"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Contradictions: Evolution vs Reincarnation

Right. So it's all about the woolly mammoth. My favorite saying cause sometimes that just explains it all. It explains why we do the things we do, why we are afflicted in the ways we are afflicted. It lets us off the hook cause we're ONLY human dammit.

It explains away everything. Cause it's all about survival of the most fit.

Why do babies develop object permanence and start crawling at about the same time? Cause if you're 9 months old, and crawling out of the cave, away from your cave mama, you'd damn well better know that she's back there some where before the woolly mammoth comes and gets you...

And when you're REALLY hungry, why do you throw all the most fat, most sweet things into your grocery cart? Cause slain woolly mammoth are few and far between, and your body needs fat and sugar to store for the long haul. It explains why the homeless man in Grand Central chooses Sweet and Sour Pork rather than Buddhist Delight with Tofu. Cause who the fuck knows when he's gonna get to eat again.
The woolly mammoth whispers or screams
fat sugar fat sugar

And why do we want our kids to be the best and the brightest? And why do we get in such a tizzy when maybe they're not? Because being the best and brightest means SURVIVAL. If you're the best at slaying woolly mammoth, you will survive. You'll get the best girl, have the best offspring, and you're DNA will persist. And if your kid is at the top of the class, or the best athlete, or gets into an Ivy League school, or is the best cellist, well, then your kid will have the best chance of success. And success equals survival.

So I've been writing a woolly mammoth post in my head for a few days. Sister Halona commented that I apply the woolly mammoth to EVERYTHING. Then she proceeded to ask me about Vitamin D supplements for her toddler and that dang woolly mammoth raised its ivory tusks and I was off and running again...

But somehow, this week, the woolly mammoth isn't explaining it all. Must be the dark days. I want answers beyond the woolly mammoth cause damn those beasts live in the ice and snow, and I prefer toasty warmth thank you very much. Seems like every year at this time, I start searching for answers. I'm drawn to more spiritual writings. I look for evidence of hope and perseverance and renewal.


Maybe it's an inherent preparation for spring.
Maybe it explains this ridiculous wallpaper I've plastered on my blog walls.

Sister Adrienne hit it on the head, and unlocked a door to my understanding. 1+1=2

A long, long time ago, I had a "reading". I sat in an Upper East Side living room, and a perfectly average appearing lady with an angel's voice told me about myself. The only thing I told her was my name.

It was astounding.

There is no explanation other than she was authentic. Period.

She taped the session for me, and 16 years later, I still listen to it when I'm stuck and looking for answers. Right off the bat she knew things about me. I can't really say she made predictions, but over the years things she said that didn't seem so important back then have taken on huge significance.

She said that love activates the healing process in diseased cells.
She said it's actually the belief in the ability to heal that allows healing to happen.

Why did she start with THAT?
I was in nursing school. She only knew my name.

She said she saw that frequently, as a child, I was scared to sleep. That I was aware of something in my room. That it was spirit with me, and it scared me.

holy shit how did she know that?

She said that soon I would become much more aware of spirit, and aware of those who had made the transition, and I would understand more and not be so afraid.

A year later I was working in a home for sick and dying kids.
And I began to understand things that couldn't really be explained. And I was not afraid.
And I saw love healing disease.

She said it was very hard for me to be on the earth plane
no shit sherlock

She said I carried the knowledge from many past lives sorry to get so shirley maclaine on you so when I seemed to contradict myself or have certain ideas one day and then very different ideas the next to give myself a break. When I felt conflicted I should just sleep on it and the part of self which needed to come forward, would.

Sounds a little dissociative, huh? You can call me Sybil

So when Sister Adrienne commented on my new look, it was like BAM flash of light.

walmart and farmer's markets
the Luddite with a Blackberry
the shy antisocial girl who lives in the house that sticks out like a sore easter thumb

The Many Faces of Michelle.

That's why I was having such a hard time writing about the woolly mammoth. Cause in these dark days, the woolly mammoth's not enough. It doesn't feel right for it all to be explained by evolution and Darwin and DNA.

I need some hope. I need some light. I need to believe there's something beyond what can be seen or explained.

Contradiction was a recurring theme in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. Ms. Rand noted that contradictions do not exist. If something appears to be a contradiction, it just means your premise is incorrect.

So when I'm stuck between the woolly mammoth and miracles I tell myself I'm working off the wrong premise.

Now I just have to come up with the right one...


  1. Here's a right one for you: Ayn Rand was full of shit. There. I said it. And I ain't gonna apologize. Being human means being aware of the contradictions. Period.
    And who knows but that the wooly mammoth was filled with spirit?
    Girl, you know far more than you think you do. Your spirit shines like a beacon. Which is why the psychic could read it so well.

  2. Ms. Moon-You think she was full of shit? Was just thinking maybe I'd reread... it's been a couple decades. Maybe I'd find her full of shit now too.

  3. I won a college scholarship by writing about Ayn Rand, although I thought she was full of shit the entire time.

    I'm a sell out.

  4. As for your post....you're right...and you're right. Contradictions just mean we're seeing gray...and don't enough assholes see black and white already?

  5. Nancy C-Integrity schmintegrity... I might encourage my kid to write on the merits of factory farms and the war on terror if it meant cash for college!

  6. Back when I was about 12 my mom went to a psychic fair. She had her cards read by some award winning psychic. They recorded the session so when mom got home and showed me the tape I was ecstatic (I was angry they wouldn't let me in...had to be at least 18 to get in the doors!). I was so happy to at least be able to hear what the psychic had said to mom......So, I go to my bedroom and pop in the cassette and press play and what I heard was straight from the movies HORRIFYING! I screamed and ran and just about climbed my way back up into my mothers uterus I was that scared.

    I guess the batteries on the psychics tape recorder were going low or something because it was all slow and warped and sounded just like a demon.

  7. Michelle- You should just read like one chapter of Atlas Shrugged to get the full bullshittedness of the Randian mind. And when you read about the woman's life- well, I'm sure Nancy C. could tell you about that.

  8. I'm pretty sure I was a Wooly Mammoth in a past life.

    Loved every bit of this post. I would love some day to sit down with you and bottle of wine and solve the world's problems... and start our own religion.

  9. In many ways, this is all too deep for me!

    But it sounds like you are in a tough place right now. And for me, personally, that's where my faith comes into play. My belief that God is good, that God is love... that's what gets ME through.

  10. Holy Deep girl!! I love it when you get deep. I could totally have a conversation about this for HOURS. literally. :) That reading sure was freaky in an awesome way. I had a friend who had a cool reading like that and everything that was said to her came to be. WILD stuff!!
    I have been on a reading/writing hiatus for a while and I'm so happy to be back catching up with you! Man, I've missed your musings ;)

  11. Rebecca- that gives me the shivers. All I can think about is The Exorcist... entirely too scary!

    Ms. Moon- bullshittedness is a really good word. Off to the library cause I don't want to spend a penny on a full o crap book

    Cristin- I know you know what I'm talking about...

    Liz-underneath the woolly mammoth, I do believe it's all about the love

    Alicia-good to have you back! I think we should all get together and hash this one out.

  12. Sorry, I can't accept Ayn Rand's thinking. It doesn't mean anyone's premise is incorrect. It simply means that person's premise might not match someone else's. Only an egotist believes their thinking is always right and everyone else's opinion is always wrong.

    We live for contradictions. It supplies intelligent thought.

    I never had a reading before. Sounds interesting.

  13. i'm with ms moon.

    i will add that ayn rand is an elitist, imperialist, racist, martini swigging bullshitian.

    she SHOULD have been a jewelry designer, because the only decent thing about 'atlas shrugged' was the steel bracelet she described as fashioned out of old railroad ties or some such thing.

    my premise? the 'most fit' of our species are destroying the planet, erasing ancient cultures and traditions, and slaughtering men, women, and children at an alarming rate. sometimes by planting genetically engineered soy beans all over asia.


    if survival means paving the road ahead with the bodies of those judged as >most fit? you can count me (AND the wooly mammoth) out.

    p.s. in nature 1+1=3. humph.

  14. michelle h.- I think I'm finding that at this point contradictions just give me a headache. If I can change my thinking so there is less of a contradiction to challenge my swiss cheese brain, I am much happier!

    adrienne-maybe it's not even worth a trip to the library as all these ladies for whom I have neverending respect agree that Ms Rand was a bullshitian. I like that word too. And there are genetically engineered soybeans being planted throughout Brazil and Argentina to feed the CAFO cows now being raised in China now that the Chinese can eat alot of meat because they have $$ from working in factories to make widgets for "us". And they can wash the meat down withwater sucked from aquifers in India bottled by Coca-Cola. but that's another post. or not

  15. i went through a bunch of reading about Ayn Rand's life at one point and it is a sad, sad thing lit only by intellectual fire, but no clean fires of the heart. she lived in a lot of psychic pain, i believe. i looove the book 'my life with ayn rand' by nathaniel brandsford.

    great post.

  16. Maggie May-maybe THAT'S the book i need to get from the library.

  17. Rand makes me want to beat my skull with a heavy metal object. Life is not completely fucking rational. It is also not all about YOU and doing what YOU need and thinking only about YOU and acting only in YOUR best interest.

    That humongous piece of vomit that is John Galt's speech at the end of the book cured me of reading anything by Rand ever again.

  18. Ayn Rand? The Paris Hilton of the 40s and 50s lit? Give me a break! I could never finished anything she wrote even in College. There was a deep disconnect between what she said and the reality out here as if a good turned phrase was self validating and there was no need to be confused with the facts once she wrote them.

    There are two points of view and they do not agree with each other. So? I am with Blaise Pascal "Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth."

    Good enough for me.

  19. I love this post and I love you.

    Happy New Year!

  20. Contradictions are present in everything. If the world were black and white, things wouldn't be so d*mn hard. It's part of the human condition.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.