still playing catch up
still a little behind schedule
blogland was where I really wanted to be all week
but Christmas called...
go visit Mrs 4444
tell her Michelle made you late
This week's fragments consist of all the "almost" posts that never quite came to a boil over the last two weeks
things I wrote on line at Walmart
things I wrote on line at Target
on line at Stop N Shop
or sitting in the minivan in the Home Depot parking lot
Sunday
I actually made a list and checked it twice. I plotted out a schedule mon - thurs and all the things I have to get done. In nice neat rows. All organized-like.
Some of you are probably like ...so ... does she want a medal?
Fuck yeah!
For me this is a big deal cause I deliberately keep our lives as simple as possible
Cause I'm not a fucking circus clown goddammit and I HATE juggling. The last time I had a "schedule" I was in grad school. A VERY long time ago. And can I tell you something about schedules? THEY WORK!!! When I laid every thing out in front of me I realized it wasn't so bad at all...
Cause I'm not a fucking circus clown goddammit and I HATE juggling. The last time I had a "schedule" I was in grad school. A VERY long time ago. And can I tell you something about schedules? THEY WORK!!! When I laid every thing out in front of me I realized it wasn't so bad at all...
Monday
I got everything crossed off. Check. Check. Check. What a sense of accomplishment! Hosting Christmas? fa la la this was gonna be easy peasy...
Tuesday
I am NOT ONE OF SANTA'S fucking HELPERS! My grinchy grinch feet hurt. And just when I decided to treat myself to a new pair of uggs the pipes backed up again. I threw a load of laundry in while I was making breakfast and soon smelled that smell. Ty was brushing his teeth ..mom???... the drain in the bathroom???... it smells again...I ventured down into the basement which had morphed into the laBrea tar pits. A pond of thick black stinky stuff was all backed up out of my 116 year old pipes. Fuck me. So. Called the guy with the really long snake. An hour later my new uggs and $216 were circling the freshly snaked drain. And that shit wasn't even on my list to give me the satisfaction of crossing it off...
Wednesday
And then coming out of the bedroom I kicked my
most favorite rechargeable handheld device
down the steps. Noooooo I cried in slow mo watching my day spiral down the newly snaked drain...
Thank my lucky stars it came to a clattering stop at the first landing.
Thank my lucky stars it came to a clattering stop at the first landing.
I use that thing every day. Sometimes 3 times a day. Except the days I'm at work cause by the time I get home I'm just too tired.
But man, what if it's cracked? Will it still work?
Will it get the job done?
How will I get through the holidays without it? And the last thing I want to do is drag my kids out to shop for a replacement...
All these thoughts raced through my mind as I ran down the steps to assess the damage.
How will I get through the holidays without it? And the last thing I want to do is drag my kids out to shop for a replacement...
All these thoughts raced through my mind as I ran down the steps to assess the damage.
Flip the switch...
Music to my ears...the reassuring hum... the weight of it in my hand...
Dustbuster. This girl's best friend.
Music to my ears...the reassuring hum... the weight of it in my hand...
Dustbuster. This girl's best friend.
Christmas Eve Morning
I'm trying to cultivate a serene holiday vibe. Cooking. Decorating. I have our iPod Christmas playlist going. But I also have 4 loud boys in the house. With Nerf guns. Fake rifles. Pow Pow Pow 4 boys running through the house, pounding up and down the steps, slamming doors, shooting guns, barking military commands. All to the tune of "Oh Holy Night". I feel like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now...
Christmas Eve evening
My sister calls. Mommy's going to the emergency room. She's not feeling well. She thinks her potassium is high...
My first reaction is to laugh out loud
maybe a little inappropriate
But damn! It's Christmas Eve! And high potassium doesn't feel like anything until it's high enough to short out your heart. So WTF? Honestly. I think she does it for attention. Kinda sick huh? When I tell Bruce he says umm... Chica?... have you noticed she does this every holiday... I don't want to sound critical or anything, but she does this every holiday...
I laugh out loud again yeah, Bruce, I've noticed.
I wonder if they're gonna admit her. She was really sick last time. I wonder if it's gonna fuck all 17 of us up for Christmas.
I wonder if she's really sick this time.
What I realized over the last two weeks is that I work best under pressure. And something crazy like hosting our family's Christmas isn't so crazy at all. The house is really clean well sort of. The decorations look good. And I didn't get all tense and crabby. The clog didn't put me over the edge. The pow pow pow in my kitchen didn't put me over the edge. And the possibility that my mom would be hospitalized on Christmas Eve didn't put me over the edge.
It was actually kinda nice.
And my mom was here on Christmas day in all her glory.
You DO deserve a medal. Or a tiara. Or a ruby ring. Or something of great and lovely value.
ReplyDeleteAnd my mom used to do that too- EVERY Christmas. Now, she's just happy to be alive I think and doesn't need to get sick.
But for so many years she did.
We had a 55 year old house and actually had to have our front yard dug up all the way down to the rustic old pipes dug out and new PVC ones laid down....I think they were made of clay or something......Anyway, our basement drain would start gurgling and that's when we knew we'd have about 3 days before it would bubble up out of the drain. We'd only get a little puddle but it was still a pain. We eventually had to have someone snake it out (though snake doesn't do it justice...it was a HUGE machine that had a big motor and it dug out EVERYTHING) and then run a camera through it..........ANYWAY after getting the new pipes, we didn't have any more problems. The good news is that we only had to pay for the snake and camera ($300) but the new pipes and re-seeding our lawn was covered through the city we lived in. Which was amazingly wonderful as it would have cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $3,000
ReplyDeleteThanks for the ending because you know I was dying to know if your mom made it or not. I'm sure she doesn't even realize she does it every holiday.
ReplyDeleteMY friday fragments...
ReplyDeletei guess that 'rechargable hand held device' bit was supposed to be a teaser...i assumed you were talking about your blackberry.
mommy in the emergency room. HELL yeah. every holiday. i feel relatively certain she is as aware of it as we are.
i'm STILL glad she is fine.
christmas was awesome. i vomitted christmas eve and christmas eve eve, because, unlike you(?), i AM my mother's daughter. but it was sooo far beyond what i expected.
it was awesome. thanks for hosting.
i secretly hope this comment gives one of your followers a clue(if she has yet to receive it) that i am your sister, and hence, have a hair of wiggle room when i talk about black folks or addiction or medicaid.
humph.
it was awesome.
Personally, I think you've earned more than just A medal. More like a boat-load. I'm impressed with your patience. And I love your sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteOf course she was (your mom, at your house on Christmas morning.)
ReplyDeleteI had to go add that dustbuster fragment to my favorites today :)
I also loved this little tangent: "And that shit wasn't even on my list to give me the satisfaction of crossing it off..."
I'm glad you had such a great holiday; you certainly deserved it.