I need to understand.
How is it that these days oral sex is not considered SEX???
Maybe a young-ish blogger can bridge the generation gap so I can understand.
Or maybe a blogger who works with adolescents understands and can explain it to me.
Cause I don't understand.
I have a patient here we go again who is about to turn 14. And she's performing oral sex on random boys who are just friends. But it doesnt count as sex. And all her friends are doing it. I've taken a poll of the pediatricians and they all say the same thing.
Yeah, kids don't think of it as sex.
Drowning Turkey Stance
I've already had conversations with my patient. I've reminded her and others that the only thing you don't get from oral sex is pregnant. Everything else you can get. Herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV. I remind them that some can be treated, and some cannot.
Do they really want to take that risk?
The girls won't use condoms
cause the boys don't like it that way.
Of course they don't.
And being that they're teenagers, their brains are physiologically unable to consider that they are vulnerable. They are human. They are not invincible.
It can happen to them.
So this patient heard something about one of the boys she had serviced, and went into a typical adolescent freak out that she may have caught something from him.
She came in for testing.
And I went through my spiel again. And I saw it go in one ear and out the other.
aye aye aye
I'm not super up tight. I've had my share of pre-marital sex and multiple partners. But it was never casual. Serial monogamy. And admittedly not always safe. honestly that's really hard to achieve. But in my book, any kind of contact with a penis is...SEX... how can it be nothing? How can it mean nothing?
It's not borrowing a pencil, or sharing a Cherry Coke.
It's a PENIS.
And you know, it's not reciprocal. That's the general understanding we have from our patients. Boys and girls. Girls go down, boys do not. And boys don't call. Or acknowledge. But I'm sure they talk. They usually do.
So I have to believe that it's the same age old story. Girls putting out to feel acceptance, to feel special, or to have a boy like them.
I need to understand. Not as a health care provider. I've been dealing with this for a long time at work. But now my kids are getting older. And I have a daughter. I need to understand. As a mother.
It's kind of yucky to imagine my daughter and her friends coming up and thinking random oral sex is OK. Or no biggie. Or not sex. That it doesn't count.
Cause if it's not sex, when does No mean No?
I think that's the part that scares me the most.
I talk to my kids. Jack is 12. We've talked. He's now at the age where he feels more comfortable talking to his father. And they TALK. Bruce answers all his questions, and clarifies confusion. Explicitly. And gives him a good dose of ethics and morals and what constitutes respectful and responsible sexual behavior.
When Ty and Mia start asking the questions we'll talk with them too.
But still... peer group has such power...
Do I sound like a prude? I probably do. I probably am.
I just don't get it.
Can someone please explain?