fragmented to me lately! I'm a mess, a complete chaotic mess, and hear you - I can be pretty stoopid for a smart chick. Some things take a while (never!) to sink in, but thank goodness you figured out the feather problem, see you are smart! And you still have your optimism, hooray!
    Dear lord do I hate housework. Teenagers, a furry, slobbery dog and my creaky body have conspired against me. I just know I should be doing something more important than deciding cold or warm wash, or remembering if the dish in my hand is clean or dirty. Yes, Ms. Moon, chaos wins. Sigh....
    Sometimes a cuss word is the only appropriate choice, especially in the face of actual dirt.

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  8. What a fucktastic post this was... and I'm totally NOT saying that just because you linked me and said I was funny. Although, you need to know that telling me I am funny is like giving crack to a whore... I'll come to expect it on a regular basis.

    Ok, so about this wasting your life thing? I've got that too... but I'm idiotically optimistic as well. I'm just sure that one day I'll break free of the gilded cage in which I exist and fly free. I'll be sure and let you know the second that happens.

    Love,
    K

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  9. OH, this made me so very, very happy. Reading my mind throughout. I cuss too much, clean too little, and lose IQ points by the second. I called a friend, and two rings in, totally forgot who I called. I lose my keys so often that I put them on a lanyard and I now look like a camp counselor.

    I could go on and on. Thank you for being a funny writer who shares her dirty laundry. (Sorry--couldn't help myself.)

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  10. Oooh, I wish you had the link for that "rate my blog" thing! How funny! I wonder what my blog would get...

    ~Elizabeth
    http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com

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  11. Suzie Homemaker.....my idol. ha haha

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  12. I have the same never-ending mound of laundry hanging over my head, too. It's a black hole, I tellya! ;)

    I need to spice up my blog a bit, since I got the G rating. I'm more R in real life, so why hide it? ;)

    I wish the chewing our dogs have done could be mended with a Bride of Frankenstein theme...but alas, their chewing on the chair rungs of the dining room chairs will take a lot of work. So I hide them under chair covers. Shhhh! ;)

    Glad to know I'm not the only optimistic idiot in the world. ;)

    Happy FF! :)

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  13. LOL! You weren't kidding about being a potty mouth! How funny we both posted about this today. Strange world...kindred potty-mouthed spirits? heehee

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  14. Inspired by you, I could write a very trashy novel.

    We're all doing the best we can. You are amazing and wonderful. That family you linked to is amazing and wonderful, too. (Besides, you can SEW! I'll bet she can't. haha)

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  15. My blog was rated G, which pissed me off. I didn't even get a PG. Ugh!

    I'm kinda sorta smart and yet I'm so stupid about the most obvious things. Oh well.

    ReplyDelete

so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.