"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn

"ignore the story. see the soul. remember to love. you will never regret it" --- Seane Corn
it's a jungle out there

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Landslide

I love this song. Go listen Warner Bros. won't let me embed, but it's worth it. Check out the looks that pass between them round about 3:22...oh they still love each other

This song was playing when Mia was born. She was a
c-section, as were Jack and Ty. But she was my last. And I knew it. And as they took her out, this song came on in the O.R. I sang under my breath, and Bruce held my hand, and I started to cry. And cry. And I couldn't stop. Bruce stroked my forehead and said oh chica cause he knew. My midwife, whom I love, looked at me and smiled. After 5 pregnancies and 3 babies, she was used to my water works. She looked into my eyes and I looked into hers, and then she knew why I was sobbing. She patted my shoulder as I lay on the table and couldn't look at me again. She loved helping us have babies. I loved having babies. Every minute of it. I loved the nausea and stuffy nose and bleeding gums. I loved peeing 16 times a night. I loved the inevitable sex dreams during the 5th month. I loved ultrasounds and glucose tolerance tests. I even loved having my membranes stripped and drinking castor oil to induce labor neither worked. I loved being in the hospital. I loved being awake all night holding my newborn and feeling so energized I thought I'd never sleep again that didn't last long. I loved it all. For the seven years I was pregnant and breastfeeding, I was HAPPY. No little blue pill necessary.

She knew I sobbed because I knew Mia was my last. And she knew it too. I was mourning.

****

We climbed a big fucking mountain this year. I never entertained the thought of not reaching the top cause sitting down and dying of frostbite was not an option. But my babies... I feared they might not make it. But they did. Their bodies and hearts were so much stronger than I thought. But there was wear and tear, and my babies are tired. can the child who IS my heart rise above? My babies are amazing and strong and resilient. But I'm their mama, and as you mamas know, we would do ANYTHING to carry our babies safe and sound to the top of the mountain and not let them get buried in the landslide.

Today, as I worry about my babies making it through, I think of all the mamas whose babies are making it through. This mama, and this mama, and this mama and this one. And so many others. And of course, J.

Thank you, you strong mamas who write about your fears and your babies and their triumphs.
You've helped me climb to the top.







15 comments:

  1. This is gorgeous. I love this song, and I love that this is the first thing Mia heard.

    Most of all, I love that powerful momma love.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What you wrote about loving every bit of pregnancy resonated with me. I only have one child right now, but more are on the way (eventually). Happy New Year! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nancy C-we should harness the love and put an end to global warming

    Minivan Lover-yup. loved every single minute

    ReplyDelete
  4. With my first, I could have been pregnant for eternity. I loved every second of pregnancy! The second was another story because I was taking care of the first who was only 2 when #2 was born. That probably had a lot to do with it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I loved being pregnant too. Labor- oh, it was too hard for me. But then- I did it four times so maybe not? And when they were born-well- just saying that there is nothing better in the world doesn't begin to cover it. Your heart breaks open, shatters and reforms in a new and so much deeper way.
    Thank you for the song. Thank you for the shout-out. Thank you for sending me to different blogs.
    I love you, Michelle. You know I do.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Now I've got the waterworks going.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Rebecca-I hit the wall when I didn't have enough hands to cross a parking lot with the brood in tow.

    Mwa-say it again, sista

    Ms. Moon-love you right back, Mama Moon

    Unknown Mami-and our tears could end droughts all over the planet

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love this song! I saw Fleetwood Mac in Chicago in March...oh, Lindsay and Stevie rocked it.

    Beautiful post my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I loved pregnancy too. Can't wait to do it again. Love the song too. I'm glad you've made it- beautiful post.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awwwww. Thanks.

    The pregnancy thing? Hated. Every. Minute. Of. It. But have offered to carry for my sister if she is unable.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yeah, there are Landslides and there are Landslides. Thank you for the raspberries, brought a smile at time I needed it the most.
    Love to you Chica, and to that heart of yours that drips good loving.

    ReplyDelete
  12. a few years ago I was driving with all the kids in the car, and this song came on. I was singing along, and everyone was completely silent. I thought to myself that THIS MOMENT would be remembered by all of us. And that maybe one day, when my kids were grown, the song would come on the radio, and they would remember ME. Their mama. Singing along one day in the car. And they would tell their children about it.

    I looked at Jack...he was so quiet. SO still. SO unlike him. I felt tears well up in my eyes. We were having A MOMENT. And then he looked at me, and asked, "Mom??? Do beavers eat wood??????????"

    and the moment was gone

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love Landslide, too. There's a beautiful rendition of it sung by this famous public school 5th grade chorus that would make you weep, I'm sure (google PS NYC and Landslide and see if you can find it). This is such a beautiful mama post -- thank you for it!

    ReplyDelete

so... wadaya think?

Your fairy is called Columbine Icedancer
She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has icy blue butterfly wings.