"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Reality check

OK. So I've been really pookie lately. Don't know why. Maybe cause I've worked 4 out of the last 5 days. Maybe cause I spent my one day off driving all over the countryside buying stupid shit like a new stove. I hate buying shit. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe my shoes are too tight. But my heart's feeling two sizes too small.

My poor husband has had to listen to my venomous rants about Mia's lame therapist who is nice enough but kinda clueless. We've had 6 sessions and she still calls Mia "Mya". She's also lectured me on why I should give my kids the H1N1 vaccine, and how I should feed them. anyone reading this who knows me in person is quaking in their shoes and hiding under their beds right now. This therapist knows WHO I AM oz the great and terrible and WHAT I DO. But I think she looks at me in my hoodie and sweats and no make-up it's my day off goddamit and only sees some young appearing black girl. Seriously. So when I don't respond to her condescending chides, the light bulb goes off and she back pedals and apologizes well of course you know all this...

of course. aargh

Then today, as I'm sitting in the dentist chair, armed with half a xanax and ready for ROOT CANAL, the dentist's office manager comes flying into the room and cries STOP!!

Apparently root canal is not a covered by my insurance. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME !?!?
It better be 'cause I increased my coverage, effective Jan 1, to cover Mia's braces. The issue is that the idiot little HR bitch who's responsible for arranging all our coverage is more concerned with her PR responsibilities and photo ops than employee health and dental coverage. Which by the way, we pay for thank you very much. She has SCREWED dozens of employees over the past few years by messing up their benefits. This year, I guess, folks got wise and started sending her confirmation emails to make sure she was aware of their insurance needs. Yes, I was one jen did you get my dental form? No response. She did sent an office wide email saying that she was just too busy to respond to each and every confirmation request.

Read between the lines, bitch.

So I guess confirmation comes when you're getting bills for surgery cause your policy lapsed, or when you're sitting in the dental chair. As I was at 9 a.m.

Why is HR twit still in that position?
Good question.
I have no idea.

Lucky for me, the novocaine was poised midair when my morning plans came to a screeching halt. Allowing me to come home and have full control over my expressive language abilities when I called the office and ummm explained via speaker phone to both the HR twit and her boss what was going on. silence... oh... we're soooo sorry michelle, the insurance companies are always behind in January. blah blah blah. My guess is I'll get a call later today that somehow the insurance company didn't get my request to bump up my coverage.


Poor Bruce was trying to escape the house when I returned from the dentist with my head exploding. He suffered my rant as you are now and said Chica, you really didn't need this aggravation today, did you?... I knew not to come near you last night...
...keep your hands away from the cage...
my hubby's so funny ha fuckin ha

I've been positively growling the last few days, as I said.

OK. So root canal is cancelled and I need to salvage my day. I call my sister and rant cause somehow it's still not out of my system. Then she tells me about 2 good friends whose families are in Haiti. Haiti??? I've been working and unplugged. Didn't even have the radio on coming home from work last night.


aye aye aye. Not that I feel guilty or like a total asshole for freaking out over the annoyances of dental coverage, the need to buy a new stove, or the ability to take my 7 year old for therapy.
This shit still pisses me off.

But damn. The place is devastated. I'm glad for the quick response from Obama, cause administrations usually drag their feet on this shit whether it occurs here or abroad. Maybe he thinks we owe them one since we were behind the coup that removed Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power a few years ago...

So all through the special reports they're announcing numbers for aid. Money. Water. Camping equiptment. Tents. Medical supplies. I'm always tugged by the call for medical professionals to go help when these events occur. Always. It's easy to come up with a dozen reasons why I couldn't possibly go. But still... I wonder if I had no kids and no real reason to stay safe and sound in the Hudson Valley, if I'd have the balls to get on a plane and jump in with both feet.

I'd like to think that I would. I'd like to think that I will. Someday

Haiti erased my edge. Haiti gave me a reality check.
I feel better now.

Sort of.


  1. Yes, the news of Haiti put me in my place today too. It is horrific, and of course you're a mommy, you can't rush off to help, but others will. And maybe you will someday too. My doctor goes every year to work in little villages and help the poorest get basic care, I think it keeps him from going insane in suburban America, fighting with insurance companies to get care for his patients.
    What's with the HR twit anyway? I loathe when professionals make lame excuses for not doing their jobs. Slackers and liars and stupidity abound, don't they? Hope your tooth doesn't hurt too. Once I was told I needed a root canal for recurring pain, and waited because I didn't have a blue pill to get me through and when I went for another opinion, there was nothing on the xray to indicate it. I have switched dentists, and have had periodic dental issues that come and go and I now blame hormones and stress and herniated discs, because nothing else makes sense. Before I get another root canal or crown, I'm going to be in a ton of pain first, because I've had it with dental work and my lack of dental insurance.
    And what's with the therapist not seeing who you are, let alone knowing who you are? Your eyes alone would tell a fool you're a good and smart mama, or perhaps your vocabulary is a clue, but wouldn't it be lovely if she didn't stereotype OR actually remembered who you are and how to say your daughter's name?? Which brings up my earlier rant about incompetence or ambivalence or sloppiness....
    But I digress. I need to be in a cage for a few days, I'm pretty snarly.
    Hope you have a better day today....

  2. I hate that we are subject to the whims of the insurance bithces - well, some of us. Half of me doesn't even have insurance which a long and sad and frustrating story. But at least there is no hassle.
    And then there is Haiti. Innocent in this. No reason for hundreds of thousands to die. When the dust settles maybe one of us will volunteer to go and help clean the streets and remove debris and dig for family members. In the meantime though - Haiti is taking the edge off and I am sorry and thinking of all the people left digging for their loved ones.

    Still - sorry about your root canal. Under any circumstances that isn't fun.

  3. You have every right to be pissy. ESPECIALLY with the therapist. My sister-in-law is an OT, and I love her, and she's family, and when she starts OT-ing me, I have to count to ten.

    Everything you're talking about stems from a lack of power, and as parents and helpers and professionals, we want to fix things.

    Feeling terrible about Haiti, too.

  4. Pop open a Pepsi, tear open a bag of Cheeto's and take a seat right here next to me on the little beach chair...don't worry about the sun too much because I have a nice big umbrella staked into the sand right behind the chair. The boy bringing our Pepsi and chips is lean, and so very handsome. He doesn't speak. Has never spoken. He just smiles and nods his head and gives an occasional hug.....like if you look like you're about to cry.........


  5. I've been thinking about this Haiti situation a lot and at first I just did my "whoa-whoa-I'm-a-big-asshole-because-I'm-not-doing-anything-to-help
    mess" and then I started thinking about how- no, quite frankly, I can't do anything to help. Does it do Haiti one damn bit of good for me to beat myself up because I am powerless to control world events AND acts of God? (Love that one, don't you?). No. It does not.
    Can I take care of myself and my family?
    On a good day, yes I can.
    And right now that is what I am doing. And I know you are too and all the stuff in your life IS important. That IS your life. YOUR life. A lot of us won the lottery when we got born where and when we did. Some of us definitely did not. We didn't choose it. It just happened. Like an earthquake.
    I'm rambling here, Michelle. I'm sorry. I just want you to know that we all do care very much but we can't stop living our own lives and worrying about our own worries.
    And I love you.

  6. Wow, insanity, well NO WONDER you're feeling like that. And that's just outright horrible that the therapist can't get your daughter's name right after 6 times.
    Glad you're not apologizing for the shit that still pisses you off. I like that attitude.
    Rant on. You do it very well.
    Hope you feel more than sort of better, soon.

  7. After sitting in the chair??? That is just criminal. I hope that woman gets a telling off.

  8. My sympathies on the dentistry (or lack thereof), Michelle. Insurance and HR people suck.

    Love, SB.

  9. Laughing at: keep your hans away from the cage!!!

  10. *hands*--and I hit enter too soon...

    ANYways, I was going to say that yes, that Haiti thing sort of stopped a lot of us in our tracks, huh. I cannot look at the pictures--it's just too much to bear.


so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.